Ask Lemmy

Depends on your interpretation of better. My parents definitely led a more comfortable life filled with more happiness. At my age, they had already been able to settle down and establish themselves professionally. Meanwhile I'm struggling to find a job, may never be able to buy a flat and have been mentally ill since I was 13.

Morally though I am fully convinced I lead a much better life than them. I live more sustainable and climate-friendly. I am politically active trying to change the world for the better and fighting discrimination. In the work I do I try to help young people along in their journey, while my mother as part of her job has been keeping homeless people homeless.

I would not want to have led my parents' lives. Even though they are far better off than I will ever be in many regards, I am proud playing a tiny part in changing the world for the better where they were at least complicit in the world staying that way.

When my parents were my age they had three kids and a house. Meanwhile I'm here with three houses and one kid.

My parents have passed, but I'd like to have more close family. We had a hard time making that first kid, and we're not getting any younger.

(Scandinavia)

Worse (USA)

At the age I am now(34) my parents had 3 kids and and a house. My mother was able to support us all on her salary alone. Dad worked as well and we were able to do whatever we wanted until they got divorced.

I'm upto my nose in school debt, unemployed, and living at home with mother. So are my brothers though they work. One had a baby. The other is a recovering drug addict with severe mental problems. We've traumatized each other in brutal violent ways. That's a life I never want to bring other people into. Kids are out of the question until I move out. I just hope I'm not 40 and too late for that. Or worse dead.

Better, but in a way that's largely on them. They had more money, security, and opportunity, but they were a terrible match with a lot of mental issues and grew to hate each other. I have less, but I've been working on my mental health since I was younger and actively prioritized only marrying someone I was a good match for.

My life has been hard and painful, but I've played a difficult hand fairly well and my problems are rarely persistently internal

We're Americans.

China. Much, much better, but it's a bit unfair to compare someone who grew up in a typical modern society to someone who grew up in time of extreme poverty, subsistence farming, and famine...

Although, my parents did go to better universities & got better careers right off the bat due to a lack of educated ppl back in their days

('Murica) At my age (40s) my parents owned a home in the suburbs. I still live in that house with those same parents so that should tell you the bulk of it.

I feel very resentful that I never got to spread my wings and just be an independent adult away from my parents in the same way my brother and sister have. I think I get along well with my folks and there are financial benefits to living in someone else's house, but I can't escape the fact I am their son, and a certain amount of paternalism seeps into our interactions sometimes, despite the fact that I'm the same age my father was when I was 10. I mean things like demanding rather than asking that I attend some family gathering, or insisting I wear more formal clothes to said gathering, etc. It doesn't come up often, and I think they're aware of how it makes me feel and try not to do it, but it still hurts when it does.

When I bring this up to them (or many others for that matter) the reaction is usually "Oh but that's an American thing, wanting to cut loose at 18. It's common in many cultures for adult children to live with their parents." But I'm an American with American parents, who grew up watching American media, and I'm surrounded by Americans, so I measure my success vs other Americans, and especially when I was a kid, an adult living with their parents was an object of ridicule.

Of the three of us, my brother is doing the best materially speaking. He owns a house. My sister I don't think is living paycheck to paycheck, but she isn't rolling in money either.

Switzerland, meh.

I have a better job with low hours for more money but still have to be cautious about costs. They have several houses with a garden that I can only dream about.

They have a retirement plan that I can only dream about and an happy life while I’m ok-ish but depressive.

But I have 10Gbs fiber optic internet and a NAS+Seedbox so there’s that.

Worse. My parents own a huge house and have "last earned" pensions. I'm paying through the nose for rent and my pension will be miniscule. I currently earn enough to pay the rent, but I can't afford to buy. So I'm guessing I'll be living under a bridge when I retire.

Kinda depends.

My parents divorced when I was a baby.

My mom is probably doing fine. She was fake and selfish and none of the rest of us talk to her, my immediate family that is. All her fam, parents and siblings, were across country and kept in touch rather surperficially. But she always has local connections and worked two jobs and got her finances in order at 40 and bought a house and is now retired. And probably doing fine.

My dad never did well. He was the opposite, wasn't greedy, worked as a chef at Denny's for 14 years, always had a lot of deep connections and loving friends he helped out and us kids treated like family. But he basically only ever made ends meet, so that he could afford space for us kids in his apartments and be reasonably comfortable.

