OhVenus_Baby

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ml/post/28186091

A friend approached me confidently about realtionship advice and its a tough thing to address. What better place than to ask Lemmy given the broad scope of culture and more genuine reactions here. We figure what can it hurt.

Background:

A couple in my friend group have been together for 3 or 4 years who really seem to love each other looking in from the outside, are having some tension.

The lady doesn't input the same effort for planning life events, making any sort of weekend plans or after work activities. It's always the guy picking all the slack up and managing problems. Budgeting and making sure everything is in order. He cooks, does the cleaning, and generally does the relationship thinking as a whole. That is not to say there isn't some input from his partner, it seems she's very indecisive from how he describes when making plans or any sort of choices like where to eat or what to do during a problem of any magnitude, almost stress outburst behaviour from her. Defensive type lashing out against him.

He wants to know some advices on how to rebalance the effort scale and to generally improve the dynamic as she seems to be shutting him out according to him. It's always been imbalanced in effort since the beginning he said but they are good together. They want to make it work but the stress and tension is building to unhealthy levels from what I understand as in he's ready to break up. They don't fight really but there's some definite underlying issues, when he tries to talk about it or anything emotional derived she says things like she doesn't know, doesn't know how to explain the way she feels at all and says her mind is sort of blank and that is how he describes most of their deep talks. He described to me that their communication as he's a very involved communicator and she can go off and be unresponsive or completely not answer questions he asks like they don't exist.

There's tension between them she's snappy more often than not and deals with severe depression/anxiety. Hates her job. Is always in a negative mindset. While he is usually more upbeat and postive not bubbly but hopeful.

I've seen him have hard days and be tense and snarky as well who hasnt had a rough day? To me it just isnt like her where she always generally has smart comments towards anything. She's not what I would say is an uptight removed but almost anything can ruin her mood.

I'm likely missing some points here it's not my relationship nor am I good at these things but I'm trying so be easy on me here. The only thing I can tell is they genuinely seem to love each other. Sex life is imbalanced he has a high drive and her very low as in can go months then sometimes 1 to 4 times a month. They did get hormone testing but everything appears normal. Worth noting he said she sleeps excessively like after work all through the night most days. They no longer talk as much or text during the day. Where that used to be more common. He did mention she has a male coworker she works with daily that they are fairly close he is unsure of in-fidelity but they meet for work at his apartment every morning apparently it's easier since they share a work vehicle. I was told that he wanted to quit in a rush a few months ago and they had an argument because he was about to leave and she irrationally seemed to want to quit with him. At the very least their very emotionally tied. It may be nothing he said.

She told him she doesn't feel any different in the relationship for the way she views them when asked.

But just doesn't show attention anymore when he gets upset her response will be Boohoo or similar.

Personally I believe she's burned out and has anxiety on top of horrible depression but I have no real clue how to address that for them. It's such a personal topic.

Lemmy give them some of your best advices they used to be so full of life and laughter. Thank you all! If I missed anything or any specific questions just ask. We both are excited to see what comes of this.

A friend approached me confidently about realtionship advice and its a tough thing to address. What better place than to ask Lemmy given the broad scope of culture and more genuine reactions here. We figure what can it hurt.

Background:

A couple in my friend group have been together for 3 or 4 years who really seem to love each other looking in from the outside, are having some tension.

The lady doesn't input the same effort for planning life events, making any sort of weekend plans or after work activities. It's always the guy picking all the slack up and managing problems. Budgeting and making sure everything is in order. He cooks, does the cleaning, and generally does the relationship thinking as a whole. That is not to say there isn't some input from his partner, it seems she's very indecisive from how he describes when making plans or any sort of choices like where to eat or what to do during a problem of any magnitude, almost stress outburst behaviour from her. Defensive type lashing out against him.

He wants to know some advices on how to rebalance the effort scale and to generally improve the dynamic as she seems to be shutting him out according to him. It's always been imbalanced in effort since the beginning he said but they are good together. They want to make it work but the stress and tension is building to unhealthy levels from what I understand as in he's ready to break up. They don't fight really but there's some definite underlying issues, when he tries to talk about it or anything emotional derived she says things like she doesn't know, doesn't know how to explain the way she feels at all and says her mind is sort of blank and that is how he describes most of their deep talks. He described to me that their communication as he's a very involved communicator and she can go off and be unresponsive or completely not answer questions he asks like they don't exist.

