this post was submitted on 19 Feb 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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top 39 comments
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[–] ignotum@lemmy.world 82 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

If i was an ICE agent i'd probably shoot myself too

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 31 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Or you could just.....ya know.....NOT be an ICE agent. Do they realize that's an option?

[–] curbstickle@anarchist.nexus 28 points 2 weeks ago

They are ICE agents, so... Probably not.

[–] Seaguy05@lemmy.world 8 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Do you think you'd still get that sign on bonus?

[–] ignotum@lemmy.world 10 points 2 weeks ago

From what i've heard they haven't been getting that bonus even if they manage to not shoot themselves, i guess crime doesn't pay?

[–] Lydia_K@lemmy.world 78 points 2 weeks ago

Feel good story of the year right here.

[–] shittydwarf@sh.itjust.works 55 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] regedit@lemmy.zip 4 points 2 weeks ago

How many Assholes we got on this ship anyhow?

YO!

I knew it, I'm surrounded by Assholes!

::flips helmet mask down::

Keep firing, Assholes!

[–] cupcakezealot@piefed.blahaj.zone 44 points 2 weeks ago

first good thing ice has done

[–] hellfire103@lemmy.ca 27 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

You laugh now, but when they figure out they have to hold them forwards it's over. /j

[–] theuniqueone@lemmy.dbzer0.com 19 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Are they secretly good people after all?

[–] osanna@thebrainbin.org 12 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] theuniqueone@lemmy.dbzer0.com 22 points 2 weeks ago

True just like Hitler wasn't good even though he killed Hitler.

[–] green_goglin@thelemmy.club 18 points 2 weeks ago

nature is healing

[–] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 13 points 2 weeks ago

Nature is healing.

[–] JustJack23@slrpnk.net 13 points 2 weeks ago
[–] jaybone@lemmy.zip 12 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

When they shot Good, they sure weren’t worried about crossfire. It doesn’t surprise me these clowns would be shooting eachother regularly.

[–] DragonAce@lemmy.world 17 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Not each other, themselves. The article says these morons shot themselves in the leg while holstering their weapons. LOL

[–] FilthyShrooms@lemmy.world 9 points 2 weeks ago

Inspiring, reminds me of the guy who killed Hitler

[–] big_dog_pie@piefed.social 8 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Did they get tired of shooting their spouses?

[–] Hozerkiller@lemmy.ca 20 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

No ICE agents are actually a lot more progressive than us. They shoot everyone equally including immigrants, non-immigrants, protestors, innocent bystanders, and evidently now themselves.

[–] AFallingAnvil@lemmy.ca 3 points 1 week ago

Don't forget the press!

[–] DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works 7 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Idk why but "roses are red" jokes always make me giggle like a child

[–] Rekorse@sh.itjust.works 8 points 2 weeks ago

Because its clever and has a fantastic cadence. Its funny to me that the start is always the same but the punchline varies wildly too.

[–] Ensign_Crab@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago

Roses are red,

The humor is mild,

Idk why but "roses are red" jokes always make me giggle like a child

[–] 9point6@lemmy.world 7 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

It would be lovely if they all would

[–] village604@adultswim.fan 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

In the head instead of the leg, though.

[–] Ceruleum@lemmy.wtf 1 points 2 weeks ago

Groin first, then head.

[–] MacaqueAndCheese@lemmy.ca 7 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

They would probably stop shooting themselves if their Bananadine and Jenkem habits didn't cost them like a million bucks an hour, thanks liberals

[–] MTZ@lemmy.world 9 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Lol did you just reference the fictional drug from Anarchist Cookbook AND the fictional drug from TOTSE.

A true master of the shitpost. You have my respect sir.

[–] MacaqueAndCheese@lemmy.ca 6 points 2 weeks ago

Is my age showing or am I just too young to be on the Internet

[–] CADmonkey@lemmy.world 1 points 2 weeks ago

A TOTSE reference?

[–] merc@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

How many are doing it on purpose? They got a big signing bonus that has to be paid back if they quit. They hate the job, and don't want to do it, but they already spent the signing bonus. If they're injured on the job they get time to recover, and might be assigned to a desk job once they're out of the hospital. Blam

[–] MTZ@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago

I read on several news sites that many if not all of them have not and will not see that bonus. Something about having to be there 5 years, and ICE isn't expected to be a thing in 5 years.

[–] 33550336@lemmy.world 5 points 2 weeks ago

Very good 😊

[–] br0da@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago
[–] bhamlin@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago

They should stop hiring Barney Fife.

[–] Ceruleum@lemmy.wtf 1 points 2 weeks ago

Ice got iced.

[–] GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 1 points 2 weeks ago

is that where all those SIGs went?