Ask Lemmy

I was raised Mormon.

I remember chilling in the computer lab at university when I came across someone's Jehova's Witness deconversion story online. It was so eerily similar to my experience that I couldn't stop thinking about it. Because it wasn't my religion, I was able to see it the way an outsider might see my own.

It broke something inside me irreparably. Faith became a dirty word. All conservative values instantly vanished. I guess this conflict had been beneath the surface for some time but finding that story lit a match.

I mean what kind of religion needs to brainwash its members not to seek out material critical of itself? What kind of religion puts you in a room, alone, as a teenager, with a 50-year-old man who is asking you about your sexual habits? What kind of religion has billions of dollars in real estate investments? What kind of religion requires you to ring people's doorbells and pester them about your religion? What kind of religion asks you to (despite how they phrase it) hate gay people?

I stopped having anything to do with the church after that. When it comes to integrity, I can't pretend. I was able to hold my ground against all the creepy shit that happens when you leave a cult. And now, 20+ years later, I rarely even think about it.

Went to Afghanistan. Saw mutilated kids, kids with no legs from landmines, burned alive, dead ones. No God is watching over anyone. We are all there is.

In the words of Bob:

"Most people think great God will come from the sky Take away ev'rything, and make ev'rybody feel high But if you know what life is worth You would look for yours on earth And now you see the light You stand up for your right"

Everyday, stand up for your right to live in a peaceful world, or be stood upon.

What made me do it was the unending stream of contradictions in the bible internally, between the Bible and reality, and between the Bible and what people say is in the bible in order to fix the other two.

It's the old "nobody could show me why I should believe any of it", including me. And the more I looked for answers, the more problems and contradictions I found.

I have plenty of contact with my family, my parents are both great people and it helps a lot that they're not so much religious as that they think "its important". My more extended family has made a few tries, I occasionally get into discussions with a few aunts, uncles and cousins, but they're not exactly good at it. It's just looping around the same old terrible arguments that quickly end when I ask them to show that it was Jahweh who created the universe, and not Bob.

The church made the biggest effort to get me back, but they have a financial incentive, unlike everyone else. It was an incredible pain in the ass to get removed from church rolls before GDPR.

For me it was the fundamental contradiction between God being both good & all powerful. If (S)he created everybody exactly the way they are, how are they to condemn anyone to hell? Some people are born incapable of communicating or understanding anything, some people are born with their wires crossed and are just evil, some are born in a time/place where they never hear "the good news". Why would a good and loving God condemn them forever for being exactly what (S)he designed them to be?

The Christian Bible I grew up with was rife with examples of people God created and designed specifically to be antagonists so they could be punished: Cain, Pharoah, Ahab & Jezebel, Judas Iscariot, Ananias & Sapphira, The Beast & Antichrist, etc.

It's very interesting honestly. I swapped from Catholic to evangelicalism at 14 (just me not my family, tho they supported it) and stuck with it till I was 20. It was super about it. Youth group 2 days a week plus 3 hour mass on Sundays, God was ALWAYS on my mind, every decision, every action, every goal. Then my friends went to college, and I didn't, I stuck around now forced to interact with the older crowd. They weren't just hypocrites, they were cruel and controlling and pointlessly manipulative. It became clear that the church I was at wasn't the place It was for me for years so one day I decided to just stop showing.

It was the first addiction I ever quit. The anxiety I felt was.... Immense. It took two weeks for me to start thinking clearly about it, and it was wild how easily I recognized I was literally brainwashed. I no longer needed the mental gymnastics to justify myself.

My life didn't improve or anything after that, and funnily enough I only ever saw one of my, off to college, friends again, many years later. He did try and get me back in but I was way past that stiff by that point. Surreal experience in hindsight

Sudden realization it was all bullshit and I'd rather sleep in on Sundays. I was 7 or 8.

I used to be super religious. I even studied to be a priest. Married a super religious lady. Then like five guys I went to seminary were in jail for pedos. Last one hit too close. It devastated my faith. Then my wife cheated on me. We had a lot of catholic friends. When she got pregnant they threw a party for her and turned their back on me. That was enough of that. I’m now an Atheist. Christianity is a cult. Not just one denomination. All are cults. Fuck that.

