That poor spider.
this post was submitted on 11 Oct 2026
607 points (99.2% liked)
Not The Onion
22680 readers
398 users here now
Welcome
We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!
The Rules
Posts must be:
- Links to news stories from...
- ...credible sources, with...
- ...their original headlines, that...
- ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”
Please also avoid duplicates.
Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, ableist, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.
And that’s basically it!
founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
video she posted of herself confronting a Girl Scout and the child’s mother
She thought that was a winning interaction to post of herself?
You know, I think headlines like these might be getting to the point where they don't even qualify as onion-like. The Onion headlines are at least clever jokes that make sense when you think about them. This is more like someone playing "yes and" with a bunch of crazy people.
She was convicted of gross misdemeanour harassment and misdemeanour domestic assault
I guess tarantulas aren't cute enough to warrant an animal cruelty charge :(
load more comments
(3 replies)
Poor Tarantula.
the Hennepin County workhouse
the what now?
some places never really had that veneer that slavery ended.
Hate to break it to you but slavery did not end in the United States, it outlaws it's use except in the case of lawful detention. Ie. The state and the feds can own people but you nor I cannot.
Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction.
Section 2
Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.
It's Minnesota, so maybe they're just choosing to be honest about it?
For a politician it's probably the first contact with real work.
Facts buncha actual welfare queens
There's a whole video of this floating around on the internet. I usually don't go in for videos that look like the old Cops show, but that one is worth a watch.
The woman she was harassing was renting out the basement of the house through Airbnb because she was fleeing domestic violence.
Simonetti didn't even own the property. She was illegally subletting the basement. The cops showed up and Simonetti was so crazy that the cops weren't having it.
a karen in its feral state.
I’ve seen this too, these people are terrifying. Here’s the link to the full body cam. Get ready for a whole helping of crazy eyes
Holy fuck! You guys were not lying, what a wild ride!
That was fucking insane, like, Jesus christ, don't let this bitch control ANYTHING!
I skipped on the other videos, but got sucked in by the crazy eyes comment. What a ride!
Here is another article on this that I found a little bit clearer in terms of what happened. So basically her tenant asked her to fulfill a basic responsibility that landlords are supposed to handle and she had an absolute fucking meltdown? Honestly the tarantula is the tamest part of it. I hope the tarantula is okay and also that the tenant is okay, not because the tarantula was a real danger but because of every other fucking thing this woman did. Good lord.
From what i saw of her cop-slop episode it wasn't even her property. She was illegally subletting it.
Both by the terms of her rental contract and that short term lets were illegal in the city.
Unfortunately I doubt it is. Tarantulas are surprisingly fragile; a throw like that would most likely kill one :(
This is so much worse than "neighbor".
Also, how fun:
Simonetti "intercepted" groceries ordered by the individual and refused to return them until officers told her to do so
Attempted murder.. yikes
I wonder why she's running as an independent. Couldn't be more qualified to be a Republican.
Although she initially launched her political career as a Republican and lost two Hennepin County Board races in 2024, the local 3rd Congressional District GOP committee withdrew its endorsement following her 2024 arrest, stating she 'does not reflect our values'.
The GOP kicked her out for bad behavior. She's too much for the addicts and pedophile warmongers.
load more comments
(1 replies)
The bodycam footage of the incident is wild. She’s a complete and total piece of shit.
Change society. We need to stop letting these people continue their paths of destruction.
Things like this should prevent you from ever being able to hold a job again. We just need stronger laws against this kind. A new country would fix this shit so fast. I'd rather be in a place where we celebrate each other and kick out those who choose to oppress others.
In my country, this would be cause for deportation. Send the monsters to an island. Idc.
It may sound harsh, but our only currency is time and these people continue to rob us of our time. We all have to work to support a system that allows people like this to carry on with a slap on the wrist.
The changes that I would like to see
-
Obligatory psychology tests for those wanting to enter politics. Narcissists and psychopaths should be automatically disqualified, sorry.
-
wealth caps (would have to he world wide for it yo work) where each person can only own or control up to (for example) 5 million dollars. Once you hit that net worth, your income (any income) tax bracket goes to 100%. This way nobody will have crazy amounts of mo ey of power ever again
-
re-create the UN (Uited Nations), and give it teeth this time. Remove any and all veto powers. Allow it to intervene only in any country that is at war to stop the war (if invaded to remove and destroy the invader,if invading to destroy the regime attacking), or is not a democracy ( to topple the dictatorial regime). This could stop every war in the world right now.
-
allow only parliamentary democracies, preferably without allowing political parties as those always end in corruption and friends politics
-
make voting obligatory world wide, anyone 18 and up. Teach politics in all schools world wide
also blared loud Christian music
Simonetti, a local real estate businesswoman who runs a house-buying firm
Jfc this article just gets worse and worse
AI slop thumbnail though
Is that why they're not in real girl scout uniforms? And those boxes make no sense. Oy.
She's perfect for US Senate except for being about 50 years too young.
And yet 17 years too old for Trump to molest.
load more comments
(1 replies)
Showed the headline to a friend and asked him what he thought she did for a living.
'Realtor' was his first guess.
She's even worse than that, she's a professional parasite. She runs a "home buying firm," which means she routinely fucks people out of an average of $50,000 per transaction. To accomplish this, she uses media (TV, billboards, print, social) to convince homeowners of a lie (they will make the same if not more money using homebuyer services than using the conventional real estate process) by telling them a truth (the transaction will be fast and they will have money in their hands in just a few days).
It's an amazing feat of leveraging human desire to absolutely fuck the dogshit out of them: they willingly believe the lie because they want the money in their hands quickly and in so doing, they get fucked out of five figures.
Ohhh is that what those "we buy homes" signs are all about?
Tarantulas aren't cheap pets. That's definitely sending a message.
They're also incredibly delicate animals :(
For the curious, falling more than a few inches is often fatal due to a burst abdomen.
load more comments
(6 replies)
view more: next ›