Strange Planet by Nathan W. Pyle

"Hot leaf liquid, how could my nephew say such a thing?"

Only the fraudulent lactations of grain

"Would you care for some fried chicken embryos?"

"Beldar, we don't eat fertilized eggs, so those aren't embryos."

"Maybe you don't!"

"Do you want a cup of warm milk?"

"I will not drink bovine lactose at any temperature!"

Sucks the author is a conservative anti abortion nut. I do like the aliens.

Edit: did some more research... he is "Pro Life", but is not necessarily a conservative. He said he votes for Democrats. He also said his Christian faith informs his private beliefs. So he's a mixed bag and not necessarily a conservative nut as I had previously read and shared above.