People have been vocal about me being an atheist. My health is not well. Talked to my mom about death. Pretty much she told me she would give me a catholic funeral even if I don’t want it.

One thing I can tell you. Women all are looking for that good Christian man. So I’ve been single since the. I had a fling with someone after the divorce but I think that was a mistake.

Still not over my piece of shit wife. Catholic friends refer to her as my wife. Not my ex. Married for ever thing.

Honestly I miss going to church and involved with everything. But never going back to that. Amen

Raised protestant Christian. What made me leave the religion: 1. debating a militant atheist who asked questions I couldn't answer 2. textual criticism and apologetics classes I took during my biblical studies course 3. intellectual curiosity. that sounds conceited but you do have to have some form of it to question everything you have been taught up until then.

what happened next is not very exciting. I worked up the courage to tell my mom and the church, stopped attending church services, and had a second puberty of sorts (many such cases!). I'm on good terms with everyone in my family, they respect my position and I respect theirs. No coercion of any kind.

I'd call myself agnostic today. I don't 100% with absolute certainty rule out the possibility that there might be a higher power after all, but I live my daily life as if there isn't any.

I was already really good at not believing in literally every other religion around the world, so I asked myself what made the religion that I was raised in any different?

How did I know I was lucky enough to be born into the right faith? If I had been born elsewhere, wouldn't I just feel the same way about whatever religion is worshipped there? And so is that the infidel's fault that they were just born in the wrong place, with no one to tell them that they had it wrong? Or perhaps would they think the same about me?

And so if our religion truly was the right one, why didn't our supposedly omnipotent deity just make everyone else born into societies that worship it, or render infertile anyone who didn't? Or if someone else's religion was the right one, with a similarly omnipotent deity (or deities), why was I born here?

I was baptized as a protestant Christian and also hat my confirmation when I was young, but I have been an atheist for long time.
I left as soon as I started to work, as I needed to pay more than 500€ church taxes per year. After I left, I didn't have to pay that amount anymore, that's about it.

Pastor's son. Almost became a pastor, too. "Led my first person to Jesus" door-to-door around 7 years old. It was an adult man, I walked him through the "Romans Road" and the prayer for salvation.

It took mushrooms kicking my ass in Amsterdam to finally shake it all.

I was 10 (IIRC) when I though:

• God knows the future.
• Therefore God knows that Adam and Eve would eat the forbidden fruit.
• Therefore God is either a liar and doesn't see the future or a bastard that knew exactly what would they do and wanted to punish them.
• In either case, why worship it?

And the next step was understanding that it was a fictional character.

Raised catholic, did religious ed, catholic high school, made to go to church every week and on holy days of obligation. Then I went off to college, and dutifully got up the first sunday and went to church. While I was mumbling along with the Nicene creed, I thought, “But I don’t believe this stuff; in fact, I disagree with most of it.” I left quietly before the creed was over, and never voluntarily went back. I guess realizing I'm an atheist helped. 😄

I actually read The Bible when i was a kid. That is what got me off of religion. That book is all kinds of fucked up, if you actually read it.

The more I travelled as an adult and reflected on what I'd learned about Jesus, the more i began to believe he was actually Buddhist.

Now, I believe the person we call "Jesus" was actually Caesarion...the son of Julius Caesar and Cleopatra.

It was a fucking struggle to leave, let me tell you.

I suddenly suffered from a crippling disease (made worse because I was 10 and generally healthy before that, so it was mind boggling at the time), and no one in the church gave a hoot. You'd think a community of people who believed in a loving god would care that such a god would randomly punish a kid... so when everyone just told me to accept it I understandably grew pissed. That then blossomed into asking questions about others with diseases, famine, war, death, bla bla bla, and every answer was just stupid.

