this post was submitted on 13 Nov 2026
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I’m a 29 y/o woman and I have two 22 y/o friends who are into me, but it feels kinda wrong to even flirt with either of them. I know 7 years isn’t a huge gap, but I don’t really want to fill whatever caretaker/lover role they’re yearning for. They’re adults, but are just lacking a kind of independence and sense of direction that most people find in their late 20s.
As it is, I already kinda take care of them and am their safe space whenever we go to parties or stuff. I don’t mind being the big sister in that way, but mixing stronger emotions or sex into that dynamic seems wrong.
I’m 40 and while I’d never be in a committed relationship with someone who’s your age even, much less 22 if it was just sex, I don’t see why not. I wouldn’t pursue them because of said age gap but if they made it clear they were a consenting adult who was interested independent of my effort towards them… I’d be up for it
I guess yeah, I wouldn’t take advantage but I would be willing to indulge someone
Same.
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Yeah, that's a very big age gap at that point in life. Most people in their early 20s still lack adult life experience, even if they're legally adults.
A friend of mine dated then married a girl who's 4, almost 5 years younger than us. They started dating when she was 22, IIRC. She's a bit... special... but even ignoring that it was always like dealing with an ignorant teenager or a petulant child. Such a huge turn-off. Dunno if she matured any over the last 6 years — sure hope so, for the sake of their future children — but considering all she does in life is travel and sit at home, I'm kind of doubtful. I guess trauma-bonding took over that relationship, because oof, nobody has ever had anything nice to say about her.
It's a little funny that you acknowledge the age gap and that your friend is taking advantage of someone younger than themselves (in context of the larger conversation happening here), but then go on to blame the young person in the relationship for being a petulant child.
Yeah, I can see how it reads like that, considering what I replied to. But he in no way took advantage of her. He just tolerated her making a scene when things didn't go her way. Which is what my comparison refers to. In hindsight, maybe it never was a young thing, but a her thing.
It's also been 6 years since you've interacted with her according to your comment - 22-28 years old usually comes with a ton of personal changes - but you are still painting her like a petulant child that only travels and sits at home.
No, we met up very recently. She hasn't changed much. I don't personally hang out with her much, but I do have second hand accounts from other friends that are around her more. And she does sit at home and travel, because she doesn't (want to) work. Her spouse tried to get her to find a job, but eventually gave up. Which is fine, until she says something classist. Very classy of someone who doesn't want to work 🤷🏻
That sounds like a her thing rather than a young people thing then.
Yeah, that's why I said in hindsight it's probably a her thing. Probably doesn't help everyone in her life enabled it, so she never really had to grow up.