this post was submitted on 24 Mar 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] lightnsfw@reddthat.com 11 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Only 15 minutes? You're doing pretty good!

Shower chairs make this process wonderful. Also like 45 minutes if you fall asleep (when your spouse comes in to check on you)

[–] PhoenixDog@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

I do it in bed.

My brain likes to loop every scenario that can happen during the day (When I'm at work. When I'm off I'm just a house cat). So I always set my alarm at least an hour before I plan on getting up (I can start my day at work mostly on my own schedule).

So say my alarm goes off at 4am, (unless I've woken up 45 minutes before it) I hit snooze. And I just lay there in the dark, snuggle the dog, get comfortable, and let my brain work out all the anxiety and situations it needs to. Alarm goes off, my brain knows it's 4:15am. I have 45 more minutes. Hit snooze, get comfy, stretch, let brain work through the noise. Repeat.

Fast forward to 5am. I get out of bed, get dressed with my work clothes already for me at the end of my bed. I let the dog outside while I pour the coffee I prepared the morning before on a timer into my big travel mug, wait for dog to come back inside, kiss dog, kiss wife, grab keys and go.

I'm normally out of bed and out the door in roughly 15 minutes.

[–] fleebleneeble@reddthat.com 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] PhoenixDog@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

Depends if my wife is around.

[–] jpreston2005@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Pro-Tip: If you lay down in the shower with a bath pillow, you can collect a bunch of water in your groin, before releasing it like a wave. Feels fuckin' Great. You can also point your toes at the shower, to get'em real nice and warm. Put a small damp cloth over your eyes and the bridge of your nose, and you can fuckin' fall asleep. Feels like your back in the womb.

[–] BanMe@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

I am envious of shorter people sometimes, that just sounds like a DIY waterboarding situation for my 6'2 ass, but you make it sound really nice

[–] OR3X@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago (4 children)

Morning shower people are weird. Do you shower before bed and then in the morning as well or do you just get into bed with the day's filth all over you?

[–] AdolfSchmitler@lemmy.world 10 points 1 day ago (2 children)

If you're blue collar you shower after work, white collar showers before

When I lived in Texas the humidity made me so greasy I had to do both

[–] Sylvartas@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 1 day ago

Or after. I usually shower in the morning in summer and in the evening in winter.

[–] mrgoosmoos@lemmy.ca 2 points 1 day ago

if all I did was sit at home all day, yeah I don't usually shower before bed

but most of the time it's both morning and night

[–] versionc@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I shower twice a day, once in the morning and once in the evening.

[–] Run_The_Jewels@lemmus.org 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Showering twice a day is unhealthy for your skin.

Congratulations you aren't as greasy as me. And don't bike everywhere

[–] Malfeasant@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

I sit in an office all day, not much filth. But yeah, if I go for a bike ride and get all sweaty, I'll shower after, but then I'll usually forgo the next morning's shower... only usually, because morning shower helps me wake up.

And my hair looks awful without a shower

[–] Bakedtaint@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

Accurate. Except I sit down

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 32 points 2 days ago

Only fifteen minutes? Speed demon

[–] criss_cross@lemmy.world 26 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Where’s the stage where you cry in the fetal position for 20 minutes?

Before bootyhole business

[–] lightnsfw@reddthat.com 3 points 1 day ago

That's during the afternoon shower

[–] MelodiousFunk@slrpnk.net 9 points 2 days ago

Beyond lies "soaping while sobbing," for the afflicted with a busy schedule.

[–] bfg9k@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

Not me showering before bed so I can make it to the train before being alone with my thoughts

[–] three@lemmy.zip 14 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (3 children)

Add 10 for liberally soaping your ass crack and gently gliding your hand around and across your hole and oops you pushed your finger a little inside but that's ok the soap didn't get in there so maybe you do it a few m9re times while caressing your chest and now your head is spinning and you're breathing hard AND THE HOT WATER RUNS OUT

Pro tip: if you turn up the water heater, you get more bootyhole time

[–] SpankyDoodle@eviltoast.org 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Quit describing my showers!

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[–] basxto@discuss.tchncs.de 6 points 2 days ago (2 children)

People let the water run while they shampoo? Does that even work?

[–] village604@adultswim.fan 9 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Most shower heads are capable of moving enough that your head isn't always in the direct path.

[–] Malfeasant@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago

My own head is capable of moving enough that my showerhead doesn't need to...

[–] THE_GR8_MIKE@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I mean, the water isn't running into your head while you're doing it. You turn the water off when you shampoo? Don't you get cold?

[–] basxto@discuss.tchncs.de 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Don’t you get cold?

No. But I probably shower hot enough for the air in the shower being warmed up

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

It's so fucking cold that early in the morning all the heat turns to steam and goes up the fan. Godsdamned desert

[–] basxto@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 8 hours ago (1 children)
[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 1 points 3 hours ago

that would be nice but my bath points at the street and i am not that cruel

[–] CrowAirbrush@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I miss those showers at home, where you didn't need to care about bills as your parents protected you from those.

My showers easily ended up being 30min long, looking back I wish those bills still took a similar % of your income. I'd happily sink away into my empty brain under a steaming hot shower.

[–] mrgoosmoos@lemmy.ca 3 points 1 day ago

the money I spend on water and gas is well worth it

I find music keeps me from getting lost in my mind

[–] Bullerfar@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

Yep, exactly me

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