But after us kids became adults, my sis and him would loan each other money back and forth to cover bills in a pinch. They did that a lot.

He only really got on his feet after his mum passed and left him and his bros some cash. But he moved into the desert, away from everyone, and his health has never been great, and he's going blind, and working as an in-house aide to others worse off then him, and he can barely keep his lights on, let alone afford to get the treatments he needs, or ever retire.

My sis is married and seems to be stable. She, like my dad, moved around a bit, with her husband, after her kids left the nest. She was too much like my mum so I don't keep in touch, but I haven't heard anything about her struggling in many years.

Like my sis, I am married, and I think that helps a lot. Having a two income home. I'm a home owner, we, me and my spouse, are both on track to retire, barely, and we are managing alright otherwise.

It's not great. And we all about break even. But I think if my parents had stayed married or just shared a house with each other and us kids they woulda both been retired comfortably years ago. Instead they struggled with one income about equally to how we now struggle with two.

So, it kinda depends.

Worse for sure.

At my age, they were already married with kids and had enough to build a dream house in a decent town. Both had stable jobs that were considered good despite neither having a college degree.

I'm in a decent job that pays me (on paper) more money than my parents used to make, but I had to get my master's degree to get here, and I'm still trying to pay off 8 years of student debt (though I'm getting closer each paycheck).

Between that, rent, and the sheer cost of everything these days, my partner and I are nowhere close to the point where we could afford a house, and we definitely could not afford to have even one kid, let alone three.

We're at least not living paycheck to paycheck, but there have been industry layoffs left and right that have me feeling like any day could be my turn. I'd love to have more of a safety net in that situation, but there's not all that much left over for us to put towards savings or retirement. Meanwhile, my parents are retired now, while I'm fully expecting to work until I die.

Edit: Forgot to clarify that this is the US, if the existence of student debt wasn't already a giveaway.

Worse in that I don’t have a house and probably never will.

Better in that I know more about how to treat my physical and mental health than they ever knew about theirs.

Worse in that I don’t have as much money as they had at my age.

Better in that I don’t need to worry about leaving money to anyone.

A lot better. Brazilian millennial.

My parents quit school to do manual work at ~10yo and barely got to learn how to read. I did work on my early teens too but very light stuff. By my mid 20s I already reached a very comfortable life.

[Brazil] More or less the same, but with better prospects.

My childhood was better and way more comfortable than both my parents, who clawed their way out of rural poverty and into a decently paying, high school level jobs as bank clerks (they met working at the bank), in which they stayed until retirement. The married and had children later than their peers (they hadn't meet at my age), so they had good savings in store.

I went into a great public university and decided to follow an academic career (just finished my master's). This means I already have way more educational opportunities than they ever did. On the other side, my finances are way less stable, going from stipend to stipend in temporary scholarships and research grants. This is aggravated by the fact I got a partner who relied on my income for years while she tried to overcome depression, finish her graduate course and get a job. Now she got all three, and for her, who came from real poverty, this already means she is way better than her parents (her father never finished elementary school and her mother got pregnant of her at 17 and abandoned high school).

Now I'm looking for a more stable job outside of academia, and I hope the as soon as I get it, with both our incomes, our financial lives will start getting better. It might take a while for us to have the means to have a child, but we expect to have less children than our parents (I'm the middle child of three, she is the oldest of four siblings), so this might be easier.

We also have 4 cats, which is a plus in any life.

Better.

Canada.

Better because my dad died before he was my age, and that threw my mom into a depression and harmed her for a long time. U.S.

In Canada. Worse financially, but socially/mentally we're better off. My parents have none of the tools I have to deal with shit on an emotional level, they instead just shove it in a box and try to forget about it. This is how they raised me, but thank fuck for the internet and people I met that know better.

Well, all of this ignores the destruction and probably death of the Earths environment which has such an overarching presence it had to be ignored to provide a meaningful answer.

*I suppose ones financial situation isn't tied to which generation they are, but to how much emotional damage their parents inflicted (which is correlated to socio-economic status IIRC). IMO, if my parents weren't so permanently fucked up I would've had the mental wherewithal to attend University at an earlier age so I likely would be graduated already. Would probably still be just as fucked tho.

