You're allowed to have sex before marriage if your fellow Jehova's Witnesses jump up and down on the bed and your genitals accidentally fit together.
this post was submitted on 04 Mar 2026
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Jehova’s Witnesses
thought this was mormons...?
Same difference, innit?
different lyrics but similar tunes
What about a friendly prostate exam among friends?
all clear, bible never said you can't finger blast the homies a little
I was raised catholic, and all i can say is how often I heard the priests say: "let us prey."
Settle down Kurp
Just soaking it all in
You uh got any links?
It's only sex before marriage if you get married.
Just never get married, problem solved
Or get married to jesus and then you've been married. Adultery is only a sin in the old testament along with eating pork.
Or wait until some other people get married on your behalf
Guess I'm going to heaven 😎
Not because of this post, but because no sex
I assume you aren’t married, so you can’t rule out the possibility just yet.
Me too, but because I'm a bitch.
All puppy girls go to heaven
What's a puppy girl?
Its a gender affirming phenomena where (mainly) trans girls identify as puppy girls. I'm just a furry
Nice 👍
>:3
Since "all dogs go to heaven" isn't mentioned in the bible but is generally accepted christian doctrine, it's actually dogma, which is way funnier.
all dogma go to heaven?
If the gang calls me a dog before they rail me in every position they want, does that count too?
You can't go to hell or heaven, because they don't exist.
That being said anal sex is still best sex.
🎶 Fuck me in the ass 'cause I love Jesus 🎶
Needs to be updated for the 2022 Supreme Court decision...
This tracks about as much as soaking/jump humping or "sabbath mode", so fucken go for it.
Soaking is the craziest loophole I’ve ever heard of. I still refuse to believe it’s real.
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I mean, I've known a considerable number of Christian girls/women who have argued that if you just take it up the ass, you're still a virgin, so it's just anal untill marriage, and thus you're a virgin when you walk down the aisle, so its all good.
90s/00s purity culture logic.
Like, this was so pervasive at my high school that I once knew a guy who was ... as we would say these days, gonna shoot his shot.
Planned lines:
Guy: Did it hurt?
Gal: Did what hurt?
Guy: When you fell from heaven?
Problem was that Guy was totally unaware that there was a rumor going around that Gal had actually just been butt-boinked by her platonic male friend.
... So, after the opening line, she just slapped him in the face, began crying, and ran off... presuming he was referencing the rumor.
Guy had no idea wtf had just happened.
Ah. The classic he said, she heard: "You were going to heaven until you took a cock in your ass"
... Basically yes.
... ... you might say the entire situation was quite the cock up.
https://youtu.be/j8ZF_R_j0OY?list=RDj8ZF_R_j0OY
Can't believe I'm the one posting the video.
Lazy so-and-sos.
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The torture and brimstone is more a thing to keep the boring people out of the eternal orgy in hell.
It's the
✨Poop hole loophole✨
So that's why they call it an analogy
i do knot see a problem with this logic
The Bible is bullshit, heaven doesn't exist, God is an imaginary friend who is sadistic AF.
Wow. Thank you for providing us with this mindblowing breakthrough, I'm sure that every Christian will immediately renounce their faith when they stumble into this comment.
Religion shouldn't get attention in any way imo. Same goes for dumb idiots like Andrew Tate. Negative attention is still attention. We all know it's stupid contradicting stuff which makes no sense.
This is breaking news
Jokes on you, I’m already in heaven when I fuck my unmarried dog’s sweet sweet puppy pussy.
What if sex is gay, and gay marriage is not legal in this country, does it count as sin?
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