anonclare

so i am a young lesbian in high school. there was this girl i found really pretty and wanted to get to know more in the beginning of the school year, let's call her lynn. lynn is practically a genius, as people say, as she was only 13 when she started high school, and even then, is in all honors and ap classes. when she graduates, she’ll probably be in freaking like calculus ii or something at the age of 16.

i ended up becoming good friends with lynn's boy and girl best friend, "jordan" and "sara" and i found out that jordan had recently (at the time) gotten the courage to ask out this boy "benny" and he said yes so now he had a boyfriend. hearing about this and having a crush, i got the courage to confess to lynn at the end of the day, but because she wasn't in my class, we had no free time together, and i was pretty shy, i did a frowned-upon thing and confessed to her over text.

she said she'd love to be in a talking stage while we got to know each other more, and ended up surprising me by asking me out to be her girlfriend. i said yes, and she promised to make me stuff and buy me things, but also give me love and did none of that. it turns out, she was disgusted by the thought of kissing me [:(], didn't hardly wanna hold hands, didn't wanna tell me she liked or even loved me, and only gave me one gift and that was to win me over. i was the one making HER stuff and buying HER things, like sodas every morning, especially when she had no money of her own.

she eventually texted me, telling me we needed to talk, and told me i forced her into a relationship when she asked me out first, i was just the one to confess. she also said she hardly even knew me and that we should enter a talking stage again, but then said we were just friends and that she never said that. she would never text or talk first, and we eventually just grew apart. lynn said because we didn't connect instantly or form a spark, we couldn't even try to be friends and that it was over. she even scribbled out my name on her shoe and replaced it with someone else's, jordan's and sara's, and that made me sad. i don't know why, it probably shouldn't have made me sad, what she said and did.

now, she is polite yet blunt and while i don't try to be her friend, i only talk to her when she talks to me first. she asks me to be her partner sometimes, but only because she has no other friends in our class together and doesn't put in the effort of being a good friend while i do all the work. she can't even keep a conversation going with me.

but i'm so confused, because sometimes she'll act like a friend and other times completely ignore me. idk...

she has a girlfriend, but before said she's "not lesbian", that she only likes guys, and before that after she broke up with me, said she was aroace. but after a week started dating a dude. and while i wasn't there, and we were dating, she would constantly flirt with jordan's boyfriend and say she was gonna kiss and marry him. according to jordan, she ended up going "too far" with the flirting too, all while i was gone.

she herself is also autistic like me but she didn't like my best friend of like 6 years for having adhd and being "slightly more autistic" because he was "annoying", and she would always talk to him in a frustrated and condescending manner

way back when i was in 6th grade on orientation day, a girl “allison" was seated next to me in my first period science class. we began to chat and quickly became friends and she only trusted me. she gave me her number and we had a sleepover and i went to her house once. the other times i would try to go, she'd say she was busy with sports. now, maybe this should have been a hint or something that she was gonna throw me away, MAYBE, but she did say something about looking for the perfect friend who was preppy, blonde, and popular, looking just like her best friend in her old elementary school. i happened to be none of those things, but she said we could still be friends.

i guess she really had other plans though or changed a lot, because now we barely talk, she doesn't text first, and she doesn't even put in much effort in a conversation. i don't know if it's whether she's a bad texter or if she just doesn't like me.

she and the rest of my friend group started to avoid and even bully me. they already disliked me and said they never liked me and were only pretending to be my friends because i was the "weird" girl and the autistic girl. allison began to hang out with my biggest eighth grade bully, addison (they both had similar names IRL too but i won't doxx their names so i'm using fake ones). addison is, well, slavic like her, blonde, preppy, wears cute clothing and popular.

at first, addison seemed like a ray of sunshine and a very kind, cheerful girl, but she HATED ME, constantly making threats to me because i acted weird and acting in an aggressive or sarcastic tone, depending on the day, and even asked me if we were like dating or something because i'm a lesbian (she's a homophobic straight girl, or at least she says so)

allison is bi or used to be, as she "dated" a boy in 6th grade and seemed to like boys and then dated a girl named "lia", my ex-crush, who asked her out in seventh grade. well, allison became super in denial about her bisexuality as a very religious person with internalized homophobia, so she started hanging out with really christian, popular people i guess.

whenever i ask her something like "we should talk more, do you use [___] social media?" she says "no, sorry, i don't". when i ask how school's going or how her day is, she just says "good" or "it's ok". and doesn't even follow it up like by saying "how about you?" so it makes me wonder if she just doesn't know what to say and is shy like she has been all these years, or if she just doesn't freaking like me. i don't know, i miss social cues all the time. she used to compliment and flirt with me and say we should get married and live together, but now she's completely changed.

sorry if this is offensive. im autistic too and just curious. i have come across several people who are autistic making fun of or being rude to other neurodivergent folks, especially those who are autistic but need more support.

a good example of this was my ex-girlfriend “lynn". she hated my adhd + i think autistic friend (he told me he was autistic but then said he didn’t know). she would always talk behind his back on how annoying he was and would snap at him, going “mhm, yeah sure.” whenever he would talk and just being sarcastic.

lynn also, despite being autistic, said i was too weird to connect with and form a bond with and said we couldn’t be friends because we didn’t form an instant bond.

furthermore, my other ex-gf kayla questioned autism/neurodivergence. kayla also told me my autism made her uncomfortable, called me weird for having mental breakdowns and stimming, talking behind my back, and later completely ignoring my messages so we don’t even talk anymore when i tried to be her friend and forgive her.

so yeah, why don’t some neurodivergent people understand what it's like? wouldn’t it make sense for them to?

i only feel sexual attraction towards my partners, and they have to be sexual first. if they’re not sexual people, i only feel romance to them and no sexual feelings. i frankly don’t wanna bang anyone and have never felt like actually doing so until i met my partner, and even then, it’s more out of curiosity and romantic sparks than anything else (i’m super romantic so i’m not aromantic).

i only feel sexual feelings under certain circumstances, and even then, i use it to make myself happy and not really wanting to have sex with someone.

i am sure i feel sexual attraction, like probably towards my partner, but i’d say less so than most people do, perhaps???

i’m demisexual for now which is on the ace spectrum.

so i went on reddit, yes, i know it’s a cesspool, a sewer full of horrible people, but there was this one person whose story i was gonna read, their life’s story and needing advice on how to make friends. but when i clicked on their profile out of curiosity, i saw they had like karma in the -30s. i thought this would either be a troll or someone who was right and just got downvoted because redditors are stupid. turns out, they are, and she got upvoted a bunch for her opinions in a transphobic echo chamber.

she kept saying that trans women don’t deserve to be lumped in with cis women and that they take away women's bodily autonomy, that she’s been raped before and that trans women “take away” the depth of her experiences, and other stuff. she also claims that there are only boy stuff and girls stuff and that only men like video games and computers whereas women like makeup and romance and if a trans man likes makeup and romance or dolls, he is “proving” that he is a woman.

which is just stupid. i looove old tech and i’m a cis woman, wtf!?

she also claims she’s a centrist but this seems very right-wing to me, and she also claims that she wants to be very stereotypically feminine and that tomboys are misogynists and stuff.