Buuut, I was in a super religious family, and went to a religious school, and was a part of a very community focused church, so it took until I left at the age of majority to really leave religion behind. I argued with every single dumb christian I could find for my teenage years, because I wanted to find someone who actually had a good argument. Humorously enough, the best argument ever made to me was by someone who didn't even care about christianity except that he 'was' one by dint of other people being christians: maybe it was necessary for god to send people to hell and have a shitty life... except obviously that's a shitty god that I wouldn't care to worship, so finally in college I said good-fucking-bye to the entire mindset.

As for what happened, while I was still under the parents' control and the school's control, I was labeled as a troublemaker and generally ostracized. My mother would wail (reasonably) about the situation, but stopped making me go to church as I entered high school. The extended family that still cared about religion just chalked it up to attention seeking and ignored it, which was fine by both parties.

Raised nondenominational Christian. Started having questions and exploring other belief systems in high school. Parents always made me attend church, initially with them and then said I just had to go "somewhere" once I got my own car.

The pastor at my aunt and uncle's church discussed some Christian guy who did his Master's thesis on the deck of cards (face cards) and something something something the queen represents the mother of harlots, don't yolk yourselves with sinners, etc. Made no sense, never went back. I was in my early 20s. Around this time, I was strongly considering various Eastern religions, specifically Islam and Buddhism, but couldn't get a foothold in either.

Fast forward to about 5 years ago (mid 30s) and I had a client who was extremely Atheist and made several good points against God that made a lot of sense. Started looking further into Buddhism and found the Secular Buddhism podcast. There's an episode where he basically says God is real if you believe in him but that doesn't affect reality. Decided right then that I was done. Been a Buddhist atheist ever since.

Raised Catholic, as in Catholic schools all the way through high school. In high school I started learning about other religions, especially ancient ones, and Christianity started looking like just another example of mythology. The central belief that Jesus "died for our sins" is based on the ancient idea of using sacrifices to gain favor with the gods. The "holy trinity" aspect was what really boggled my mind. God sends his Son (i.e. himself) to Earth and lets the Romans execute him, thereby sacrificing himself - to himself - to persuade himself to forgive humans for Original Sin - which we didn't even commit, it supposedly happened in the Garden of Even, long before we were born.

Somehow a Supreme Being intelligent enough to create the whole universe decided a sin committed by an ancestor should bar the human race from eternal salvation. Even as I type this I'm still amazed people can actually believe that nonsense, but to ancient people it did make sense. Back then whole families were often punished for the misdeeds of a family member. This is where we got the concept of disowning somebody - casting them out of the family was a declaration that the family wasn't responsible for that screwup's actions anymore. It was self-defense against getting everybody thrown in prison or exiled to the desert. But I don't think most religious people bother to question their indoctrination or reduce it to essentials. Maybe they're afraid if they think about it too much it means the Devil is trying to steal their soul, I don't know. It just seems childishly silly to me.

I was raised mormon and steadily lost faith in it all through my 20s. I had a bunch of mental dissonance for awhile trying to reconcile the whole love your neighbor stuff with the LDS churches campaigns against gay marriage and disgust towards trans people.

What broke the camels back was ironically a philosophy or religion course at BYU. It tries to teach you how to justify all the religious paradoxes in a way that lets you keep your faith. One of the units explored an idea on if God was worth worshipping. And that question brought it all tumbling down. At the end of the day it didn't matter if God exists because based on the world he wouldn't be worth worshipping anyway.

Most of my family has distanced themselves from Mormonism so generally things have been good. My mom was a bit disappointed but we still get along just fine.

Mine was from Christianity, US evangelical flavour. It happened in stages, but really in the end I just stopped going to religious activities.

What made it happen? A lot of things at each of those aforementioned stages, but the most common theme was other Christians. They just were overwhelmingly awful.

I grew up in the Church, so it was all I knew. Sunday mornings, Sunday nights, Wednesday nights, youth groups (extra brainwashing sessions from a special church leader for kids) once a week, etc. The only thing outside of religious activities was school, and thankfully I was in public school.

