Ask Lemmy

OP, please mark this post as NSFW.

I've had my full dick and balls groped by an older (like 50's) lady at one of my jobs (I was maybe 20-21). Brought it up to management and was told "What!? No way! She's just a sweet old lady, she would never do anything like that!"

Meanwhile she not only grabbed my whole ass genitalia, she whispered "I'd love to see all this up close" while doing so.

No one ever believed me and it happened multiple times hence why I no longer work there..

My father forced me to masturbate to child porn by pretending to be a girl at my school on AIM. I would get scared and freaked out, stop responding to the account, then he would call me and demand that I keep talking to this "girl" because he was bothering him at work. Very graphic, explicit highly illegal shit. He also encouraged me to share his sex toys. Once he made me jerk him off.

Later he planted CSAM on my stepfathers laptop and got him fired from his job, arrested, years long court case attempting to prove his innocence before they finally dropped the case when we found time stamped photos proving my step dad was not at home. The FBI dropped the case right before trial.

Nothing happened to my Dad. He died a decade later still a PoS. There was a funeral, but I didn't tell any of his friends. He didn't deserve mourning. This all happened when I was between 12 and 20. The last time I talked to him before he passed, when I was 30ish. My girlfriend at the time left the room, and apropos of nothing he asked what kind of porn I liked and suggested ways to hide it from her.

Yes, this chick I went on a Tinder date did. I showed up to pick her up, then she's like "how about we stay in", so I said "ok sure". She already had stuff cooking so obviously she planned on not going to dinner or anything. Anyways we had dinner, it was ok. Her profile picture was obviously older (shocker), but not catfish levels or anything, she still was cute/ok. Anyways we had a couple drinks, and she ruffied one or both of them. All I remember is getting super tired, then flashes of her riding me on the couch.

It's absolutely disgusting movies treat guys getting SAed as a joke but it's treated as serious for women. I think there's a movie, 40 days and 40 nights where the dude is literally tired to a bed and a girl basically raped him and it's treated as a comedy scene.

I have been coerced before, by my ex wife.

Long story made short, if she wanted sex and I didn't, and I said no, it would always pan out the same way. We'd start at "Did I do something wrong?" And end up at "everyone hates me and I should just go ahead and kill myself." So I stopped saying no even if I didn't want to, because honestly it was faster to just give her what she wanted.

As a man, it feels so minor compared to what everyone else will associate with sexual abuse, but my therapist tells me abuse is abuse and that nobody would question it if the genders were reversed.

It's had effects even 5 years after we've separated, but I'm getting better. Learning to take up space again.

Yes, was SA's by a priest when I was a kid (mid 1970s), along with a lot of other people over a 30-40 year span. In the late 1980s, there was a joint lawsuit against him, with about 130 cases, many willing to testify. But he was a "pillar of the community," and had stronger support (and lawyers) on his side. It went back and forth for a few years, then he died of a heart attack. The case kind of died with him, except his widow went after some of us with ruthless cruelty and legal harassment.

A friend's ex (not ex at the time) apparently sucked my dick when I was blackout drunk. She "confessed" to him, but told him I initiated, and that fucked up the friendship for a while until he confronted me about it and I set things straight. I'm pretty sure he believed me, she had a bunch of other behavioral problems and she'd cheated before, but things are still weird. At least they're not together anymore.

I'm a woman.

I was SA-ed when I was 7. A teacher saved me, it would have been more than SA if he hadn't. My mother said "I know, don't mention it again" when I told her.

I've been coerced into sex by both my (ex) husband and boyfriends multiple times because I thought women had a duty to say yes when they wanted sex. I was forced to have anal sex without lube a bunch of times.

I never want to have sex with a guy again.

Yes and every woman I know personally has either been raped or sexually assaulted. My own mother and sisters included. I have a sneaking suspicion that my dad has his own story, but I don't know the details.

My ex-husband was propositioned by his step-father when he turned 18 years old.

My best friend was routinely raped by her husband until she could finally leave him.

My own stories are varied and have happened sporadically through my life.

Whenever I share, it goes poorly and I only end up triggering myself. I now only share with people in my inner circle and only if it's relevant to something. Talking about it is really hard and if it goes poorly, it can retraumatize. Women have to defend immediately, ala "well what were you wearing?" Bitch I was 4. I don't blame people for not talking about it more openly.

Yup i was a work at a apartment building when a guest was staying at an apartment they waylayed me in the stairwell i froze as they kissed me and forced themselves on me only thing running through my mind was just go with it if they say i was the one who assaulted them instead i could lose my job or in trouble legally since it would be my word against there word. Luckly before we got to sex i was able to convice them i would come back another time i can't do it now and i made sure to never see them around again and avoided them while they were around.

