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You're installing a headless system right? Ubuntu and Debian are going to have very similar if not downright identical day to day operating procedures, including installing and setting up new things. Ubuntu is going to have software packages coming from a different repository and they may be newer (though this rarely matters) and the initial install may be different. One is backed by a for profit corporation and one by a large open source community. Whenever you need help, guides for Debian will probably work on Ubuntu and vice versa.
For home self hosting use, it boils down to you own philosophy. In practice, it won't really matter.. they're both really similar.
I proudly use Debian BTW.
One thing I read about is that Ubuntu provides unattended updates, so it can automatically update packages and restart the server (that seems a bit too far ;) ). It's probably possible on Debian but not out of the box.
Debian also supports "unattended-upgrades": https://wiki.debian.org/PeriodicUpdates
I actually have it set up the same way on both: Automatically install updates (and restart some services), but don't reboot. I don't think it was different/easier on Ubuntu.
Overall, the two distros are very similar for a server application. If you're already running Debian on your PC, I would also go with that for a server.
Ubuntu automatically has unattended upgrades, which makes I think makes it a popular choice for VPS providers to push (beyond being popular in corporate/institutions overall), since they don't have to worry about users forgetting security updates. However, it doesn't enable automatic reboots. But, it does look like automatic restarts of services updated via unattended upgrades is done, but only as of Ubuntu 24.
Another thing to note is that Ubuntu has updates that are explicitly for security, and then everything else, including more general bugfixes and program updates with additional features. By default, unattended upgrades on Ubuntu only do security updates.
Of course, both a unattended upgrades and automatic reboots are possible on Debian (same software, Ubuntu just preconfigures it), although default configurations can vary. I wouldn't be suprised if a VPS provider was shipping a default Debian configuration that enabled automatic upgrades.
On Debian, for the most part, ALL updates are only for security issues or severe bugfixes (program crashes or the like). Debian, for the most part, doesn't do minor bugfixes at all, or do program feature updates. I prefer this model, since it's easier to manage than having separate types of package updates. It ensures absolute stability, a guarantee that the system tomorrow will behave the same as it did yesterday, while still enabling automatic security updates. This model is ideal for a server I don't want to babysit, or for your grandpa who loses his mind when the button he is supposed to click was moved one spot over.
In addition to that, I like the policy of automatic reboots. With the stable, slow moving nature of both distros, it's safe to automatically reboot to ensure that kernel vulnerabilities, or vulnerabilities in other critical systems are fixed. Automatic updates and reboots can be the difference between someone being able to escape a docker container or someone not being able to.
There is one thing to note, is that adding additional repos (or PPA's which technically you aren't supposed to work on Debian), can be dangerous, and you have to be careful: https://wiki.debian.org/DontBreakDebian/#Don.27t_make_a_FrankenDebian
The main problem is that if a third party repo and Debian provide the same package, and the system is configured to prefer the third party repo, then you can be installing a potential dependency to the rest of your system that isn't actually tested against your system, or compatible.
You have to be really careful to ensure that the programs in the repo are actually built and designed for your system, and also that the your system does not default to installing them.
Third party repos also break the guarantee of stability that automatic updates depend on. Third party repos don't have a separate security channel, so Ubuntu will probably avoid touching them, even if critical security fixes are needed. Debian will update them, but unlike Debian's packages, the overall program updates won't be guaranteed to be behave the same due to potential major/minor version changes.
For example, if you get Docker from docker's repo instead of Debian's/Ubuntu's, now your version of docker can no longer auto update and receive potential security fixes safely.
Overall, I prefer Debian but Ubuntu is fine. If I was in an environment that used Ubuntu already, I would also just use Ubuntu. If you are already using Debian, then Debian is probably preferable.
Ouch! /s LOL There is something to be said for order and consistency. I don't wig out, but I do like everything in it's place. I like apps to open up in a certain spot on the screen consistently, etc. Over all, a great explanation.