/c/Vent: Vent about your life here

Have you noticed how every path into the middle class mysteriously disappears the moment regular people start using it? IT was one of the last ladders that truly anyone could still climb. You could learn the craft, bust ass, build a career, and maybe even build some wealth for yourself and your kids. And right on schedule, Wall Street showed up, smelled money in a place they didn’t control, and tore the whole ladder off the wall.

They didn’t misunderstand what they were doing (they never do). They saw an industry that actually innovated, an industry run by people who understood their tools and did things differently, efficiently, focused on merit. And they reacted like the parasites that they are. Hijack it. Drain it. While they walk off with the cash.

Then, along comes AI. Not as an actual revolution. Not as anything real. Just a prop. A lights-and-smoke financial trick to tell investors. A magic word that lets executives fire whole teams while saying they are “innovating.” And the sad part is they believe it. They honestly think hype is worth more than working systems. They think a slide deck about “AI transformation” contributes more value to a company than the engineer who actually knows how the systems fit together.

Remote work made the whole thing worse. I love working remotely too, but let’s tell the truth: remote work gutted the entire junior pipeline. You cannot train a new generation of engineers through Slack and Jira. You cannot replace the moment a senior looks over and says, “Stop. Don’t do that.” That is where people learned this job. That is where skill was built. Those moments are gone. Seniors kept the comfort. Juniors got pink slips, replaced with chatbots.

Leadership decided mentorship was too expensive and hand-waved it away because AI was supposed to fill the gap. Spoiler: it won’t. And in a few years, when the remaining seniors are burned out or laid off, there won’t be anyone left who actually knows how to run the infrastructure that by the way holds the modern world together.

Which brings us to the MBA and PE geniuses who think they run this industry. These are people who reboot their laptop by yanking the power cable out, but somehow they believe they should redesign global infrastructure. They talk in buzzwords which they barely understand. They buy whatever SaaS vendor has the shiniest marketing. They strip out whole infra teams and call it “efficiency.” They replace everything with contractors and chatbots and then congratulate themselves for “disruption.”

Meanwhile the actual systems, the ones running entire economies, are held together with baling wire, duct tape, and tribal knowledge. Cloudflare knocks out a third of the internet for an hour and everyone acts surprised. Surprised? You could see this coming a mile away. This is what happens when you fire the people who know how anything works and hand the keys to people who think uptime is something that comes from a SLA some sleezy account exec sold you.

There is only one way this ends. Failure. Real failure. Not a red light on a dashboard. Widespread, grinding collapse in the companies and industries that have been hollowed out for short term profit. And the people who caused it will do what they always do. Cash their checks. Blame the people they replaced. Walk away untouched.

When it finally hits (and it will), remember who's responsible. Remember who took an innovative working industry and fed it to private equity vultures to be feasted on. Remember who profited. I'm talking about the investors and boards who bought thriving startups, promising to nurture and mature them, only to force feed them to flesh eating zombies. They made out like bandits, with the generational wealth that belongs to the people whose blood sweat and tears built this industry.

Stolen from: https://old.reddit.com/r/sysadmin/comments/1pbvaxz/the_tech_industry_is_dead_and_wall_street_is/

I recently been made aware of certain things that suddenly made CC an option again, but after having been enrolled in this school for the past 20 years and being able to log into the system as recently as last month, they decided to revamp their systems and my enrollment wasn't transferred over even though it should have been.

I would have been taking classes last month, but I was trying to get details on an obscure program that took me a month of getting passed between different departments and I missed the cutoff for signing up for classes. I ended up in the exact department I started at btw.

I would be going to the next closest one, but it's the difference of a 5 minute drive and a 40 minute drive.

I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT SO MUCH

Literally have no energy to even cry after crying so much. I am in so much pain, just want to talk to someone who can understand. Genuinely need some comfort and support.

21f I’ve been dealing with this horrible abdominal pain for about 4 days now and it’s really wearing me down. I’m on meds for it so that helps quite a lot. The pain sits mostly around my belly button area and nearby. It constantly hurts, and then it suddenly spikes into cramping or stabbing gut pain whenever it wants to. My appetite is low, I feel nauseous, and without pain meds I honestly can’t manage the day.

