this post was submitted on 13 Jan 2025
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[Migrated, see pinned post] Casual Conversation

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We moved to !casualconversation@piefed.social please look for https://lemm.ee/post/66060114 in your instance search bar

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I honestly don't understand how people socialise and make friends though gaming (lemmings.world)
submitted 11 months ago by Platypus@lemmings.world to c/casualconversation@lemm.ee
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I've been playing games for almost 3 decades and I've owned almost every Xbox, so the online factor is there and overall easily accessible but I just never got this community feel I read in some places, my most played games are probably WWE 2k14 and Tekken 7 and 8, yet I've never interacted with anyone, I don't have a headset and I don't wanna hear voice or chat while playing though, it just distracts me and I despise losing, but apparently the people connect, make friends and a few even found love while playing their favourite game.

I envy them.

Is like the only hobby I have and tbh it isolated me even more from getting any type of affection or contact.

Some people mention discord but that awful app is terrible plus people act weird there, is like the game is very secondary there and just post cringe stuff instead.

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[–] evujumenuk@lemmy.world 6 points 11 months ago

Two necessary components for friendship are extended presence and shared struggle.

That is, you need to be around the same set of people for a non-trivial amount of time. Relationships need time to form.

But that is not enough. Just being around people doesn't tell you much about them, or tells them much about you. There's no basis to bond over. You need to experience the same hardship as someone else.

In 1v1 games, that's surely harder but not impossible, if you're e.g. struggling to improve yourself, or trying to succeed in spite of the game being a bit shitty. Try thinking of a shared objective. Only ever wanting to defeat others is ultimately alienating.