Hard to say, but I think so? (USA)

I make a lot more money than they did, but am often very stressed because my job is relatively high-stakes.

I have a happier marriage, which is probably the most important factor, but have found it quite difficult to be a parent. Obviously nobody else feels this way 🤪 but for real, I think parent responsibilities have gotten totally out of hand - I used to roam the streets until dark at 10 years old, but now you get the cops called on you if your 12-year-old walks down the street unaccompanied.

My parents lived through the Vietnam War and Iraq/etc, but the world still feels significantly less stable than even during those times. I worry my children are going to grow up in an openly pedophilic, labor-obsessed dystopia (as if we aren't already there) - the stress is astounding.

I never talked to my parent about this, but I imagine way better. My dad is one of the earlier master degree holder in China. He got his PhD much later; I believe around his 40s.

At my age, my dad is an entry level doctor and my mom an entry level nurse. They live in a room of 10 square meter assigned by the hospital they work in.

I am now a professor, a very busy job, but nevertheless stable. The pay is not bad (not as much as industry though) and the work is really fulfilling. The only unfortunate part is that I almost always need to work overtime. It is not uncommon for me to work from waking up to going to bed, if not working into midnight.

My life, much better. My finances, not so much.

My father was a wealthy defense contractor, but an abusive sociopath. My mother was an alcoholic. My mother died and he threw me out before I finished high school. I graduated homeless. I am 57 now. I haven't spoken to him since 1998 and I am not entirely sure if he's still alive. But I do know the last time I had to do a background check on him for job-related stuff, he was still wealthy, remarried, and living in a multi million dollar condo with a huge yacht. I am not so wealthy, but I got a foothold during the beginning of the dotcom boom, and doing okay financially. At my age, my dad was remarried and still employed as a wealthy contractor. I think he retired in 1999.

Meanwhile, even though I am clinging onto a disintegrating upper middle class, I have escalated my career in unexpected and adventurous ways. I have had an exciting life, amazing friends, and held very weird jobs including science fiction author, president of a non-profit, bouncer for a roller derby team, emcee and cosplay judge, minor fandom celebrity, and written a comedy podcast. I have been married twice, widowed once, and had good marriages. I have a son now in his 30s. I have traveled, met celebrities, and survived harrowing health issues.

So, you know, I am not as "well off" as my parents at this age (I mean, my mom died in her 40s), but doing amazingly well outside of money compared to them. Sure, it would be nice to be wealthy, but I'd rather have the life I do now than his.

Better.

I have a good paying job, wife, not addicted to drugs, own my house, own 2 cars, have 2 kids, 2 dogs, 1 cat, 4 ducks, I don't weigh 300lbs, saving for retirement, living within my means, and everyone is mostly healthy.

I just hope my government doesn't screw it up for me and my kids.

Better than my mom who grew up on a small dairy and very poor. Not as good as my father who was raised by a very affluent doctor in a very rich neighborhood.

And it's mainly because of my mom.

Finland. Genuinely can't say. I suppose that's a good thing for everyone involved.

I have very different values than my parents. I know there was a time when things were very rough for them... which unfortunately was also the same time that was very rough for me. Overall I definitely went through more hardship than they did, for much longer. Very alone. But objectively I'm doing pretty fucking good now, despite being technically poor. My parents were middle class, but they did value money more. I value other things and I get to enjoy them. But my parents were pretty happy, though their health failed them too early I think. Trying to avoid the same fate but honestly not looking good on that front. We'll see.

Would I swap places with my parents? No.

I feel like this was a very Finnish answer...

Interesting question, good job OP!

Significantly better, actually, but it helps that I didn't spend my teens and 20s doing hard drugs. Uhh... in the US.

Well, better. They never finished high school and live in poverty. I am postgrad and the only missing piece is really home ownership which I hope to solve soon.

It's a bit of a mixed bag

By this point my dad was divorced from his first wife, married to my mom (they're still together) who was pregnant with me. I'm still 7 years into my first and no signs of that going south. No kids on the way, but don't want them.

Couldn't afford them if I did though.