There's tension between them she's snappy more often than not and deals with severe depression/anxiety. Hates her job. Is always in a negative mindset. While he is usually more upbeat and postive not bubbly but hopeful.

I've seen him have hard days and be tense and snarky as well who hasnt had a rough day? To me it just isnt like her where she always generally has smart comments towards anything. She's not what I would say is an uptight removed but almost anything can ruin her mood.

I'm likely missing some points here it's not my relationship nor am I good at these things but I'm trying so be easy on me here. The only thing I can tell is they genuinely seem to love each other. Sex life is imbalanced he has a high drive and her very low as in can go months then sometimes 1 to 4 times a month. They did get hormone testing but everything appears normal. Worth noting he said she sleeps excessively like after work all through the night most days. They no longer talk as much or text during the day. Where that used to be more common. He did mention she has a male coworker she works with daily that they are fairly close he is unsure of in-fidelity but they meet for work at his apartment every morning apparently it's easier since they share a work vehicle. I was told that he wanted to quit in a rush a few months ago and they had an argument because he was about to leave and she irrationally seemed to want to quit with him. At the very least their very emotionally tied. It may be nothing he said.

She told him she doesn't feel any different in the relationship for the way she views them when asked.

But just doesn't show attention anymore when he gets upset her response will be Boohoo or similar.

Personally I believe she's burned out and has anxiety on top of horrible depression but I have no real clue how to address that for them. It's such a personal topic.

Lemmy give them some of your best advices they used to be so full of life and laughter. Thank you all! If I missed anything or any specific questions just ask. We both are excited to see what comes of this.

Edit and UPDATE: They have started to talk again after being silent yesterday all day and have decided to take the week to each write a long and well thought out letter from each of sorts that address how their thinking individually, how they view each other, concerns to address, and ways to meet on level ground to try to form and maintain structure during times of stressful interactions rather than both going in defense and bring more hate into the relationship.

She said she wants to try to speak with her doctor about mental health problems including ADHD, anxiety, depression, and also wants to learn to take time to focus on activities that she derives happiness from or did before the shutdown aspect (art most likely is my understanding but only she knows I suppose) and to spend less time sleeping. They are going to remain talking throughout the week casually it seems and plan to swap letters and have an more formal discussion at the weeks end.

If I hear more, I will update this and keep the help and advice good or bad coming!

My signal app a week ago had 2 seperate, a few days apart, app updates from the app itself. Asking to check install from unknown sources to be checked inside the settings. Giving prompts from the notification drop down. Such as app update available. Click it, asked for setting to be checked, I checked it, it said it updated, all seems well and fine.

But doing this outside of both stores which usually update the app from say F droid or Aurora. I've never seen this happen ever. It wasn't a user confirmation. It was a total app update.

Seems odd that the signal app itself asked to update itself from a notification from the drop down menu. How can I make sure it has not been compromised? Anyone else experienced something of the sort?

Android phone. Pixel. Gos.

Basically what the title says. Someone I know is building a house and they want all sorts of security and privacy added benefits one could have with no hold backs.

This post basically serves as a place for everyone to come contribute ideas, hardware, and software, even self hosting is possible to increase the safety, security, and privacy of the home. So feel free to contribute thoughts and ideas but please include how to implement your concept if you can!

Plug and play is preferred but a little reasonable amount of self hosting could be done, with a preference on mechanical hardware where possible but not a hard set requirement.

While money isn't an major issue within reason, be realistic and preferably eco friendly. Thanks everyone ahead of time!

Hopefully someone can shed some light on this idea. Or explain something that kind of fits/fills the use case and need. I am looking for a basic operating system that can be updated across multiple devices like a living OS.

For instance I have a desktop PC high end specs with the same Operating System as a laptop or tablet but it's live sync. Meaning apps, files, changes made on one system are the same on all devices. I've looked at cloning drives and have done it. Far too slow and cumbersome.

This would be essentially changing devices based on hardware power requirements but having the same living operating system synced across all devices so all data and abilities remain the same anytime something is needed.

Maybe I'm being far fetched or what have you and this might possibly be in the wrong Sub. But I assumed it would fall under self hosted almost. Ive considered a NAS and I'm open to other ways to structure the concept ALL IDEAS WELCOME feel free to expand on it in any way. But dealing with different operating systems and architectures of various devices is wildly difficult sometimes for software, mobility, power requirements not watts but processing power, cross compatibility. I've seen apps that sync across devices but some desktop apps and mobile apps aren't cross compatible and with self hosting so many services that function well across networks and devices after years of uptime you sort of forget the configs of everything it's a nightmare when a single app update or container causes a domino affect. Thanks everyone hopefully this is helpful to others as well with similar needs.

