this post was submitted on 13 Sep 2026
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yea, i got that. it has to be sharp and sudden pain. all that talk of using cold to safely manage is complete utter bullshit. recently i used a hammer to hit the space between the bones in my fore arm, and that straightened me out incredibly quick, but man the recovery from that sucked. i usually slam my fists against my steel desk, but my hands are always creaky now.
i should sleep but i cant. i should do things that i enjoy, but doing them is not joyful, and that makes me compound the frustration and the anger. the weekends are dangerous. holidays more so. my work has mandated time off because i don’t take pto. so in three month i will have to face the prospect of 20 days off
You'll get a similar natural adrenaline / endorphin speedball with much less lasting harm to your body if you run or do jumping jacks for five minutes.
Or have an orgasm
surprisingly being in a bad mood ruins this, i can no longer use that as a crutch
Have you tried p-spot stimulation?
yes
i have been doing indoor bikeing on a trainer, though it only gives neutral results, and the next few days i feel mentaly bad and frustrated at my failure. i have even had an adrenal storm doing it, though i can’t tell if i was in the midst of the storm before i started and biking made it worse it it it was the trigger. i seem to always be on adrenaline.
You sound a bit like me a few years ago. Chronic loneliness and BPD was awful.
You should try see if you can get a decent therapist. Even if it's just online in a different country.
i tried doing that (findinga therapist) when i had the energy a couple days ago. i walked away from that failure with new levels of frustration.
i have learned that any efforts to improve my situation is paid back two fold in depression and urges. the harder i try the worse it gets
a couple days? it took me 2-3 years to find a therapist I clicked with.
Not finding a therapist isnt a failure on your part. Stop calling shit failures. You were successful in trying to help yourself, just, didnt get the results you wanted and thats okay. You were successful in trying.
It's difficult, I'm not going to lie. You can try looking for someone who does DBT, that's where I found someone to help me. DBT is good for getting to grips with the anger and urges.
But I hear you. I now live in a place where no one gives a fuck about you and I've not found a therapist who is competent or even pretends to give a fuck about you. So I've just given up.
As some corporate safety guy told me at my very first job, nobody cares about your health except you. More true words have never been spoken.
Some people are paid to professionally care, but ultimately, they don't give a shit except to do their job. If you want your health to improve, doesn't matter if mental or physical, you have to go out and arrange things yourself, again and again. Sucks, I know, and I am preaching water and drinking wine myself.
Ive been with my therapist for 6 years. Im pretty certain she has genunine care. She somehow had the foresight to see I would really enjoy charcoal pencils in art group, got them with out asking, and I do, love them. All that, just because she knows me well. It feels nice this way.
It is a bit of work to find a good therapists, but they are out there.
😶