I had an ultrasound and blood work done earlier this week. Nothing serious showed up so they’ve ruled out anything like appendicitis or anything, but the moment they pressed the probe on my abdomen I almost jumped. It hurt so badly that the whole thing stressed me out more because I still don’t understand what’s going on inside my belly.

Then this morning (nighttime here btw), I was sitting on the floor checking something in the lowest drawer. When I tried to stand up, I got this sudden, really sharp pang in my gut, lost my balance, and ended up falling forward straight onto the wooden bedpost. It hit me right in the stomach and the impact felt like it actually sank into my abdomen. It knocked the literal life out of me and I threw up after.

Now the area on my stomach where I hit is sore and even feels bruised. Although it’s most likely nothing severe like internal bleeding (it could have been SO MUCH WORSE), but it hurts when I touch it, when I stretch, or even when I flex my abdominal muscles. But my original belly pain is still there too, so everything feels mixed together. I’m getting random throbbing sensations in my gut and sometimes that awful empty “extreme hunger” type pain even when I’m not hungry at all. My whole abdomen feels drained, my body feels weak, and I’m honestly exhausted. I’m tired, I want to cry and cry but no energy for that as well. I just want this to end. I feel so confused and helpless.

Company was getting the stuff cheaply and locally afrom this supplier and they got almost monopoly with their stuff because was good but cheap

I'm guessing from next year with PE in the mix we'll pay 400% more

It does nothing but display redundant power points that we are already emailed and "flawless days" records where there's no downgrade or whatever. Manufacturing plant. It's an entirely meaningless metric in my department since we have 97%+ uptime annually and there's nothing left to optimise for product changeovers.

I'm not allowed to turn it off. The glaringly bright TV must remain on at all times. I've already caught shit for turning it off.

Just another annoying overbearing, obnoxious idiotic idea from our Texan corpo overlords who the middle managers openly admit they fear to me unprompted. Apparently, merely questioning their unbound limitless genius is grounds for dismissal now. Fucking fascists rule me already in Canada.

That all sucks sure but it's the fact it's bright and not a static image, but a slideshow. Keeps catching my eye. I want to smash it to pieces and quit on the spot. That probably turns them on just thinking about it.

One more for the pile. This is one of those last straw things. I'm fast tracking my plans to go into Nursing instead. It's a hard job too but it'll be different misery at least and I can help people directly instead of enriching arrogant fuckwits in the USA. Can't wait to go into debt for having the audacity to shake things up in my life. Fuck living.

Maybe I find some nonconductive grease after the heats off me in a couple months and smear a tiny bit in just the right spot and feign ignorance about why there's no signal.

Posting here because I don't know what else to do with this information.

And so, the conclusion was reached in a disappointing implosion, a relationship which farted itself to death, a bridge which set itself on fire, and I still don't understand what the fuck happened.

I don't even know which hurts more, because this didn't just affect the Now, but it also stained all of my memories of our past friendship. Right now, all I feel is a sort of crushing disappointment.

Disappointment that the sweetness of infatuation is now thoroughly gone, disappointment that you comported yourself as you did, disappointment that my being honest about how I'm dealing was labeled as guilt-tripping and pressuring (really makes me wanna open up some more, stab me all over, why dontcha'!), disappointment that the friendship I held so dear is now capped off with ghosting.

You popped up out of nowhere, then you vanished just the same. An entirely pointless episode of my life. A month wasted on infatuation, panic and confusion. A heartbreak I didn't even imagine would ever happen again.

And I'm left wondering why. Why you reached out in the first place. Why you were so... all over the place. Why you even bothered, why I even accepted that fucking invite. Could've lived the rest of my life never speaking to you again, and it would've been better than what I have now. Thanks for that.

I should have cut it off when I felt it was too much. I shouldn't have accepted that damned connection request in the first place...

I don't know what I was thinking. Every single time we've interacted, the same damned thing happens: I fall for you, you don't feel the same, then I end up vanishing off the face of the Earth again because I can't take it, we don't speak for decades.

I'm a fucking moron for loving you the way I do. I'm a fucking moron for accepting interactions with you, because I just end up hurting both of us. I'm a fucking moron for ever harboring a hint of hope that you might, juust might, feel the same way about me. And I'm the biggest moron I know for thinking I have any control over how I feel, for believing I can handle it. I can't. I simply can't just be your friend. Never will, and I'm sorry. So why the fuck did I accept your request this time...

