Honestly wish I could do that. I've gotten so used to masking my inability to do small talk that I basically just say yes to everything. It's super annoying and something I want to work on, but I dont really know how.
this post was submitted on 24 Aug 2023
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Its incorrect wording but i shorthanded it to 'embrace the sociopathy'. Very nice little koan to drop on the programmed reaction i've had to natural ASD reactions
'You can't do that it's sociopathic!' No ma it's ASD and i'm tired of pretending i'm not to save your face.
Since the acronym for sociopath is ASPD, I will often respond with something like "nuh uh, mine has one less letter". Pretty niche, but when someone gets it, so good.
One of my first mentors as a nurse was this old battle axe who had been around in the ER for decades. Tough as nails, hard as a rock. She was pushing morphine in some young girl's IV. This girl was maybe 18 years old and having a good amount of pain, nothing crazy but needing medication. She was really anxious about it. She foolishly asked the question, "What's the worst that could happen?" The nurse answered, "You could die." No expression or sympathy or care. And she just kept on slowly pushing the morphine without another word as the patient visibly tried to suppress her terror.
If you're in the ER I'm not sure what else you'd be expecting.
That reminded me a bit of that time I was spending the summer at grandparent's and went to the gas station to buy a few things I needed, and saw a magazine special dedicated to a tv show that was really popular with girls at that time, including a dvd and 3d anaglyph glasses. Picked it too.
Cute early 20s girl in the counter: "ohhh, do you like this show?? :D" Me: "no, I'm just buying it for the 3D glasses for using them with Minecraft" girl: "oh okay :/"
me, almost a week later, playing Minecraft at 3 or 4 AM: "wait, was that flirty?"
Hah, I used to be like that in school, but that didn't go well at all. After all those years of having to keep quiet I've kinda lost that ability to be so straightforward. I wish it was normal for people to say what they think even if it isn't nice.
Never ask questions you don't want an honest answer to.
I find the trick is to spin what I want to say into somthing positive. I can't lie but I can avoid the questions, or just be vague.
In this situation. "Will you miss us?" (assuming I won't)
"Perhaps we will have the opportunity to work together in the future" (not implying I actually want to)
"So long everyone!"(ignores the question, this may also end the conversation as youve given yourself an out)
"I'm sure I'll meet many new people at my next opportunity" (to them it may imply you where happy to meet them, even if you where not)
In this case, he was never going to see these people again, so no need to play the neurotypical game of lying to spare their feelings.
This is often why autistic people don't climb the ranks in technical organisations, even if we are much better at our jobs. Some places create technical specialist roles that are equivalent status but there is a premium on leadership qualities rather than technical excellence.
The Egyptians built the pyramids by moving huge blocks of stone on skids. This was achieved by organising vast amounts of manpower. What they needed was some autistic people to point out that only a handful of people are required if you use some wheels.