this post was submitted on 13 May 2026
57 points (91.3% liked)
Dating
390 readers
104 users here now
A community for discussing dating.
No product promotion. No memes. No gender war nonsense.
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
If you lived where I live, you'd get no dates. The women decide the parameters of the dates they will accept, not the men.
They have no trouble repeatedly finding men who will take them on expensive first dates, because there are many men who are willing to pay $200 for the privilege of talking with a woman for an hour or two. So that is the standard they expect. Any man who doesn't offer that is devaluing them as people, in their eyes.
It's basic economics. Dating is a highly economic activity. money plays a huge role in mating. her time is worth money, if she is givng you her time, you better be offering her money or something money can buy.
it's unrealistic to you, yes. But it's not to them. many women where i live, would rather be alone, than date or marry a man who isn't boosting their lifestyle, as in, if she makes 150K/yr she ONLY wants men who make 300K/yr because a man who makes 200K or less can't 'add value' to her life, as in raise her social and economic standing.
and dating has ALWAYS been about this. traditional gender roles still dominate heterosexual dating, as much as people like to claim and believe they do not. people love to talk about love, but the funny thing is love tends to go away when the money does...
Are you in the Bay Area where there are both more men and high paychecks? Because I’ve been all over the US and that’s the only place where I could somewhat believe this is the norm.
Meet up for coffee or a drink. If there’s interest, you can maybe extend it but this way it’s lower pressure and cheaper if there’s no interest. Nothing worse than getting yourself into something longer when you can tell in the first few minutes you aren’t interested.
If I get no dates because of parameters that I've chosen, I'm pretty sure I decided just as much as the women. On the other hand, I've never had a woman turn down a date with me. Not that I put much effort into getting dates or even swiping on online dating apps...
I'd also rather be alone than be in a relationship with someone who doesn't add to my life. That is not exclusive to women. The only people who don't share that opinion are the people with no sense of self-worth. The USA might be culturally obsessed with money (more than the rest of the world), but there are things worth more in life than having a large bank account. I think you'll find that your economic lens on dating is not giving the whole picture and that you're devaluing your own worth. The women who do want men who make way more than them are hypercapitalists and the state of the world right now is exactly why they're not worth caring about.
Maybe in the USA, but certainly not in the world as a whole. I don't know of any of my friends or family in relationships right now where only the woman cooks and cleans and the man pays for everything. Everyone splits chores, work their jobs, and take each other out on dates. Not that I'm a fan of marriage, but it's not love if a little of the worse of "for better or for worse" (financial hardship) is all it takes to break it. But if the primary reason to be together is financial, as you suggest, then that would explain a lot as to why those relationships would fail. Better to just avoid anyone who might be put off by a bit of financial turmoil instead of wasting time with them.