I should've deleted myself off the internet entirely the last time we went through this pathetic circus. I should've stayed vanished...

so, I'm an amateur artist. I mainly like drawing, but also dabble in other things, including crochet. one of my dnd friends notices the amigurumi I made that I brought to one of our sessions and offers to pay me to make small animals for his family members. he wants 8 of them. blinded by my excitement and naivety, I agree, and he pays me 200 dollars. one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made.

fast forward to me attempting to needle felt them instead after failing to crochet them, then having a meltdown when I accidentally broke two of the felting needles inside one of the animals and couldn't get them out. now I'm trying to crochet them again, and the yarn just isn't having it. I wound up cutting my finger on the yarn after trying to pull out a snag that made me have to restart it entirely, wasting the material. I hate this. not only am I obligated to complete all 8 of them, but I overestimated my skill level and don't know what to do. my client told me to take a break when I offered a refund. I can't fucking take this shit anymore.

and I live in a household with another ED sufferer who gets triggered by anyone talking about eating (disordered or otherwise) so I just don't really have a way to verbally vent my frustrations

so disgusted with myself

oh also currently no health insurance so that's fun

So, I recently moved back in my old neighborhood and it got a LOT noisier in the almost two years I spent elsewhere. Music pumping out of every third car which passes through, and it's by no means a main road. Either that, or the neighbors using thin walls as an excuse, in that we just have to sit there and take it from their perspective. A lot of younger people, students and fresh graduates by the look of things.

I started trying to limit it a bit by assertively (just that, although I will admit that it takes some effort to keep things polite in many cases) approaching the mix masters and asking them to tone it down a notch, or take it elsewhere. I still have good relations with a few of the old neighbors, some people with well-behaved kids who do their best to keep to themselves, and many others who are elderly and have essentially given up on trying - not judging, but I'm pretty much alone in doing this.

Yesterday afternoon, a rando pops into the neighborhood, music thumping out of her car like it was the main stage. She parks, exits, music still thumping. I ask her what's the deal.

"Oh, pardon me! I didn't realise we were in the rich part of town!"

It was then that I experienced my first flood of intrusive thoughts, "there was blood everywhere... splashing..."

I could only reply with "no, it's a residential area, and besides a basic sense of decency, there are clear regulations about pumping techno for the full three blocks of town we're in," as I didn't trust myself with going off script while my brain was boiling with pure rage.

I'm fucking reeling still. It's all coming out as a nonsensical jumble of half-started sentences, my frustration and anger have become nonverbal.

And I hate that I have to pull out the "it's fucking illegal" card, too, but it's the only one which has any sort of traction. Otherwise, you get laughed off at best.

*I'm genuinely not exaggerating about this. I spend most of my day with headphones on, so I couldn't care less if my neighbor's washing machine starts taking tapdancing lessons, or if someone else's TV can be heard if you sit and listen quietly. I'm not the type to complain about footsteps in the night, but rehearsing porn lines in the AMs or trying out one's new trunk subwoofer's max volume tends to set me off. My rule is, if I can hear you clearly through decent-ish (Sennheiser M3 in-ears) noise cancelling, you're being too fucking loud.

Therapy is expensive, so the internet is getting this vent.

I had originally written this intending for it to be a reply to a comment talking about sources of the feeling, so this is divided by source.

Capitalistic:

I had one job (Job 1) that had poor sales so they laid off employees.

I looked for jobs for over 2 months and applied for a factory position at another workplace (Job 2); Job 2 reached out to me and said that with my credentials they wanted me in a higher up and specialized office position instead, which I accepted. I had been invited to weekly meetings with the higher ups, including the CEO and the like, but one day another employee who goes to these meeting said she got an email from our department boss (who happens to be a family member of hers) saying that I didn’t have to attend that day’s meeting; I did not receive this email. Later that week was the day before my 90 day performance review and qualification for benefits; boss called me into HR’s office to say that even though my performance was fine, they have eliminated my position in a re-org for financial reasons. Additionally, I had been hired by Job 2 before the tariffs had hit but after everybody knew they were coming, so Job 2 would have known their upcoming financial prospects beforehand. Did the people at Job 2 who handle the hiring ask for me to take that position just to use me for 3 months and then dump me? Was that their plan from the beginning? Did the employee who received the email know at that time that I’d be eliminated? Did other employees know I’d be eliminated? Did I do something wrong, either professionally or a social faux pas, that they wouldn’t tell me about?

