Mental Health

Yup. I’m from a place where people are comparatively very aware of others’ personal space. For example we tend to cede right of way to oncoming people walking through or wait for someone stationary to finish their business for narrow pedestrian spaces (like a grocery store aisle with a column or display in the middle creating a choke point) instead of both people pulling their elbows in/turning sideways and passing each other at the narrow point. If we’re the stationary person (like if we’re looking at the other side of the aisle at exactly the narrow spot), we tend to stay aware of whether anyone is waiting for us, then either step to the side or visibly attempt to make room and gesture invitingly. If we’re with someone else, we don’t verbalize any part of this unless our companion is younger than school age, as it’s considered rude.

I live in a place where people are more comfortable being very close to one another and will try to pass by, to the point of making full body contact if necessary (I’m not sure how much of this is normal and how much is people trying to cop a feel- it happens sometimes with much older people of all genders, and sometimes with young men, but rarely with young women, so I’m inclined to believe that it’s a somewhat recent cultural shift, and there are some creeps, but it could also just be that women are less assertive about getting where they’re going and I’m just viewing it through a negative lens because holy shit a stranger is touching my whole body).

It causes stress while shopping in grocery stores or walking on a busy sidewalk with my native husband, because I often without thinking silently pull him to the side to wait for a sign that’s never coming from a fellow pedestrian that they’ll allow us to pass. He doesn’t know what we’re waiting for and the other person is completely oblivious.

Worse, when he and I are (in my eyes) blocking someone while we’re in the middle of looking at something, I’ll try to wordlessly maneuver us to a totally different area because someone’s approaching. He’s then totally confused, and the other person probably thinks we’re being sketchy or overly suspicious.

I’m really trying to culturally integrate (and I’d like to perceive fewer incursions into my personal space, because I find it really jarring and over time it just grates on me), but it’s hardwired into me that I need to be unobtrusive to others. Ironically, the same drive that makes me want to integrate, makes it difficult for me to do so.

same, but I could never explain it too well. thank you for putting it into such simple terms.

Well SORRY you didn't come with a manual!!

Yeah, same about anxiety and burnout, those are mild at worst. The hyper independence sucks though, now that I'm not actually alone. My kid is pretty codependent (maybe to the opposite extreme) and I find it like of hard to be understanding all the time. You could put me on a solo mission to Saturn and I'd be right as rain (or at least, same amount wrong with me as usual), how did I have a kid who gets nervous when nobody else is in the same room?