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I grew up having no idea I had ADHD (probably on the spectrum too, given that my kids both have it and ADHD and autism are almost like smoke and fire), and instead just had no idea what was wrong with me. Because that's the support I got, being repeatedly asked "what's wrong with you?" for thirty years.
This is weirdly common, from what I've heard. You'd think it would be obvious that a disorder (or neurotype, or whatever you call autism) requires accommodation, which requires self-advocacy, which requires being allowed to know what's going on with you.
I was just always told "stop that or people will think something's wrong with you"
Yup. My parents weren't willing to even think about testing me, so it was "stop that, just be normal".
I just had a realization. In early childhood children with autism are usually more expressive, but frequently get told behavior, conversation topics and mannerisms are bad, weird or wrong.
In adulthood the stereotype for autism is being uptight, anxious and reserved people who only open up when it is about a major interest.
Well is this even an autism problem or the result of years of being told everything we say and do is wrong? Of course people would be introverted and anxious.
I've thought about this too! How much of our traits are the actual autism, and how much of our traits are a result of abuse and marginalization?
I wasn't always afraid of meeting new people, but after enough bullying and being taken advantage of, I learned to not trust my ability to judge others unless I've known them for a longgg time. So, please excuse me if I'm not excited to meet you, but I don't know if you're going to be an asshole or not yet, and I'm not going to be insincere about it.
I can actually use some perspective on this. I am autistic, my partners autistic.. our 3yo has all the signs of being the same. But there aren’t any problems so far and we wouldn’t hide the fact. But i believe people should be themselves and children still have a pure chance on discovering themselves, i dont want to confuse that with a label.
I agree with you and am happy for all three of you guys! You and your partner found each other, and your kid has loving and caring parents.
In retrospect, I think my life would have been much easier and happier if my parents would have told me about my differences early on, while still withholding the diagnosis until I was probably in high school, which I'm assuming is when I would feel comfortable with my differences and needed a name for it.
As for the differences, it would have helped to compare me to my mother's style of perceiving and thinking, highlight my strengths and weaknesses in relation to other kids, and then use my strengths to help with confidence and tackle deficiencies stemming from my weaknesses. There would be no shaming, but honest acknowledgement, appreciation, and helpful guidance to make me better prepared for independence and navigating the world autistically.
I hope that helps! Is there anything else you would like someone's perspective on, elaboration or discussion?