36 years is long enough to have started something to try and fix the foundations though. Like some kind of ground stabilising cementitious grout injection.
Maybe try that with your life?
this post was submitted on 28 Jun 2026
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me_irl
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So bury your parents in cement
He accidentally made an argument for not blaming your parents since you'd move out of the building rather than continue moving to various floors in it.
Yeah, at a certain point, you can continue to blame them, but the responsibility to fix it ultimately falls on you regardless. Go ahead and blame them, but don’t use it as an excuse to not work on yourself and improve.
Like most difficulties in life, be it trauma, neurodivergance, or any number of other issues; they're explanations, not excuses.
Much like mental illness. Your depression doesn't stop you from working out or going for a walk, but it might make it really really hard to start. You can use that as an excuse and never start or you can acknowledge this is why you never want to start. You just have to do it, or rely on someone to get you to do it like a good friend or partner.
If you let depression stop you from walking you'll never walk and get the benefits from it which could help you beat or mitigate depression. Maybe after 2 years of daily walks you won't be depression free, but its almost guaranteed you'll be doing better.
Wow thanks I’m cured.
Or you can just die which depression sometimes leads to -- like it's a disease. How come some people survive cancer and some don't? The disease is different for each person. Same with depression.
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Blame is a mechanism specifically designed to absolve oneself of responsibility. "Hey, I just wanted to let everyone know this fucked up thing I do is because my mom didn't tie my shoelaces properly.". The people affected by your actions don't need to know why you do this fucked up thing, they just want you to stop doing it to them.
It can be, and is often used that way, but it doesn't have to be.
And, generally, knowing the root causes of problems helps in best figuring out how to fix them.
My therapist mentioned its 80% awareness, 20% adding effective skills. But it can take a long ass time to rewire the engrained habits with new neuropathways habitually remembering and applying effective skills
There are some things that can't be fixed. Being physically impacted by a decision your parent made can't just be undone, depending on what it is. It could be intentional or it could be an accident, but it's still permanent.
Yeah basically all my problems were my dad's fault, but fixing them was my responsibility. The blame is fine for diagnosing the issue, but it's not a solution.
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You can't really move out though. The metaphor is that your parents construct the lower floors of your building based on how they raised you. In real life, you can't un-raise yourself or rewrite history, so moving out and into a new building with better foundations isn't an option. Best you can do is get some outside help to throw in some external supports for those shaky lower floors.
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If each floor of the building is a year in your life, what does moving out mean in this metaphor?
Self termination
Therapy? Self-Realization? Ego Death?
Adoption?
Moving out? In this economy???
So you don't understand metaphor?
Go on then - "move out" and build a new society... Whilst you're at it, stop aging or "moving up floors".
Fucking how are people so munted they don't understand metaphor?
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Honestly, this is very validating to hear since I'm about to cut contact with my mother and elder siblings.
Thats a hard decision to make, congrats on having the courage to take that step in your life.
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I read a book about cutting ties to toxic people. I wrote a list and included my parents. Absolute night and day on my mental health and my professional health.
I didn't "cut them" like full on ghosting. But keeping my distance and chatting with them once a year.
I'm rooting for your success.
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Exactly. If you're 12 and you can't legally be employed and independent, you can very much blame your parents for a lot of your circumstances. As you age this gets less relevant. I have a couple friends in their 30s whom live at home and never really had jobs or finished school. A lot of them still blame their upbringing which could have put them on this path, but at this point the path they continue to walk is their responsibility. Its gonna be hard, its gonna suck sometimes, you're gonna have to take risks and things might get worse before they get better, but taking your own responsibility for it is often your best course of action.
Sometimes being able to blame yourself for certain things is good, it can help you grow and learn. If your parents have failed you for 30 years, why are you still banking on them as part of your plan? Not to say you have to abandon them full stop, they may still be worth keeping in your life but you have to start directing your own life and taking your own responsibility for it.
Maybe your parents didn't care enough about school when you were a kid, as an adult its time to take that into your own hands, many places offer free high school equivalence programs to catch up and often help get you employed afterwards. It might be a shitty job, but its not their fault you waited til 30 to start and now have no relevant skills or experience to advertise. Work that shitty job for a few months and at least it becomes a point on your resume for the next job. It can let you develop universal skills like time management and meal planning which can better prepare you for future positions.
I can't blame you if you didn't get a head start, but i can blame you if you don't even participate in the game.
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It's from this special which is on YouTube.
Edit: it's an amazing special. Hilarious throughout.
Well, at 36 i was still begining to understand how they fucked me up lol, still working on getting over it lmao
Half of my problems stems from my parents, the other half from all the bullying and a system that lets it perpetuate. I'm so fucked up in the head because of all that and I'm still trying to come to grips with it. Cannot afford therapy so it's a lone task.
Honestly, this. My current work place does a lot to be supportive, but after so many years of abuse and misunderstanding from crappy authority figures it's really hard to trust that they'll have my back.
That’s sure one way to sit in a chair lol
Next thing you know you're noticing his elbows!
I mean by this logic, they can blame the parents for teaching them to sit like that?
How do you dare to tell me that I'm my father's son
When that was just an accident of birth
I'd rather look around me, compose a better song
'Cause that's the honest measure of my worth
You can stop blaming them if they are dead or no-contact, sure
Their choices still leave last effects, not just on you, but on society. I mean boomers tend to vote a certain way. Generational issues tend to cause the "bad foundation".
I'm not arguing with that
But you need sort your brain until development is thru, 39 years old.
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