I grew up curious and questioning, which the religious leaders did not always appreciate, but because I was serious about understanding things, I was given a lot of early "apologetics", which I understood to be attempts to prove the unprovable, and quickly came to realise that the point was to take things on faith.. don't prove, believe. And for that, I needed a "religious experience".

Evangelical churches are good at manufacturing believable religious experiences, so eventually I had what I believed was one. This was the first thing to go when I "deconstructed", realising that this experience wasn't supernatural, it was manufactured. Once that was gone, the rest was easy to mentally deconstruct and all that was left was the social.

The social took longer, but I was in the US south, so everything revolved around church activities for me and there wasn't a clear alternative. What encouraged me to cut ties though was my sense of justice. I accepted a lot of the "christ" teachings like loving your neighbour and providing for those less fortunate, caring for those who can't care for themselves like the sick, children and those struggling in other ways, and Christians just seemed to only care for those who were close to them, not everyone, and especially didn't care for very specific groups.

This got very clear with the rise of the alt-right political movement in the US and especially when Covid-19 hit.. all these people who claimed to care about their neighbours wouldn't do the bare minimum to help. For the few years before this I was already in a "missionary" mindset: I was attending these religious activities in order to help these Christians be more christ-like. At that point though, I realised it was a lost cause. These people didn't want to be christ-like, they wanted to "win". So when covid came and nothing around me locked down, I locked down myself, stopped attending everything, and moved out of the US entirely as soon as I could. My own parents wouldn't wear a mask, or even spend time outside to spend Christmas with our kids, and were so deep in the far-right rabbit hole that it made it easy to move. So many people revealed they were just hateful shells, their insides rotted away and either I didn't notice or they never were filled to begin with.

It was sad, but I have a much more fulfilling life now. If you are looking for resources or community to kind of get some confirmation that you're not alone, the freedom from religion organisation is pretty good for some things.. but can be a bit too much so I recommend just dipping in for specific things you're thinking about. I found things in that community well after deconstructing and used it to put terms to what I experienced. Like the word deconstructing wasn't a word in my lexicon until well after the fact.

Good luck!

-My pastor got up in the congregation and started asking for more money to support his family. Dude lives in a gigantic house in an expensive area.

-At summer camp my youth pastor put me and my best friend in an “at risk youth group” with other kids who seemed to be “straying”. I took it as an insult.

-my youth pastor was a huge fan of George Bush Jr. I kept pushing that Jesus espouses “left wing” ideas of helping the needy, speaking out against the rich, etc.

-My youth pastor was super flagrant about not giving a shit about school. He was proud somehow that he failed intro Greek, twice.

-My other pastor on my grandmother’s side shunned me because I had long hair. Literally pretended I didn’t exist when he saw me in the Christmas parade for the first time since I grew out my hair.

-The message of the pastor changed as I got older. He was super nice to kids, but as late teenagers he started using tough love to teach us to rebuke worldly sin.

Fuck the lot of them lol. I keep in touch with my shit family simply for the inheritance. That’s the level of anger I have for them and what they did to me as a child. I reduce their relationship with me to money.

I was raised in a lutheran family and had to go to church until I was a teenager.

It was always so boring from the beginning so it never had a hold on me and I remember thinking something along the lines of "If I was god I would be so pissed off that I have to listen to this shit (horrible singing and people sucking ass) every week."

From that day on I made a pact with god that if he exists, I will never bother him cause hes got enough people screaming for his attention like a bunch of toddlers.

So anyway now we catch up for a beer every few months to blow off some steam and he gives me the next weeks lotto numbers as a thank you

Grew up in lots of religions. Settled into Mormonism at 16. Went on a mission. Got married. Raised my kids in the religion. Always had my misgivings and issues. Was always called to teach. Adult Sunday school, children, men, etc. Always taught from both sides and left it open to others to see. Not fully white, so always had that going as well with perspective. When my oldest came out as trans and gay, I could no longer in good conscience continue to support what the church taught so left and never looked back.

I think I was 16. I got to the point where I couldn't convince myself I believed in a magic man in the sky anymore. My mom was upset with my decision but she understood. She since has lost her faith I believe.

