this post was submitted on 11 Oct 2026
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Trans Memes

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239
Chaser behavior (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 5 days ago by TotallynotJessica@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/transmemes@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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by Haus of Decline

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[–] EggInDisguise@lemmy.blahaj.zone 92 points 5 days ago (5 children)

Got hit on by a guy at work the other day

Then he up asked "so are you gonna get it cut off? I don't think you should, you probably look better with it"

🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

I dropped the food I was making, walked back to the offices, and told the supervisor she needs to go out there before someone needs an ambulance.

The super kicked him and his friends out, no refund, go argue with customer support.

It sucks dealing with the bigoted and phobic customers, being in a Bible thumping red state, but I'd rather deal with them than someone like that.

[–] yakko@feddit.uk 48 points 5 days ago

Appreciate having coworkers who stand up for you, it's a world of difference.

[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 25 points 5 days ago (1 children)

What the absolute fuck?!

I came into the comments kinda wondering if the meme was all joke or not, but damn!

Why the fuck would anyone think that's even okay, much less think it's going to work as a pickup line?

I am so fucking sorry you had to deal with that. That anyone would, obviously, but that's just so many layers of fucked up! Just glad your supervisor handled shit.

[–] EggInDisguise@lemmy.blahaj.zone 12 points 5 days ago (2 children)

I genuinely have no idea why anyone would think a "I'm not interested in men" would have allowed for further flirting, but it's downright insane to think the rest would have somehow made me change my mind. Batshit insane behavior. Fortunately my only runin with an obvious chaser. Usually any kind of flirtatious behavior stops the moment I speak. Voice training is... Difficult.

It's not a meme, it actually happens, but usually it's less obvious/direct. The OP example is something you'd expect to see on social media pages for people who are public figures in some way. Whether that's social media influencer, popular streamer, or what have you.

It's about 50/50 on whether a supervisor would do anything other than shrug and say "that sucks" but I'm glad I have the two supportive management team I do have, and a couple coworkers that I deal with most on my shift are great

Unfortunately not every manager even bothers to "remember" to correctly gender me, and some of the 1st shift employees give me looks every time they see me, and most of 3rd shift refuses to even speak to me.

[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 4 points 5 days ago

People really can suck :(

I wish we could all just do better. And that the really asshole ones like you ran into could do a lot better

[–] Malica@lemmy.zip 2 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I'm so sorry you have to deal with that :(

[–] EggInDisguise@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 4 days ago

Given the country (and state) I live in, I honestly expect worse treatment most of the time.

[–] gandalf_der_13te@feddit.org 12 points 5 days ago (2 children)

so are you gonna get it cut off? I don’t think you should, you probably look better with it”

what kind of statement is that?? they don't even see these parts anyway. what's going on in their mind?

[–] Malica@lemmy.zip 7 points 5 days ago

The red states watch the most trans porn, that's what's going on in their minds.

[–] EggInDisguise@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 5 days ago

I guess they thought me not being interested in men was somehow related to my own genitalia? Idk, statements dreamt up by the utterly insane.

[–] Malica@lemmy.zip 5 points 5 days ago (1 children)

OMG people talk that way to others in public!? I would not survive a customer facing job. Jesus fucking Christ, raised in a barn.

[–] EggInDisguise@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Just today, people at work have misgendered me 14 times, twice very obviously trying to make it known they were doing it on purpose, one woman made a disgusted face and went "hmmph" and decided not to wash her hands because she would have had to stand next to me in the bathroom, one guy called my coworker a "dumb bitch" because she refused to sell him beer without a valid license, one coworker had to hide in the back because a guy who is creepy toward her but not enough that management will tell him not to come back, and I lost count of how many people did a double-take when they heard me speak.

[–] Malica@lemmy.zip 2 points 4 days ago

Jfc how do you live with that kind of stress? My son is trans, but I feel like it's easier for him to blend in, so to speak. He still faces discrimination, but not like this. I couldn't even imagine. I just want to lock him up in here and never let him out to the bad people :( thank you for sharing your experience, I think it'll help create more allies.

[–] psycholocomotor_no2@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 5 days ago (5 children)

Don't give me political power, because I would use it to terrorize and commit a mass murder of those types of cis men.

