I'd advise that you talk to a professional and don't seek mental health advice from social media.
rpg
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/thread
In what way do you feel that your emotions ruin your fun? Also what kind of emotions? Why do you feel that you can't tell your group about it; what was the reason for online only, a remnant of Covid?
I'm not a big fan of online only, but I have two groups that is only feasible online as in both are players that are unreasonable far away; but we have offline groups as well and it feels so much nicer (easier to communicate, you can use your entire body, you can have side talks,...)
In regards to dnd, and only dnd; Yeah I know that all too well; but I built up the courage and convince my forever DM to take over WHEN we play some other system as well (I chose Pathfinder 2e); they really like it.