Thanks for the link. Yes I have a daughter considering this. When I look it up I only find generic descriptions and 'it will take 2-3 weeks to heal', which really sounds unrealistic to me. I worry that surgeons doing this kind of work over sell it, and the desire of patients for it to be as good as they hope might cloud their judgement of the realities.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

2-3 weeks to heal is wishful thinking. That's the first healing stage, after which my surgeon allowed me to do things more than light lifting. 4-6 weeks to return to work. 3 months to have sex. But healing generally continues until about a year post op. Incidentally it took me about a year to be able to orgasm (it's been several years now and I'd say it's probably easier now than pre op)

My surgeon was a reputable surgeon at a reputable institution and showed me pictures of her work during consultation and gave me realistic expectations. There were complications (there often are) but they were ultimately temporary issues. And the trans community gave me a realistic but positive expectation compared to my personal experience.

If you have any questions I may be able to answer some. If anything push your daughter to look up and ask around about surgeons (word gets around about bad ones) and push her towards reputable ones who are willing to make her feel comfortable in their care and who explain what's going on and what's going to happen to her.

[–] CannonFodder@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Thanks so much for the info. That description is actually is very reassuring to me as it feels much more realistic to me. And reasonable. It's a reputable institution (in Montreal). Part of the issue here is that my daughter with severe ADHD, possibly autistic, and huge anxiety issues can't really organize doing this herself. So if it's going to happen I'll have to be actively involved even though she's an adult. So I feel rather responsible and need to be educated, but the doctors won't talk to me directly since I'm not the patient.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

Yeah, it's a physically and emotionally brutal recovery process. I'm grateful I did it, but I also don't really think you can be fully prepared for it. And if your daughter has an opiate allergy be aware that makes it harder. Idk if I've ever been in more physical pain than the first week. You're exhausted, in pain, may have been off your hormones for a month and your junk looks like a wreck and doesn't work and you're terrified of if it's going to heal right. And much like how fully healing is long and slow, so is getting through the difficult part.

And yeah I get where you're coming from and assume you're pushing to help her become more functional if possible. And while I understand your fears and worries relating to your involvement, it's good that the doctors won't talk to you directly.

Idk about Montreal, but in the US I needed three letters of recommendation to get insurance to pay for surgery (surgeons need 1-3 depending): an endocrinologist/primary care physician saying I've been on hormones for at least a year, a psychiatric professional saying that I was fit to make the decision, and a therapist (I think it had to be one I hadn't seen before) to say that I'd seriously thought it through and understood what it entailed. That's about as thorough as it can and should be.

But in general by making sure she's talked to people who've been through it and with a therapist that says she's prepared for it, it should be something she can handle. If the surgeon is wrong for her there are others though it'll be harder. It's a difficult balance of speed, quality, and availability and yeah it's better for her to figure out her path and what mental work she'll need to do sooner rather than towards the end of a waitlist

[–] Walk_blesseD@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Are you sure it's weeks you read and not months? 2-3 months is a pretty standard timeframe to recover from a vaginoplasty

[–] CannonFodder@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

Thanks. I suspect the 2-3 weeks that my daughter has quoted is the timeframe that she will be unable to do much of anything. I'm not sure if she realizes that though. 2-3 months seems much more likely.