this post was submitted on 11 May 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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top 27 comments
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[–] Grass@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 hour ago (1 children)

weird timing for me to see this. my appointment is tomorrow.

[–] Return_of_Chippy@lemmy.world 6 points 1 hour ago* (last edited 1 hour ago)

Bring lube, like a very large container of it clearly labeled. Ensure everyone sees it and refuse to acknowledge it. It's just your "bedtime supplies".

[–] Akasazh@lemmy.world 12 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

A Friend of my spouse was in hospital and awaiting surgery (a stint or bypass it something) he was very bored and decided to rub one out on the toilet.

He was still connected to the heart monitor, though, so whilst he was at it the nurse came to the door and ask him if everything was ok. This ruined his immersion and thus could not finish so then he was bored and slightly blue balled

[–] Rooster326@programming.dev 2 points 48 minutes ago (1 children)
[–] Akasazh@lemmy.world 1 points 41 minutes ago

The sexual fantasy whilst chugging on his wang

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 55 points 11 hours ago* (last edited 11 hours ago) (4 children)

"Masturbating before sleep is how I fall asleep. Don't they want real world data?"

"Ok but do you normally stare directly into a scientist's eyes while jerking it?"

[–] suxen_tsihcrana@anarchist.nexus 8 points 7 hours ago

Yes that's ideal. And I know this is my 50th sleep study. I needed another one, and I will continue taking them. Yes, my insurance quit on me long ago, I don't care how much this costs, JUST TAKE MY MONEY, HOOK ME UP AND LOOK ME IN THE EYE

[–] yermaw@sh.itjust.works 19 points 9 hours ago (1 children)
[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 8 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

Whoa...

What's jerking off in 4 dimensions like? :O

[–] Murse@slrpnk.net 6 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

Length, width, depth, and duration. Everything you do is in 4 dimensions!

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 8 points 9 hours ago* (last edited 9 hours ago) (1 children)

I don't have duration. Johnny Come Instantly is what they call me.

[–] CIA_chatbot@lemmy.world 3 points 8 hours ago

You used to be Johnny Come LATEly but then you found your kink

[–] vrek@programming.dev 20 points 11 hours ago

Yes but I'll admit the flicking of my tongue and licking my lips are not normally done.

[–] Hideakikarate@sh.itjust.works 7 points 11 hours ago

"No, I usually stare into the photo of my deceased grandparents."

[–] ekZepp@lemmy.world 69 points 12 hours ago

Note: At 2:32pm The patient switched hand.

[–] wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world 29 points 12 hours ago* (last edited 12 hours ago) (2 children)

I have had a holter monitor strapped to me twice; the first time, a totally typical day, including the usual freaky shit. The second, I was better prepared and came before the appointment.

As far as I'm aware there wasn't a meaningf difference in the results. And jerking it might give better, more accurate results, if it's a regular scheduled activity.

It's not like you'd be the first one to do it. If you like an audience, even better. If you've got it, flaunt it.

[–] Shellofbiomatter@lemmus.org 5 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

How about exercising with the monitor? Like if that's part of my regular day.

Never have had holter monitor, but few of my friends said they need to stand still while it measures. That would make working out kinda harder.

[–] fahfahfahfah@lemmy.billiam.net 5 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

They give you a little diary to write down stuff like that.

[–] Shellofbiomatter@lemmus.org 1 points 10 hours ago (1 children)
[–] fahfahfahfah@lemmy.billiam.net 3 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

Also your friends are like… wrong about the standing still part, no idea why they told you that. It’s basically just a portable EKG attached to your body that you wear while going about your normal day.

[–] Shellofbiomatter@lemmus.org 1 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

They might have been joking or it could have been some odd recommendation from the doctor.

[–] zaphod@sopuli.xyz 2 points 7 hours ago* (last edited 7 hours ago) (1 children)

Or they were talking about something else like a regular EKG. Anyway, exercise with a holter should be fine, showering with a holter might be a little annoying or not even possible unless you get new contact pads.

[–] wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world 1 points 2 hours ago

I was told both times, absolutely no showering or bathing. Maybe for the 72h one they give you new pads to swap out?

[–] protist@retrofed.com 1 points 11 hours ago (2 children)

Most sleep studies take place in a visually observed room at a doctor's office

[–] GorGor@startrek.website 3 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

I've been given some equipment that recorded my breathing and heartrate (little tubes near my mouth and nose, chest strap). just check em out and return them the next day.

[–] bus_factor@lemmy.world 1 points 1 hour ago

In those cases you should do your bedtime routine before turning it on, though. The jerking is clearly part of the bedtime routine here.

[–] PhoenixDog@lemmy.world 4 points 11 hours ago

You mean an audience?