This should be NSFW. Not everyone wants to be reminded of being SA'd by scrolling Lemmy

When I was around 20(M) my older boss regularly tried it on with me. She always tried to lean into me with her large chest. Then one day she basically exposed herself to me.

Another coworker said she did this with him too. Eventually we both explained this to upper management and she was gone within the week.

I always felt bad because Iin this case it was addressed quickly. Yet I know if my female co workes were in a similar situation.... Well, I hear enough to believe that the story would be different. For the worse.

Yup. Twice.

Yes. (I am a woman and pretty old so I guess it goes without saying but yes.)

Yeah. One time by a stranger that lured me to their car with baseball cards and candy. Legit, no joke. There is a reason those PSAs exist. Another time by a neighbor. And the last time was by my friend's grandmother. All of this happened before I was 10, I didn't tell anyone until much later in life.

Raped as a kid by a family member (a woman),
Raped as a teen by a predator "boyfriend" who was well into his 30s,
Raped by my gynaecologist during an IUD insertion appointement, SAed by my boss's best friend during a work party.

I'm tired, boss.

Yes, I have. The others in my party who saw it happen just laughed about it.

Yes.

As a young teen by a stranger. He knew my routine and when I would be alone walking and would intercept me.

A couple of times more recently...I don't know if it would really qualify as assault because they were pretty minor incidents but it was by women I met on a dating app.

The other aspect of not discussing it is even if it’s acceptable some people get hurt about it. Even though you know you can you don’t, because it’s upsetting.

I have been assaulted. In the early years I wanted to talk about it, some people would but I felt like a weirdo discussing it, like I could handle it more than them. And then when you are calm and cool when discussing it there’s those who accuse you of being too cold about it. The people around me who love me can’t handle it, then it stopped being discussed it and it becomes a sad dirty little secret.

Yeah. I'm a guy, I was maybe 15 at the time. I was at the library, and met my buddy's girlfriend there randomly.

I learned after the fact that she was sleeping around with a bunch of guys to prove some kind of a point, I don't know what exactly. She was kind of generally awful.

But yeah, we spoke briefly in the library and then I took off home. She followed me home. I didn't know this until she knocked on my door and let herself inside, and from there I was just so off-balance by the entire thing that I just went along with it. She pinned me on the couch and started kissing on me and things went from there. I put up some kind of token resistance, I think, but I barely knew what was going on, I had never had any kind of sex before, I had barely had a girlfriend before, I was in completely foreign territory and just let myself get led by the nose into something I didn't want to do.

It caused a big, massive fight between me, her, and the buddy in question (who I was actually really close with and I got really messed up by this whole interaction) but it eventually ended up the best way it could have, where we both cut all contact with her and basically never saw her again.

But to this day I still have consent issues, especially I find it hard to initiate sex even with someone who I absolutely know is into it and wants it. I just can't. A recent ex and I eventually broke up because I would never initiate so, we just never did it. Just the possibility of putting someone in that kind of situation just puts me completely off the mood, if I'm not the one being advanced upon, it just doesn't happen.

My ex (and her friends) from over 20 years ago peer pressured me (and probably her, too) into having sex way earlier than I intended. Then she regretted it and became increasingly distant. Then I resented her for becoming distant. Then I started having non-sexual relationships with others and she resented that, so she started having casual sex with my bandmates. It was terrible for everyone involved. Should have just stood my ground when I said no the first time…

Not a typical “me too” story and I won’t pretend that the experience was anywhere near as traumatic as others have had, though it was traumatic for me and destroyed years of my young life.

When I was in middle school, my bully shoved four of his fingers up my butt on the school bus ride home. I never told anyone, because I was told by the Bus Driver that the bus was "Constantly being recorded" and that if anyone "did anything" it would be caught on video. A lie to prevent kids from talking I guess.

More recently at a Wendesday Breakfast/Food Bank, there's a severely mentally handicapped individual who grabbed my boobs without permission multiple times. I didn't know how to file a report someone so blatantly mentally disabled (I really don't know how to politely say what he was), and he was well liked by the staff anyway, so I just stopped going.

Yes, and it went beyond that. I have accepted that I’ll probably never be able to have a normal sex life.

Yeah, as a child and as an adult. As a child by the ones that should have protected me and as an adult man by drunk women who mimic the behavior they experience.

Fuck in sad world. I have a good therapist and hardship built me so i got shit tons of empathy and a thick skin to deal with everything thrown at me.

🫂

Im so sorry for the pain you had to silently carry for years

But something Ill add is The thing I find fucked up is that we have stories like yours happening agaim and again and again and they keep on and keep on and keep om happenimg ....and yet....humanity hasnt dont a darned thing to permanently change this.

We will have stories just like yours here once again in 20 years whehn someone askes this same question to the next generation sadly....

Itll never end until humanity ensures that it ends.

Sorry once again 🫂