I spent a much shorter time looking for work after Job 2. My current workplace (Job 3) had a recruiter reach out to me for my background and they hired me immediately, with a 40% higher pay than the previous jobs. “Training” was just standing over the shoulders of a couple of people in another position for a month, slowly waiting for new information to randomly come up. There has been basically no instructions or expectations presented of what is expected of my output/tasks. It feels like curiosity, etiquette, and any English language usage or academic/cultural references past maybe a 5th grade level are frowned upon and punished, whereas contradicting knowledge, crassness and bigotry, and unstimulating banal notions are rewarded. My manager provides unclear instructions and gets frustrated when I ask for clarifications, and he has my ideas and efforts to make things better or more clear twisted into points against me. I’m going to graded on “cultural fit” shortly, but I don’t relate to the simplistic interests that almost all other employees apparently have. I get explicitly told that I don’t fit in. They wanted someone with my qualifications and they met me during the interview, yet it feels like they wanted to hire an alien to be homogenous to them.

Other, non-capitalistic factors:

Family: Most of my immediate and extended family is of a particular religion. They’d say they care about me and that I’m a loved one but their doctrine says I’m categorically evil and that I should be punished severely. “Those who believe absurdities…” yada yada yada.

My immediate family stands by a narcissistic and manipulative family member. Among other things, this family member chose to do nothing about physical and verbal abuse that I had been receiving which he had the authority to stop, and (when we were both adults) he also threatened physical harm and attempted to take several thousand dollars worth of my personal property. I’ve since cut contact but my immediate family still tries to get me to go to events where he will be present. Everybody knows what this family member voted for too 😬, but I don’t need to familiarize you with the wider consequences of that.

Socially: I’ve never been popular or cool. As a child and even into college friend groups, I always felt like the nth wheel or an incidental afterthought. Most of my interests and hobbies were stigmatized or out of fashion, and rarely did any apparent friend of mine want to partake with me in those hobbies which weren’t. I didn’t get invited to most things. After college, most of my friends ghosted me; in one case, I wished one of them “Happy Birthday”, they responded “Thanks” and before I could write “You’re welcome”, they had blocked me.

Romantically: Generally, little success. Notable incidences: 

• A couple of brief relationships in middle and high school. Neither were too long or are too noteworthy. Both feel like they just wanted a person’s body more than a person themself, if that makes sense.

• In high school, a girl asked me to homecoming and I went with her since I thought she was generally smart even though I didn’t feel a strong connection; I assume she asked me out due to general pity, or due to a pious desire to help those in misfortune, or perhaps even to convert me. 

• Later in high school, the girl I had an interest in at the time had said she wanted to win a raffle for $100 or so when she happened to be sitting next to me at the drawing; incidentally, I won this raffle. In private, I asked if she’d take that money for a prom ticket with me, but she politely declined and said she didn’t like proms. A week or two later, I overheard her saying she’d happily go to (the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory themed) prom if she and others could “dress up like an Oompa-Loompa”. I’m less appealing than being an Oompa-Loompa?

• A common situation in high school was me developing a crush on a girl, only to be told later that she isn’t into my gender. I respected that, and moved on. This happened a very frustrating number of times; some of those times were later proven false, so I may have had a chance but didn’t even know I could take it.

• Dating didn’t happen in college. I thought I had a date once and it was probably the happiest day of my life because I really liked her and found the couple hours together really engaging and stimulating. A few days later, I find out that she isn’t into my gender.

• While at Job 1, I had signed up for a speed dating event in hopes of finding a proper venue to solicit a relationship from someone. Job 1 laid me off like a week before the event, and becoming unemployed crushed my dating appeal. Nevertheless, the event turned out to be a scam to steal my sign-up money.