The stock Graphene SMS app sucks, it lacks basic features and customization that standard SMS apps have.

I see no real need to keep it for security and privacy reasons unless someone can share legitimate information about the application for a need to keep it that is note worthy I am all ears to be educated.

I'd like to explore other privacy focused SMS alternative apps. Not services. Just the app. Thanks! I hope this helps others too. I can't be the only one! I chose top 3 because I would rather not try 50 apps. Just the cream of the crop.

Edit: I tried several. Fossify seems to be the best overall, I encourage others interested to try it on F-Droid. Thanks everyone!

I have loads of files and paperwork that can be scanned into files. I would like to have AI scan all the data, compile results and recommend options. For instance.

A large list of 176 food items ranked based on ones immune system response to each food item compiled into a diet plan. I can strip the identifying information for privacy reasons.

I just want to know how to have AI do more advanced tasks. While also respecting privacy. These concepts seems reasonably possible. However Chat, and other LLM do not scan files as they cannot be uploaded or scanned and input.

Self hosting possible but not necessary for this as I can strip personal info before uploading or inputting.

Phones are kind of a mess and it seems PCs are far more secure/anon vs even graphene on a pixel. Drives aren't very easily backed up or even cloned. Software is limited on mobile or needing flashed or rooted. There's a lot to a phone that could be easily solved by a tablet/2 in 1 or Micro PC with SIM capability for phone replacement if size could be slightly larger. Working or doing much if anything even on a 6.7in screen is not that good Samsung Dex was awesome but not quite the same. So I'm willing to go larger. It would be nice to go from phone usage to gaming power. But be able to add multiple internal SSDs slots as USBs are just slower and finnicky fiddly.

But it seems PCs are leaps and bounds more capable. And SIM capable 2 in 1s are the middle ground. Which would be a better daily driver for anon and security? Convenience when on the go without sacrificing processing power as least as possible.

What about a central PC setup that you carry everywhere? Having access to running VMs, servers, all on the go. Not a laptop but similar to an micro ITX or Intel NUC.

AR mirroring PC glasses would be what I really want. The hardest part is a convenient mouse keyboard setup for times like laying in bed at night. There's so many devices things get cumbersome to do and process all the time chargers, peripherals, cables, OS types. So I was wondering what are some other peoples perspectives on this type of thinking and solutions.

Its actually seeming like a device to cast or transition screen size is most convenient. Say from AR, to TV, to monitor, or phone sized easily without always cabling in to change.

I currently use Mint, as do several family members and friends. Its been nothing short of impeccable. I was occasionally tweaking things until now sometimes the game crashes, PC freezes requiring hard reset. Everything used to work pretty flawless out the box. Should I reinstall my mint or look at PopOS, Bazzite, Nobara, Etc? I'm at the point in my life. Where we all need something to just turn on and play. I want some shit that just works. Or reinstall mint but how without losing all my files and settings? and keep it moving as usual as it used to be flawless. Tweaking is fun until you tweaked so much shit breaks lol. I'm over tweaking. Just wanna game. I keep seeing immutable is good so that's why I ask. Thanks!!

5600x 6700xt Its an all AMD build over here :)

Edit: You guys convinced me I'm booting it up now with KDE! I also plan to try PopOs. I'm excited. Thanks everyone!

I am new to using Monero. What are the rules to moving anon. and safe with Monero. Safest exchanges, Wallets, and sources to spend online would be ideal. How does one turn cash into crypto. Debit cards possible or surrogate spenders?

This should be far more secure and privacy friendly than a Sim card of a cellular connection. Why isn't this done more often? What are the Pros and Cons. I bet the price is similar as well.

I am looking for any methods to add privacy to Siri. I do not use apple products but it appears their voice assistant is the most privacy friendly option of the mainstream brands. How can I privatize/anonymize the smallest apple device with siri for daily use. Such as an iPod or iPhone jailbroke or not, or homepod device. I do not have the time to do a lengthy setup. I need plug and go for the most part as I am overworked already. I am using this for voice reminders, to do lists, the basic stuff, asking questions. Thanks.

Edit: Besides locking it in a sound proof danger box, using a voice changer as input, hard wiring on its own little danger spot on the network, fake account, pi hole, and VPN. Any realistic ideas?