They owned a house, I kind of do (sort of a complicated situation of buying my mother in laws house, lots of handshakes and verbal agreements, but she's kind of dragging her feet on paperwork. Wouldn't be able to afford it without the family discount, so not a terrible trade off)

I didn't get drafted during 'nam, so I got that going for me. He never actually left the country though, he ended up stationed in Kentucky, so arguably he just got free room and board and a bit of free job training for a few years.

My mom never had to work a full time job after they got married, my wife and I both work full time and still never seem to be able to save much money.

I remember my dad once talking about how he almost bought a brand new Bronco II (he was somehow talked into a Ford Tempo instead, which was a huge mistake, that car was a piece of shit) when he was probably about my current age. The idea of buying a brand new car is absolutely wild to me. I've never been able to afford a car that was less than 10 years old.

Mentally and emotionally I think I'm doing as good or better than they are. I have more and better friends. I've managed to do, I think, some much cooler things than my dad has (my mom has some pretty cool stories from a couple times her family visited relatives in Poland and when they managed to get one of them to visit America, not an easy thing to arrange during the cold war, especially when the family in Poland was basically dirt-poor)

I have a dog, they didn't at this point in their lives.

My dad had a little bit of a fucked up home life growing up, but he turned out mostly alright, and my childhood was pretty stable, and I also turned out mostly alright.

It was really cool growing up with the internet before it enshitified. I'm glad I got to experience that.

By this point in their lives, the cold war was or nearly was over, the US came out on top, and it seemed like things were gonna be all sunshine and rainbows from there on out. By contrast... Well you've all seen the news for the last 2 decades or so.

My mom is mentally ill and my dad has been unemployed since 2022. I'm in law school- going to go into a public service job after I graduate. I don't think either of them are planning to live long retirements, and that's still a potential for me. I'm single and pretty socially disabled, so I don't know that I will ever find someone. They were pressured into marriage in their early 20s. that of course was not a thing for me (not that I was taught to date at all).

Australia, I would say a touch worse, though I've made better use if it.

My life is harder than my parents’, if that’s what you mean. (US)

I mean currently unemployed while they never have faced unemployment in their lives, so...

GenX Canada. Better by every measure. I don't have children so it has helped with financial stability to an amazing degree.

USA, far worse. The really insane thing is my parents were absolute shit at fiscal planning and overleveraged up to their eyeballs on everything: mortgage, cars, furniture. My mother was even at the bottom of a makeup MLM for gods' sake. Boomer bougie living at its worst.

And yet? They still owned a home, have retirement savings, and never came close to having anywhere near as bad a debt-to-asset ratio as mine is, all from student loans. Meanwhile I'm better educated, scrimping and saving and not throwing money away on expensive dinners, wine and travel and I will still never be able to afford to have kids, let alone sufficient retirement savings.

Far worse, but that tells little without asking for the age as well as location. US, for what that's worth.

Objectively I’m doing well and I truly believe I lead a better life. In the other hand I’m mentally ill and it’s a struggle. (Germany)

Yes, but it's complicated (USA)

On one side of the family, I've currently lived longer than that parent. That side of the family didn't have anyone of that generation go to college and I am by far the most educated of my generation. I am also better off economically.

On the other side of the family, that parent took a dip in social standing due to various reasons including marrying the other parent. I'm more well off financially and in education. I don't have children ,a spouse, or land, but I'm not looking for that.

My life is significantly worse than my parents at my age.

Worse (America)

Very different choices in life. I was good at school they were average-ish. They got kids [citation needed], I did not. Over all as good or better. Country intentionally left vague as Northern Europe.

Mine is. One of my siblings is about the same. The other sibling's is far worse.

In the meantime my parents side has gone down the shitter.

Canada.

It's hard to say.

My parents had 3 kids, a house, and were well on the way to retirement at my age. However they lived unhealthier lifestyles both mentally and physically.

I have no kids, a house (although much smaller than the one my parents had and in a cheaper town), and have a long way to go before retirement. I generally have much less stress, I don't drink anywhere near as much as they did, and I don't smoke.

Far better. While they were secure, they had far less opportunities. There weren't nearly as many rights, flexibility, and protections for workers. Besides, they had no internet, no cell phones, no computers. Mortgage rates were up past 20 % at one point. Imagine! Canada