When I was younger, I had my Boomer in-laws decide that I would drive because I had drunk the least—I had drunk plenty. And this just seemed like something normal and I'd just nonchalantly say, "Oh, that makes sense. That's smart."

They were upset that I wouldn't, insisted they would, and got more upset that I ordered a cab.

Fortunately, after they realised they'd lost, they sided with the idea being really stupid and irresponsible, but I think that's just because they got morally caught out by a 22-year old.

I died every day for the past 30 some-odd years, until woke cancelled my deaths! People were just built stronger back then! Every night, after being an alpha mega-male, I'd force myself into a cocoon of dead organic matter encased in synthetic materials, and then wait to die, and then go to Hell. The next day, I'd come back to life, as though nothing even happened. Lots of us ended and restarted our lives just like this!

Don't get me wrong, some people didn't make it. There was a series of documentaries about some of those unlucky few. Most of them, coincidentally, had run-ins with a burn victim who was fond of knives and children. Sadly, that guy who looked like a young Jack Sparrow was an early victim night-death unreturning.

But now, ever since DEI ruined science, everyone keeps trying to tell me that I actually never died! They keep accusing me of being woke, too! I'm not woke! I'm not "open-minded!" In fact, I'm dense as fuck, like a real man!

I often think of the old man that lost his horse.