this post was submitted on 11 May 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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top 39 comments
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[–] ekZepp@lemmy.world 89 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Note: At 2:32pm The patient switched hand.

[–] Phantaloons@piefed.zip 2 points 2 weeks ago

lol, told you he'd go to coomer first. You owe me $60

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 85 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (5 children)

"Masturbating before sleep is how I fall asleep. Don't they want real world data?"

"Ok but do you normally stare directly into a scientist's eyes while jerking it?"

[–] vrek@programming.dev 27 points 2 weeks ago

Yes but I'll admit the flicking of my tongue and licking my lips are not normally done.

[–] yermaw@sh.itjust.works 21 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 9 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Whoa...

What's jerking off in 4 dimensions like? :O

[–] Murse@slrpnk.net 8 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Length, width, depth, and duration. Everything you do is in 4 dimensions!

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 10 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

I don't have duration. Johnny Come Instantly is what they call me.

[–] CIA_chatbot@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago

You used to be Johnny Come LATEly but then you found your kink

[–] Mac@mander.xyz 1 points 2 weeks ago

It's actually axial rotation

[–] suxen_tsihcrana@anarchist.nexus 11 points 2 weeks ago

Yes that's ideal. And I know this is my 50th sleep study. I needed another one, and I will continue taking them. Yes, my insurance quit on me long ago, I don't care how much this costs, JUST TAKE MY MONEY, HOOK ME UP AND LOOK ME IN THE EYE

[–] Hideakikarate@sh.itjust.works 8 points 2 weeks ago

"No, I usually stare into the photo of my deceased grandparents."

[–] CanadianCarl@sh.itjust.works 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

They are in a different room. Idk if they have cameras though.

[–] conartistpanda@lemmy.world 5 points 2 weeks ago

Five nights at jorker's

[–] wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world 32 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

I have had a holter monitor strapped to me twice; the first time, a totally typical day, including the usual freaky shit. The second, I was better prepared and came before the appointment.

As far as I'm aware there wasn't a meaningf difference in the results. And jerking it might give better, more accurate results, if it's a regular scheduled activity.

It's not like you'd be the first one to do it. If you like an audience, even better. If you've got it, flaunt it.

[–] Shellofbiomatter@lemmus.org 6 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

How about exercising with the monitor? Like if that's part of my regular day.

Never have had holter monitor, but few of my friends said they need to stand still while it measures. That would make working out kinda harder.

[–] fahfahfahfah@lemmy.billiam.net 6 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

They give you a little diary to write down stuff like that.

[–] Shellofbiomatter@lemmus.org 1 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] fahfahfahfah@lemmy.billiam.net 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Also your friends are like… wrong about the standing still part, no idea why they told you that. It’s basically just a portable EKG attached to your body that you wear while going about your normal day.

[–] Shellofbiomatter@lemmus.org 1 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

They might have been joking or it could have been some odd recommendation from the doctor.

[–] zaphod@sopuli.xyz 2 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Or they were talking about something else like a regular EKG. Anyway, exercise with a holter should be fine, showering with a holter might be a little annoying or not even possible unless you get new contact pads.

[–] wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world 1 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I was told both times, absolutely no showering or bathing. Maybe for the 72h one they give you new pads to swap out?

[–] zaphod@sopuli.xyz 3 points 2 weeks ago

Probably not, I suppose most people would put the pads in the wrong positions. Also sleeping with a holter was super annoying.

[–] protist@retrofed.com 1 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Most sleep studies take place in a visually observed room at a doctor's office

[–] PhoenixDog@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago

You mean an audience?

[–] GorGor@startrek.website 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I've been given some equipment that recorded my breathing and heartrate (little tubes near my mouth and nose, chest strap). just check em out and return them the next day.

[–] bus_factor@lemmy.world 1 points 2 weeks ago

In those cases you should do your bedtime routine before turning it on, though. The jerking is clearly part of the bedtime routine here.

[–] Akasazh@lemmy.world 19 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

A Friend of my spouse was in hospital and awaiting surgery (a stint or bypass it something) he was very bored and decided to rub one out on the toilet.

He was still connected to the heart monitor, though, so whilst he was at it the nurse came to the door and ask him if everything was ok. This ruined his immersion and thus could not finish so then he was bored and slightly blue balled

[–] Rooster326@programming.dev 4 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)
[–] Akasazh@lemmy.world 8 points 2 weeks ago

The sexual fantasy whilst chugging on his wang

His hospital toilet kink

[–] Grass@sh.itjust.works 17 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

weird timing for me to see this. my appointment is tomorrow.

[–] Return_of_Chippy@lemmy.world 25 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Bring lube, like a very large container of it clearly labeled. Ensure everyone sees it and refuse to acknowledge it. It's just your "bedtime supplies".

[–] prime_number_314159@lemmy.world 10 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

If it's not a 55 gallon drum, don't even bother bringing it.

[–] nforminvasion@lemmy.world 7 points 2 weeks ago

Personally, I find that just submerging yourself in it is far more effective than putting it on from the nozzle.

[–] Holytimes@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 week ago

Don't forget the single application attachment for only 3.99 more !

[–] Jankatarch@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

It's a sign. Destiny!

[–] Drusas@fedia.io 4 points 2 weeks ago

Before reading the comic, I assumed "B" meant "bitches".

[–] Lucidlethargy@sh.itjust.works 2 points 2 weeks ago

I mean... That's part of the study.