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[–] winkly@lemmy.world 31 points 5 days ago (1 children)

But, don’t antlers naturally fall off?

I know that’s not the point but maybe there’s a better metaphor

[–] Enkrod@feddit.org 15 points 5 days ago

Yes they do. And regrow every year. You can get rid of the pedicles to stop them from regrowing though.

[–] deadalus@discuss.tchncs.de 20 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (6 children)

I've only learned about the existence of chasers recently, so I'd just have some questions so I understand it right

1: So the problem with chasers is, that they specifically want trans people before they get bottom surgery, and therefore don't support a person's full transition, but want them to stay in a state kinda in-between. Do I understand that right?

2: Why don't chasers just look for non-binary people that have the attributes they're interested in?

[–] hayvan@piefed.world 39 points 5 days ago (2 children)

AFAIK different chasers look for different types, not necessarily all for same thing. The problem with chasers is that the type they chase is a fetish object. They don't look for a person to make connection, they want an object with precise physical qualities they are looking for.

[–] Malica@lemmy.zip 6 points 5 days ago

Yeah it's like race fetish people, gross

[–] gandalf_der_13te@feddit.org 5 points 5 days ago (1 children)

what if the other person has an objectification kink though?

[–] Cris_Citrus@piefed.zip 27 points 5 days ago (1 children)

People with an objectification kink generally like being objectified within consentual contexts, with people they feel respected by as whole human beings outside of those interactions

I have an objectification kink, but I still want partners who see me as a whole human and treat me with respect. And who I can then invite to objectify me, because I enjoy it, and enjoy someone enjoying me in that way 🤷🏻‍♂️

[–] Grail@multiverse.soulism.net 5 points 5 days ago

My partner fully identifies as an object and wants to be objectified at all times. But also treated with kindness. And if that seems like a contradiction to you, then I must add that it thanks its toaster.

[–] apotheotic@beehaw.org 14 points 5 days ago

The problem with chasers is that they are not seeing trans women as women / trans men as men / etc. They are seeing them as a separate, fetish-fulfilling, object of desire. It is dehumanising and invalidating of their gender

Bearing in mind as well that many trans people have absolutely no intention of getting any surgery and are perfectly happy with their existing genitalia, so, many trans folk are not "pre-op" - they cannot be "pre" something they never plan to do

As far as your second question, nonbinary folks might not be feminine enough / masculine enough to fit the chaser's model of attraction, but dont you worry, plenty of chasers do fetishise and invalidate the genders of nonbinary folks! They'll subconsciously reduce them to being their AGAB or the opposite gender, and once again make them an object of fetish rather than a person.

[–] erin@piefed.blahaj.zone 9 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

The problem is not a specific set of traits they are looking for, but a fetishization of trans people. As per the analogy in the comic, they care more about a physical presentation or a sexualized concept than their actual desires. Objectification can be desired, but it shouldn't be the starting point or the default. For example, my girlfriend treats me like a sex object, but it's only after we've communicated our boundaries and desires. At any point, I can use a safe word and call an end to that. Chasers aren't interested in a mutual and respectful relationship, they see their porn fantasies embodied in a person.

[–] WeLoveCastingSpellz@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 5 days ago (2 children)

Problem is uninvited fetishization there is also lotsa trans people who like the respectful ones fyi

[–] Cass@piefed.blahaj.zone 7 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Respectful chaser feels like an oxymoron, not seeing trans people as actual people is part of my definition

[–] WeLoveCastingSpellz@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

I think not seeing trans people as people is not requirement to be a chaser. I am a translesbian myself and I have seen straight trans people talk that they are okay with them and junk.you at entitled to your opinion and I agree with you on a personal level but I am not gonna rain on anyone's parade

[–] deadalus@discuss.tchncs.de 4 points 5 days ago (2 children)

But doesn't a chaser stand between a trans person and a full transition?

(Or is it even the goal of most trans people to get bottom surgery? I don't know too many trans people personally, so I'd love some input here)

[–] Filetternavn@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 points 5 days ago (1 children)

NOTE: I have provided numbers for trans women, buy I do not have numbers on trans men or trans nonbinary folks. There is likely to be deviation in those groups from the data I have provided.

