Sarsoar

Im also killing myself on the 25th lol. During my partner's exam I'm going to my favorite bench, drinking a bunch of benzos and vodka, and then shooting myself. Ive had it planned for a while. Life isn't worth living anymore. I have too many mental health issues and trauma and have been fighting too long and can't imagine fighting for another 50 or 60 years.

I have thought about killing myself every day of my life since middle school and it is so freeing to have a solid plan and todo list of what I actually need to finish before I get to kill myself. I've tried before but I realize now I didn't actually want it as much then. I finally feel calm. I'm finally ok with just being a statistic.

Women are you going out of the office and I can come by the office to see you

Work or government issued.

I hate my gender, hate my body. Wish I could flip a switch and be anything else but I'm too afraid of the stigma to transition.

But I recognize that society, the government, doctors, my family, see me as a boy. So I use he/him.

In my mind its they/he. Some sort of demiboy or non binary, idk. I don't want gender. I feel trapped.

Thanks for responding. Hope you find meds that work.

Yea, I am afraid of that "flat" feeling. I feel like so much of my creativity, excitement, friendships, happy memories in general are from hypomania. Like my defining characteristics, my "spark", will be gone.

I get that my life is dysfunctional and the lows are debilitating, but the highs were the only time I was ever happy and I'm afraid the drugs will make me numb.

I just keep thinking, what is even the point?

I just got diagnosed yesterday. Im 31.

Dealt with depression for years, suicide attempts, self harm, and what I now realize was hypomania. I craved those moments because it was a relief from depression and I felt like I was actually able to accomplish everything I wanted.

Then I started suspecting I had adhd, because of the distractibility, lack of focus, losing jobs from lack of performance, and all the other overlaps. The psychiatrist yesterday said it was "obvious bipolar" and that we would try vraylar for the mood and check in again in a few weeks.

I cried in the meeting when he said bipolar, and cried myself to sleep when I got home. The stigma and all that. I have so many feelings rushing through my mind.

Reading symptoms and stories from people make it obvious that my happiest moments over the past few years were just hypomania, and my depression is explained by it, my conspiratorial thinking, ego, abusing exes, hyper productivity for those days, etc. My anxiety, irritability, anger, etc.

And then after the understanding and comfort that what I had has a name, comes rage. An anger at my parents, my school counselors, previous therapists for ignoring the signs or only focusing on depression. I feel like so much of my life was wasted. So much potential lost.

I saw this a while ago so some of it could be misremembering. But he commonly does tit-for-tat advertising where the throws money around and has people fake praise him and call him a genius and say his ideas are great and his chocolate tastes good.

So he did a collab with this other creator, had already filmed the other guys video and assumed he would get his ad and praise. So he brings out his chocolate and has the guy taste his and compare to others. The guy is honest and says his chocolate is too sweet, to this, not enough that. He says hershey or something is better.

The guy's honest review in everything he does, his integrity, is more important than the tit-for-tat from one of the most powerful youtubers.

Jimmy's demeanor changes when he realizes he isn't getting his fake words and he cuts the guy off fast, glares at him, and moves on, and never worked with him again.

Yea the first impact is not pancakey enough. And the second impact is too stone crumbly.

Also the chain is uncanny.

But this is still amazing and way better than anything I could do in 100 lifetimes.

In JavaScript, a const variable is an immutable constant that you cannot reassign. Similar to how many conservatives think of gender, an intrinsic fact of a person that you can only read, but never change.

The "let" keyword declares a variable in a local scope, the nearest surrounding curly braces. It can be changed in that scope, but does not exist anywhere else. I assume this is meant to concede that gender is a spectrum and your presentation can kind of wiggle, such as between "very manly" and "not as manly" but still a man. Like, a stereotypical lumberjack and a stereotypical twink are both men so there isn't "one way to be a man" but a conservative might say " but they are still men, you can change how you present but you can't change sex".

The "var" keyword lifts the variable definition to the top of the function, or "hoists" it up. A variable declared with var can be accessed and modified anywhere after the block it was declared in. Gender is a spectrum and it can be reassigned anywhere, at anytime, to anything.