Microblog Memes

“Nut out” isn’t a saying here though. “Nut it out” is.

Fuck me dead I was just trying to nut out.

I feel like I could be Aussie. Especially if I get to call people a cheeky cunt with no repercussions.

Fuck your dad?

“Oh, you don’t wanna go to Bugarup,” said Remorse. “Nothing in Bugarup but a bunch of wowsers and pooftahs.” “’s okay, I like parrots,” mumbled Rincewind, who was just hoping that they would let him go so that he could hold on to the ground again. “Er…what’s Ecksian for going mad with terrified fatigue and collapsing in a boneless heap?” The men looked at one another. “Isn’t that ‘snagged as a wombat’s tonker’?” “No, no, no, that’s when you chuck a twister, isn’t it?” said Clancy. “What? Strewth, no. Chucking a twister’s when…when you…yeah, it’s when you…yeah, it’s when your nose…Hang on, that’s ‘bend a smartie’…” “Er—” said Rincewind, clutching his head. “What? ‘Bend a smartie’ is when your ears get blocked underwater.” Clancy looked uncertain, and then seemed to reach a decision. “Yeah, that’s right!” “Nah, that’s ‘gonging like a possum’s armpit,’ mate.” “Excuse me—” said Rincewind. “That ain’t right. ‘Gonging like a possum’s armpit’ is when you crack a crusty. When your ears are stuffed like a Mudjee’s kettle after a week of Fridays, that’s ‘stuck up like Morgan’s mule.’” “No, you’re referrin’ to ‘happier than Morgan’s mule in a choccy patch’—” “You mean ‘as fast as Morgan’s mule after it ate Ma’s crow pie.’” “How fast was that? Exactly?” said Rincewind. They all stared at him. “Faster’n a eel in a snake pit, mate!” said Clancy. “Don’t you understand plain language?”

I've had strange looks when I say "crack the shits" or just "crack it". Take it for granted that everyone uses these terms.

Not sure if it needs to be pointed out.. to "nut it out" doesn't mean what Americans think it means. It means to use your head to come up with a solution. The nut is your head.

Happens the other way too. Used to work in IT with Australians and it was hard for them to stifle giggles whenever I was talking about routing packets or routers.

For them, "rooting" means fucking

You can just make them up

“You can’t fling a dick in a pond without lunging a tugworm”

“Flock me a dozen cranberries and I’ll show you a real bandana”

“Eatin’s alright for the kanga, it’s the Joey’s that’ll cunt up your goomers”.

They’re all shit but you get me

I had a friend from Aus, she was doing nanny work. The first time she went to a baseball game and the baseball song came to "let's root root root for the home team". Apparently, root means to fuck.

"Not here to fuck spiders" is a classic for this

In New Zealand, a "dag" is someone who has a good sense of humour and is fun (unlike in Australia where it has cringy connotations)

Explaining to a Yank that calling someone a shitty piece of wool, stuck to a sheep's arse is a compliment takes some convincing

And then there's "cunt"...

"fuck me dead" wouldn't even get a reaction from me. I'm used to off the wall phrases, and as long as I can figure out contextually what is being said, I'll roll with it.

Imagine your main exposure to Australian lingo is from the kids show Bluey and at and some point mum goes "fuck me dead."

"We didnt come here to fuck spiders"

#what

And then there’s also “I’m not here to fuck spiders”

Let's fuck this puppy

It means leave.

I get the double whammy of working with almost entirely ESL speakers in English. So not are they almost unaware of common idioms outside what they’ve picked up from American media, they’re even less aware of Kiwi/Aussie slang. I have to be super careful.

I haven't fully accepted the American use of 'to nut' to mean 'to cum', I mean nut already means head and teste, in England to get nutted means to get headbutted