Proposal6114

I have, all kinds of therapies over nearly 30 years, and with doctors and therapists from coast to coast in the US.

I've yet to find a therapist that helps. I've had some that I didn't like, and moved on, but even the good ones haven't been helpful.

I am grateful that you have found things that bring you peace.

Unfortunately ADHD is in my mix, I am a serial hobby abandoner. Scuba diving, guitar, synth, piano, glass work, neon bending, painting, drawing, 3d modeling, fly tieing, I could go on. Nothing ever sticks or even feels like it moves the needle.

I've been in and out of therapy for almost 30 years now, CBT, EMDR, Neurofeedback, DBT, psychodynamic, I'm sure I can't remember more. Have been seen by doctors from coast to coast here in the US.

My frustration is that everyone keeps telling me to keep trying. What's left? I've asked about ECT, but my nobody wants to take a risk with my cluster of issues. They won't even entertain a lobotomy.

At this point I'm on a handful of bullshit, including ketamine and psilocybin, just trying to alleviate something. All I get is two brief periods a week where it's not crushing, but I'm too out of it to really enjoy it.

I appreciate the advice, I've been trying. I really have.

I appreciate what you are saying, and I know I am loved. I know what I deserve even.

How long is reasonable for me to wait before I give up on feeling any kind of peace? As it stands, I have 8 years before I can even consider any other options.

Started with the cutting and suicidal ideation as a teen, and now I'm in my mid 40s now. I don't really even know if I know what it feels like to be happy. I just keep pretending everything is ok, under the surface I'm screaming for someone to put me out of my misery. Willing my heart to stop when I'm not otherwise engaged. Wishing I wouldn't wake up every night before sleep. And all desperately knowing that would be the worst for my child. But.

When does it get to be my turn to stop hurting.

Two Bonobo tracks have really been catching me lately. Stay the same and Shadow.

Same, ready to poison data against fascists anytime.

Thank you, had no idea what it meant and didn't have enough initiative to go look.

I fucking hate that things are so fucked that I actually took a second to evaluate that. In ANY other context I would giggle and move on.

Well done. I hate this timeline

Thank you for what you do, it's absolutely necessary and we need people like you. I wouldn't for a moment say it's not worth doing.

I don't blame them for not wanting to do construction. I ran fiber optic cable on poles, underground, into buildings for a long time. Not quite construction, but also not easy work. Pay was terrible, I was young, and they took advantage of me. for almost 10 years. I've roofed, I've framed, I've been a programmer, I've been a network engineer. ALL of those jobs were basically the same in that regard, decent pay sure... But the hours required, the recovery I had to go through. Nothing is worth that. I'm sad that I took this long to figure that out, I missed a lot of good times with my kiddo. I can never get that back.

That's the same thing that's happening to all of us at this point. There's NO reason there isn't enough money in the pipeline to get things built that need to be built, paying people a wage that they can live on, and without eating nearly all of their time 'off' work. If you have to take so much time to recover that you feel like it eats into your personal job, your work life balance is way out of wack.

I don't want to sound like I think your career isn't valid, or isn't important. Every single person that's a part of making our lives work deserves to get paid well. No matter their job. There are so many resources available to the world we could all have better lives, but then a small group of slime would have fewer 0's in their bank account. Otherwise, they wouldn't even notice.

To speak to the other side, there are a number of people that thrive in that environment. My dad was one of them. He's at the end of his life, dying of Parkinson's and now seeing the relationship I have with my kiddo. I can see the pain in his face. He wants to have had that with me, but decided that money was more important. He's going to die a multi millionaire, I hope those dollars comfort him.

That took a turn, I'm sorry. But it feels good to get out so I'm leaving it.

You see that none of that is a good thing right?

I don't want to work a job that destroys my work life balance for any pay. Doesn't matter how much. Nobody should have to give up their life for money.

Young people are more likely to want to take care of themselves and not have the toxic mindset you and I were brought up with. They aren't just taking it on the chin, or putting in their time, or whatever bullshit platitudes my generation and older like to sling at young workers or those not willing to eat shit for peanuts.

You are just perpetuating that toxic mindset, in servitude of the moneyed class.

Can you expand on what you mean by Firefox can't display large directories? Curious to see this for myself with FF and a couple of forks I'm playing with.

I just woke up everyone in my house with a giggle fit thanks to you. Yes weed is involved.

That was amazing.

Thank you, I'll have a look and see if I can suss it out.