• After starting Job 2, I had more confidence in my dating appeal and tried a couple of dating apps. I matched with someone whom I felt a really great connection with and whom I really admired, but she was sick at the time so plans kept falling through. On her end, her new job totally cancelled on her so she abandoned her plans to make a new relationship. She had given me her number, found out she had lost the upcoming job, deleted her profile, and after I texted her she told me she had deleted her profile and why.

• While at Job 2, I matched with somebody whom I knew from high school that I thought was attractive but whom I had previously thought wasn’t into my gender (as well as one or two other make-or-break factors for me that her profile clarified). We messaged briefly and then she ghosted me. 

• Finally got a match that ended up with an in-person date, my first in years. Going in, I worried we’d be too alike. Heading out, I felt we were too different. Her message afterward said that I’m “a cool guy” (I’m not) but she didn’t want to hang out again. It feels like she matched with me simply because I met her basic parameters (ex. no smoking, religious views, political alignment) rather than any personal appeal.

• Another match. Not a super deep connection but we were getting along. As we were beginning to make plans, Job #2 dropped me. I passed this info on to her and said that I’d feel insufficient in a relationship without a job, especially knowing from last time how long unemployment can take. 

• During the entire 6 months on dating apps, I’ve received only a couple of likes at most one app and zero compliments (the mode of engagement/solicitation) on Hinge, the other app. 

Online: Can’t have an account on this social media because the owner is a corrupt billionaire. Can’t have an account on this other social media because the owner is a corrupt billionaire. Can’t have an account on this other social media because the ads are so goddamn evil and perverse. Can’t have an account on this other social media because every post is by bots. Can’t have an account on this other social media because I get harassed and bullied by the owner for calling out problems and for honestly trying to do what is asked of users. 

In another thread, people are saying my feeling is paranoia. Is the above background a reason enough to feel unstable and unsure?

I try to do the right thing and to value kindness and empathy and education and ethics and all those good things, but it feels like these don’t get me anywhere. Why do the bigots and anti-intellectuals and abusers get to go home feeling satisfied and see people who love them but I don’t? I feel like less than a human but then I see what humans do and I feel glad I’m not like them but still feel like shit because I get nothing out of trying to be good. Once I feel like I’m in a good position, everything crashes down. What I work towards turns out to be a mirage and my values and efforts to make things better are prohibitive. Or maybe it’s just a goddamn curse on me.

My pants are getting on a bit so I figured I'd get some new ones. They fit me perfectly at a length of 32 inches, so I figured I'd buy the same online. My new pants are delivered and they're way too short. Alright, let's go to the shop instead so we can actually try things. The pants marked as length 32 are dragging on the floor. Let's try the length 30 then. Alright, that fits but I'm not too fond of the material. Let's try a different brand. Oh, the other brand is dragging on the floor at length 30? Let's check a guide to see how to measure my true size. Seems simple enough, hold a book between the thighs and measure from the floor to the top of the book. But the guide doesn't come with a chart to tell you the size, so let's check another website.. XS, that can't be right? Oh, it's actually from the crotch to the end of the trouser leg?

I'm so done with this..

I work in a 4,000+ person company. Two years ago, the CEO created a dozen new positions underneath him. President. Chief of Marketing. Chief of Design. Chief of Product. Chief of Buildings. Etc.

Some of it was needed. Many were not. My boss, a director level person, would end up in a room with like 15 of these Chiefs-of-X, and hundreds of other directors. There was no heirarchy. You'd have a Chief of Product working with the Chief of Design and Chief of Marketing.

Many of them would just walk around, making demands to push their personal initiative, do 2-3 "update meetings" a day then go fuck around and collect their $500k salary

Late 2024, a lot of us found ourselves in "Office Space"-level BS where we'd have multiple bosses. I was reporting to two directors, and four Chiefs myself. Every week, I would get verbally chewed out by one, and praised by another - all different every time.

Last month, we got a memo that there was going to be some "restructuring" of departments. Then last week, half the Chiefs were quietly demoted to Dept Leads managing a small team, or fired. No other staff was fired except the C-levels.

I don't know what sparked it.

But I won't deny this seems like a path in the right direction.

Back to school after 5 years, figured id finally finish up that engineering degree, got all of my Gen eds out of the way and me and my fiancée have even moved out to be closer to the school.

