DelightfullyDivisive

I dated somebody whose family used that as a synonym for farting. So thank you for taking it outside!

I didn't write the above, but it might be recoil. For example, a 12 gauge kicks a lot more than a 5.56.

I try to separate the art from the artist. It reminds me a lot of the controversy surrounding Ryan Adams. What a brilliant songwriter.

Same here. The bodies in the trunk, and the person who was responsible really stuck with me.

I have found the opposite in rural Michigan (northern US). My wife's family has a vacation home, and skilled tradespeople are slightly cheaper around there. The place is more than an hour from any large towns, but 30 minutes from several small towns.

Maybe population is distributed differently here due to the way infrastructure is funded?

I have met one trans developer in the last 35 plus years, and I have worked at a lot of different places. I am based in the Midwestern US.

Is this more a European thing?

I was wondering what on earth the programmer socks memes were about. I guess there must be enough people somewhere to make this meme-worthy.

That is the one that I edited. You don't see the same thing I do? (Thanks again for following up, by the way!)

I edited my post - thank you!

I thought that Western style Democratic republics were leading the world toward purely secular forms of government, but yet another group of sociopaths has managed to take power. They have distracted the science-illiterate majority into petty conflicts based on different versions of magical thinking.

So, "sane" would mean that we don't elevate the least sane among us (sociopaths) into positions of power. "Rational" would mean that public policy decisions are mostly made based on evidence, rather than fundamentally irrational belief systems.

I fear that we are barely-sentient primates doomed to repeat the same awful mistakes, when simple, obvious solutions are within our grasp.

That we can build a sane, rational society.

You aren't "just toxic", but there are some ADHD traits that are probably behind both the original behaviors and your reactions to your partner calling you out for them. The number one thing is probably feelings of shame because you forget important things, or because you impulsively say or do things that you later regret. Shame and regret are very unpleasant feelings, and it is normal to want to avoid them by justifying your actions.

I would suggest trying to buy yourself a little space when your partner calls out your bad behaviors. Take a deep breath, and maybe say "I'm sorry. I'm trying to get better at that." Or, "I'm sorry, I didn't think that through or I wouldn't have said it."

The two things that drive most negative behaviors are distractibility (which is why you forget important things) and impulsivity (which is why you say or do things that are hurtful, but realize it after the fact). Medication can help with both, but it takes a lot of work to reduce the impact to the point where it's not a big negative in your life.

Having a good reminder system can help with forgetfulness. Every phone comes with a calendar and a to-do list. Keep using them and understand that it is a whole set of skills to use them effectively, so it's going to take time until you get good at it.

Impulsivity is a bit tougher to overcome. A few simple breathing techniques, and a regular meditation practice can go a long way toward reducing that, though. (Meditation doesn't mean becoming a Buddhist. Just using one of the meditation apps on your phone every day will have a cumulative effect over the course of weeks and months.)

Skim the book, "working effectively with legacy code". In a nutshell, you write characterization tests around the module or method, then do safe IDE based refactorings, then do some slightly more significant refactorings. After that the code should make enough sense for you to make changes if you need to.

It is as much in art as a science. The important thing is that as you are doing refactorings, the main one you do is to extract methods, and give the methods clear names that say what they are doing. You should be left with a top-level method that reads like a narrative of what the whole thing does.

Medication helps me quite a bit. I am also using Atomoxetine. The effect is much more subtle than stimulants, but I think just as powerful in the long run.