Estimates from the US provide that only as much as 50% of trans women want to get any type of gender-affirming surgery, let alone bottom surgery, which is the hardest to recover from, the most difficult to get, and generally among the most expensive procedures available. Current estimates also provide that about of 11% of trans women in the US will be able to get bottom surgery in their lifetime. Keep in mind that in the US, 35% of trans women do not have health insurance, making it practically impossible for most of that 35% to even get it. Of the remaining 65%, there is still significant costs to get surgery, including not only the payments to insurance, but also travel and accommodation expenses (as you'll need to remain near the hospital u get it done at for around 30 days post-op). Many of us will never have the means to get it, even those of us who want to, especially with how disproportionately poverty affects trans people.

Me, personally? I'm going to get it. I don't care what else I have to give up, I will either get the surgery, or die trying. My girlfriend is the same way. But again, only ~50% of trans women even seriously want to get bottom surgery, and that's on the larger side of the estimates.

Trans women should have agency over their bodies. We, and no one else, should have the ability to make those decisions for us. There are many trans women not interested in surgery, and that's completely fine. Surgery doesn't make a trans woman any more or less valid, or any more or less of a woman. Every trans woman is a woman, regardless of how they choose to transition. Some of us don't even want to take HRT. The idea of a "full transition" is ignorant, and transmedicalist. However a trans person wants to transition is their own business, and it's certainly not up to cis people to decide what we should do.

That being said—for the same reason of bodily autonomy that makes your description of it problematic—someone who attempts to inhibit a trans person's ability to transition in the way they want is obviously in the wrong as well. It is no one's choice but our own how we transition.

[–] Malica@lemmy.zip 2 points 5 days ago

Certainly not something you bring up to strangers just trying to do their jobs.

[–] WeLoveCastingSpellz@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 5 days ago

Not every trans woman wants bottom surgery and that is not s requirement to be a chaser

[–] isleepinahammock@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 5 days ago

It's not even about specifically wanting bottom surgery. It's more fundamental than that. You want a partner that will love you independent of your trans status. (I want to say, "in spite of your trans status" here, but that feels too negative a connotation.) But a chaser is interested in you BECAUSE you are trans. That could be a sexual fetish, or it could be someone that's maybe looking to live vicariously through you (a lot of chasers are reppers.) But the term "chaser" is literally that - a type of person that chases after trans people specifically.

[–] PinkiePieYay2707@pawb.social 5 points 5 days ago

I don't know enough about the topic, so this comment will be a blind leading blind. Please don't hesitate to correct me.

My understanding is that chasers would likely not be okay with bottom surgery and they would be acting more as if that person was their assigned at birth gender, but it's also not the point. The point is that they are fetishizing trans people. It is understandable that some people have a preference, however in the case of chasers it is a division between cis and trans. In other words, they don't see trans people as just people, but rather as trans in the sense that it is something separate from normalcy. Or more simply: they see trans men and women as separate from men and women.

Why don't they look for non-binary people? Some probably do, and I wouldn't hesitate to also call these kinds of people chasers. In my mind that is still fetishizing a specific group of people, though the reasoning is probably different.

[–] OliveBrittle@piefed.ca 14 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I sometimes go to chat sites, and it's annoying because you have a conversation with someone, it goes well, and then they suddenly think that it's okay to talk about your genitals, and they always assume it's you're pre-surgery ones.

I honestly wouldn't even mind that much if you were open about what you wanted and asked, I can at least then say I'm personally not comfortable with that since it's generally dysphoric for me, but no, it's always throw it in the middle of an otherwise respectful chat, and assume things all without asking.

Be honest and respectful about what you want and you'll be able to get it eventually. It's literally that simple, but no, we all have to be an ends to a means for their futa fetish or smth.