Did my first calc 2 lesson today, had so much trouble following even though I took my meds, we broke into groups and I was less than useless, didn't remember a lick from calc 1, very foundational shit. One little shit even laughed at me when I tried to answer something.

I already have a pretty big learning disability I'm working with, I feel like I'm going to have to relearn all the concepts from the first class just to keep up in this one. Not a great start to my school career and not making me feel great about picking school back up at 30.

That's it, respond how you want, I just think I needed to write this out to organize my thoughts on the matter

So, I placed an order last Wednesday, same country different city, it cost a not insignificant sum of money. Package only started moving on Thursday, although the shop had handed it over to the courier service the day prior.

Friday rolls in, delivery failed - package is supposedly too large for a delivery box, redirected to courier. I don't understand why the person delivering it to the box couldn't have called me, there's literally a locker bank every couple of blocks now, would've taken anyone tied to this one no more than 5 minutes to get to it. I get that it's a policy thing, I just don't understand why it's a policy in the first place. What-the-fuck-ever.

No show until today, Tuesday, status still unchanged, even though on Saturday I received a different order I had placed on Friday, through the same courier service. I didn't even request or pay for weekend delivery.

Call customer support, get picked up after 35-40 minutes of waiting. The package hasn't even been shifted from their box delivery depot to their courier delivery depot. In almost a week.

So now my options are as follows:

• wait and trust that they'll "expedite the transfer process and will do everything they can to get it to me as fast as possible"

• head to the depot myself, which is situated in a different town, by:
  a. taking the train, which'll be 3 hours total
  b. taking a bus, which'll be 3 hours total
  c. making puppy eyes at a cab driver and paying a fifth of my order's value (rough estimate) on the fare, and be back in 1.5 - 2 hours

They advertise delivery as overnight as long as it's in-country.

And this is all because they've cut back on their staff, in addition to continuing to underpay them. We have, like 5 different courier services in this country and they all suck donkey balls. The Post Office is now catching up in terms of efficiency, and they haven't changed since Communism was still a thing around here.

I'm gonna cut past a lot of stuff here, but for the last two years me and my gf have been in a constant state of moving/working fulltime/dealing with insurance bullshit. My now fiancée and I have finally settled into our newest place, and plan to stay here a minimum of 2 years. Since I've moved I'm waiting to tell my insurance because I know they'll say "well you can't have the same insurance anymore for some reason".

On top of this, I'm 30 and finally attempting the final college attempt (3 time dropout) to get my Mechatronics engineering degree. I recently learned this is going to consume 3 years of my life. Now I have to wait and see if this new schedule is going to get me fired or not as this is an extremely demanding job and my boss has still not checked their email. If so, I've gotta start cracking on new jobs.

It's just busy busy busy and honestly I'm not sure how I'm moving forward anymore.

Delete if this doesn't qualify as a vent.

Many moons ago I got perma banned like many other lemmings. Before that happened I found myself doom scrolling reddit, constantly arguing with people over my opinions and what I enjoy and being trolled. I overall enjoyed reddit though, and was a member for over 10 years. But after the ban and being forced to stop injust realized how shitty online communities are. I don't spend much time on Lemmy like I did reddit. And I can rechose the communities I want to be in. This also led me to stay off of TikTok and Instagram more and just... Chill.

So thank you reddit, without being banned I would have an unhealthy phone lifestyle still.

At this point I should use a different frontend, but given how often YouTube likes to break anything connected to it with its constant changes, I've put it off...

However it's not even the insistence on shorts that's got me writing this. It's their tile/square scaling for videos in general. On my display they're so massive you only see around six to eight videos at default zoom.

Even more annoying is they seem to go back and forth on this, so some days it's like this then it's back to something that lets me see a multitude of videos to choose from without constant scrolling. I understand there are way bigger problems with YouTube than this, but it's bizarre that among all the criticisms I haven't seen this as much.

The content recommendations vary wildly to often being trash, the push of shorts on desktop is bad, and to top it off they seem to want to make the basic browsing experience awful too. Yet they've basically got a near monopoly on user-uploaded videos so I'm stuck venting about them instead of moving to alternatives.

Somebody figure out how to make PeerTube or similar really happen for web's sake.