Raised in religious schools from an early age until early teens. Decided it wasn’t for me for multiple reasons, though the idea of the surety offered by religion is still something I miss despite the negatives of that same surety.

Nothing happened after I left. I just stopped associating with people that used religion when I could, and simply just nod and “uh huh” with those that have to talk about it. Me disagreeing with them isn’t going to change their mind. Yes, things are fine with the family, they weren’t fanatically religious to begin with. Nobody tried to drag me back.

It did help very much that the biggest part of my sociale life was outside the church. In fact i was slowly drifting away

I was a simple lad. Sleeping in on Sundays was a pretty compelling reason for me to listen to the alternative theological arguments.

I realised i like guys too. That then slowly pushed me out of my quite right wing bubble.

Also critiquing the catholic church and leaving it with all the pedo alligations and how none actually christian they are yk

I grew up Mormon but I didn't agree with the sexism, racism, and homophobia/transphobia that was inherent and/or actively taught in the church.

I was disowned by family, and my entire social network shunned me. There is no teaching in the mormon church to shun like that, but it scratches their cognitive dissonance to be around exmormons so they do it so they can feel good. From their perspective I was just an emissary of Satan so they feel good because they resisted Satan. I ended up being homeless for a bit.

My family tried to get me to come back. They offered to let me come back home if I came back to church. But I never went back home or to the mormon church. Home doesn't have strings attached and I couldn't be part of such a hateful religion.

I read the Bible

I know it's not answering the question of the post, but I'll chime in here because it's related. It's also kind of the opposite experience. My mom grew up Mormon and was excommunicated from the church before I was born for living with my dad "in sin" out of wedlock. That in and of itself is an interesting story, but it led to her really turning her back on the church. My dad was basically already atheist despite a Catholic upbringing. Serving in the Vietnam war made him question all of that. Also a very interesting story, but maybe one for another time.

The result of all of that was that I was raised, more or less, in an passively anti-religious household. My parents taught me that it's okay to be spiritual and believe what I want but that organized religion is poisonous. They encouraged me to think what I want but to be very critical of anyone or any establishment that wanted to tell me what to think. I love my parents and deeply respect them for going their own way and raising me and my siblings the way they did

I was raised catholic and went to a catholic primary school. We went to visit the local church with our school class in preparation for confirmation, I was maybe 7 or 8, dunno, it’s a long time ago. During these visits the priest would explain things about he church, communion, etc.

On one such occasion he showed the altar lamp and explained that the light represented the real presence of christ in the church. If you don’t know what this is, it’s basically an elaborate lamp with a red light inside it.

My nerdy little brain spent the next week trying to figure out how this “christ detector” light worked (mind you, this was way before the internet so I couldn’t exactly google it). I had all kinds of designs worked out, like there being a hidden button and the priest asking christ in prayer to please keep the button pressed, things like that.

The next week’s visit we were a little early and I caught the bastard putting in a candle and lighting it himself. I would have accepted him putting in a candle and it lighting on its own (although that would only prove the presence at the moment of lighting the candle) but no, it was just the priest lighting the candle. This whole christ detector lamp was a huge scam. That got me thinking as to what else they were lying about…

Nothing really happened, I basically stopped going. My parents made me go at christmas a few times but that was basically it. Religion is not really a big deal in my country.

I grew pretty devout episcopal. I was an acolyte for all the masses and participated in all the other community activities my church ran.

I never really believed in God. I’ve just always been that way with stuff like that. Never believed in Santa or any other magical figures. That said, I’ve always agreed with the core idea of the religion to love everyone and I always envied the comfort people who believe in a God must feel. So I kinda went and tried hard to like cargo cult my way into belief to know what it was like.

My parents kinda started going nuts at some point and we stopped going to stuff. My church was too far to walk or bike to, so I stopped going. Nothing much happened after that. There was girl who lived in the rectory that I went to school with. I later learned she had a crush on me which kinda explained why she was always trying to get me to come back when we talked.