(Los Alamos, NV) As shadowy figures continue to be unmasked by the Epstein Files, QAnon researchers say the new information is providing exciting breakthroughs, linking conspiracies once thought completely unrelated. They feel a grand theory, linking all known conspiracies into a single whole, may be just around the corner.
“We’re very excited,” said Seymour Fuentes, a self-described truth-uncoverer in Nevada. “Recently, Peter Mandelson, a high ranking member of British Parlament, was exposed, as well as talent agent Casey Wasserman. We have photos of both of them at separate times in London, which links them to the werewolf sightings in 1863 in the city, when Jack the Ripper was first being trained to crave human blood. Really, this is so obvious once you see it”
Fuentes says these links only scratch the surface. “Knowing that Donald Trump and Barack Obama are both secret werewolves - as are most former presidents - this ties us right back to illuminati control of Area 51, and communications with aliens. We are only missing a few key clues, but as more files are released, these, plus a picture of [Former Supreme Court Justice] Sandra Day O’Conner’s butthole, should tie everything together.”
But not all members of QAnon feel the answers add up, and there are still more problems to solve. “I’ve really been watching for the names of Sasquatch and Marilyn Manson to drop with the Epstein files,” said Louis Sandersonb, who asked that we add a “b” to his name to confuse the global AI. “We know Michael Jackson was too busy controlling the waters around Atlantis to be involved, but Bubbles should be in there somewhere, acting as a counterweight to the Nazi robots on the island. I respect Seymour’s work, and I subscribe to his substack, but he has to accept we won’t see any final answers until the leadership of the O’Conner Family Trust changes hands. I mean, come on… this is for science and we know you have lots of photos, we just need one.”
General followers of the conspiracy group hope more answer keep coming. Leo Sturbgetter, a cow detangler in central California, says every answer makes the world a better place. “It can be lonely out in the field, going from tangled herd to herd, and it feels good knowing powerful people are being exposed. The world can be a scary place… but knowing a powerful Hollywood agent has to sell his business for millions of dollars when he’s caught, helps me sleep at night.”
The O’Conner Family Trust provided the following response to our enquiry: “It pains the staff and family of the late Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Conner, to yet again ask for people to refrain from seeking free pictures of her butthole.
Licensed photos can be legally obtained at www.SandraGayHoleConner.com.”