this post was submitted on 15 Mar 2026
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Leopards Ate My Face
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Ok, I'll start.
There once was a douche named Tucker...
He thought everyone was a sucker
He helped the far right,
Now they won't help him fight
The criminal charges, dumb fucker
The power of friendship made this happen.
Slow clap
This shit is gonna be taught in schools some day.
"Here we have a snippet from the poet Just2look ..."
I really hope they find more useful and eloquent things to teach than my off the cuff internet rambling.
Well, it'll be taught, just not as official curriculum.
I learned about a man from Nantucket at school.
Are you talking about the one who kept his money in a bucket, or George Pollard, master of the whaling vessel Essex that was sunk by an apparently vengeful bull sperm whale in the Pacific, inspiring Herman Melville's novel Moby Dick? History doesn't record where Captain Pollard kept all his money.
To be fair it was a reference to a poem a priest wrote after telling his congregation to bring Nazis into power...
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_They_Came
I was aware, but chose to have some fun.
Whose lips look like an asshole that puckers.
He wears bow ties like a nerd,
Fashions his hair like a turd,
And has been cucked, still believing he's the cucker.
Happy poem and cake to you.
Who’s probably a child fucker…
Elegant brevity achieved.