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[–] AI_toothbrush@lemmy.zip 9 points 5 days ago (2 children)

Im not defending chasers but for some people it is hard. Like if someones gay and their partner transitions thats a really hard thing to deal with. I think dicks are hot while not liking manly men but of course i dont have a say in a partners decision on whether they want one or not. I think the problem is when someone bases the relationship arround a fetishized part of the body and that is something the partner doesnt like about themselves. Also i think the opposite is also very common, someone not wanting to transition in a way that society demands. Thats why genderfluid and non operational trans people have it so hard. But please expand on it, i have trans family members, friends and dated some but i have no way seeing even a fraction of what yall experience as a pretty priviledged cis man.

[–] WalrusDragonOnABike@reddthat.com 12 points 5 days ago (1 children)

People are allowed to have preferences. It's probably fine to state such a preference as long as it's followed by "but it's your body and you gotta do what's best for you". If that's a dealbreaker, you can let that be known in a polite way imo. But it shouldn't be used as a threat to try to push someone not to do it.

That said, my limited experience with a chaser was one showing up at my work when I was alone (and making a weird point about it ), used their job position and my job position to get me to give them my number, proceeded to complain about trans people caring about pronouns while calling us beautiful, brought up sexual harassment he has experienced on-the-job by someone who is trans, used my number to try to invite himself to visit again, and then showed up again next time I was alone at work and forgot to lock the door and leave the lights off months later to try to "flirt" with me again and mentioned I haven't been around in months (at least this time he seemed less creepy by asking if I was into guys and seemed to drop it when I said no). But from what I've heard from others, this seems pretty normal from chaser.

[–] AI_toothbrush@lemmy.zip 7 points 5 days ago (2 children)

I mean yeah but then apparently all chasers are just committing sexual harrasment. Why are we giving them a name that suggests theyre just weird when theyre just straight up sexual predators. It seems to me we have to drop the term "chaser" and use the correct terminology of predators. I think this is what makes it confusing for people from non english speaking areas like me. Also i completely agree with the preferences part, everyone has them and theres a way of not being an asshole about them.

[–] isleepinahammock@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 4 days ago

There is a difference between someone who wants you in spite or regardless of you being trans, and one that wants you because you are trans. If the latter, then they are a chaser. Regardless of what kind of harassment they do, if you're chasing after trans people specifically because they are trans, then you're a chaser.

[–] WalrusDragonOnABike@reddthat.com 4 points 5 days ago (1 children)

There are degrees to it. This person would be a chaser even if they stopped at insulting trans people and weren't targeting me being alone at work. They just also frequently commit sexual harassment because they have no respect for trans people, but it's not a requirement for being a chaser.

[–] AI_toothbrush@lemmy.zip 2 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I guess its a word for someone who doesnt respect trans people but is attracted to them, which is like an insane thing but the same happens to anyone whos not white too(in the west)

[–] N0tTr0xy@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

They are attracted, disrespectful and ashamed. That’s why they showed up when nobody else was around, that’s not just to have free reign with harassment. They’d be fine to have sex with somebody they don’t wanna be seen with in public, which is a pretty weird combo.

[–] psycholocomotor_no2@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 5 days ago (1 children)

My last relationship like 2 and a half years ago was with a pansexual demi-girl who supported me transitioning but would like complement how it was hot that my hands were bigger than hers, and other stuff I won't mention. She gave me insecurities that I still think about, like the hands, and wince whenever I remember the sex.

For a few reasons I have like the opposite and experience like actual fear whenever I imagine what sex would be like with a pre-op trans woman. I know people talk about how awesome T4T is, but it fills me with dread. Like you're not even safe with other trans people, they still fetishize you.

[–] AI_toothbrush@lemmy.zip 4 points 5 days ago

I mean thats interesting cause we know how cis people love to impose random insane beauty standards on eachother but i guess the same is true for and between trans people at least in some capacity

[–] john_tech@lemmy.zip 10 points 5 days ago (2 children)

Oh yea right, does (that's the plural of doe, right?) don't have antlers. I forget that sometimes. But does that mean most, if not all, deer girls ever drawn are trans since they have antlers?

[–] AlsaValderaan@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 points 5 days ago

~~doesn't have antlers~~

runs off laughing

[–] NightFantom@slrpnk.net 4 points 5 days ago

I thought it was depending on the species. Like iirc Santa's reindeer are all female as the males shed their antlers in the winter, and the females keep theirs.

But I think you're right for regular deer indeed, antlers are male only.

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