Yeah interesting that being away from bullies and creeps and abusive adults at an institution, rapists at high school, adults who treated me like a wild animal, and family who bullied me my whole life for every aspect of who I was, I actually have a personality, I can hold conversations, I can work a job, I take care of myself and my living space, and I don't cut myself as much anymore, fucking interesting it's almost as if that stupid shit is fake and all these children are suffering from being the roach of their families and being gaslit into believing constant bullying is love.

I fucking despise the way my boss prioritizes profits above all else, including employee/customer satisfaction. Why bother pleasing the customer if you're just going to fuck them over the next time they visit? Tired of being blame for the complaints about shit that's managements fault and I have no control over.

Maybe if they paid me enough to actually be the employee they seem to want, I would step up and help keep the place in code, but noooo that's too expensive on labor hours. Maybe you should've thought about that before you bought a restaurant???

I'm sorry about complaining here, I'm drunk and don't have anyone/where else to listen to my unimportant shit.

Everyone would seriously raise one child to be an unwanted dependent burden then bully it as revenge for it existing and being a burden. Yeah it could have been an independent human being but you raised it to be scum, and the reason why it's worthless scum is because it was born with some meaningless label, right. Then when it tries to do anything on its own everyone in its life bullies it for trying to be a real human. So funny that it thinks it's on the same level as actual people, right. It should know its place as a dependent burdensome permanent toddler. But then it's too old to need actual people washing its face and brushing its teeth, so the actual people use spit and toilet water as revenge. And if it says anything about it, it's just throwing a little fit for not getting what it wants when it wants and it's funny.

Doing anything on its own it's being a bad kid but then actually becoming independent is so inspirational, that some worthless scum managed to actually be like actual humans! It must be the stupid meaningless disorder that made her so stupid that she was stripped of all humanity by everyone in her life that made her so smart she could get a job. But everyone still hates her for not getting free money from the government so they sabotage the job and tell her to stop acting like she's more than. Right! Know your place. You are less than. You're less human than a roach. Even roaches are too good for you. You're supposed to be a helpless overgrown baby, but everyone will hate you and abuse you for that too.

The longer I live, the more I'll need to fight to just be a human being. What is the point of living if I'm only going to be seen exclusively as That Shit? I envy all the actual people who get to be actual human beings. Like, Toby Fox made those popular games, but if that were me, that stupid disorder made the game. It's popular because that stupid shit made me talented and smart. But if I lost interest in making games, that stupid shit made me uninterested. Just fucking eradicate that stupid fake shit already. Everyone is suffering from something with an actual name, definition, and treatment. That stupid puzzle piece shit is only an excuse to give up on children not worth anyone's time. It's fucking fake and it destroys lives before they can even start.

I have a problem at my job, I have certain coworkers I'm just a huge chatterbox with, I'm not making excuses for myself, but essentially we had a huge project coming up, a lot of looming huge wires, a lot of physical labor. I was chatting and working, admittedly slowing things down, when the supervisor of the department said, "hey, we're calling X over since he's faster, you can go back to your department."

I understand why that manager made the call and I won't blame my tiredness/apathy for why I was slacking, but having that reality check just really made me feel embarrassed and like I made an ass out of myself. I like to consider myself a professional but that was not professional of me.

Ugh, now I'm just grappling with these feelings and trying to make up for it by working my ass off in my department, but I had to take my break to vent.

I feel like I'm worth nobody's romantic time. I never ever flirt because of it. I always assume nobody wants me. And if they do, I genuinely figure they don't know what they want. I'm 26 years old and have never been with anybody. I do have hobbies, I dance (semi-professionally), I like to skateboard, I go to parties, go to the gym, etc. The only attention I ever get are from fat or ugly women. I have never met a woman I liked that liked me back. Or so I presume. Because, again, I genuinely cringe at the thought of me showing romantic interest and the other party not appreciating it. I actually feel like clawing my eyes out if that were to ever happen to me. And still I don't feel like changing, I am destined to die alone. I feel like improving my self esteem is the same shutting your eyes and pretending something isn't there. I also feel like I deserve it. I mean, if I REALLY wanted a girlfriend. I guess I could settle for a fat or ugly woman. But no, can't do that either. I would not be able to love someone if I felt like I only got there through a settlement of sorts. Anyway, I guess you could say, I am one lost cause mother fucker.