this post was submitted on 04 Feb 2026
240 points (97.6% liked)

Programmer Humor

29419 readers
1346 users here now

Welcome to Programmer Humor!

This is a place where you can post jokes, memes, humor, etc. related to programming!

For sharing awful code theres also Programming Horror.

Rules

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

COBOL joke from 1999:

A COBOL programmer, tired of all the extra work and chaos caused by the impending Y2K bug, decides to have himself cryogenically frozen for a year so he can skip all of it.

He gets himself frozen, and eventually is woken up when several scientists open his cryo-pod.

"Did I sleep through Y2K? Is it the year 2000?", he asks.

The scientists nervously look at each other. Finally, one of them says "Actually, it's the year 9999. We hear you know COBOL."

all 20 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] mesamunefire@piefed.social 12 points 17 hours ago (2 children)

I had a job that used COBOL and programmed in it. Its not terrible. It even works with sql.

The issue is the decades of code with little to o documentation, the fixes for issues like y2k that wirked at the time but now have problems, and greedy companies that want you to pay per processor. All the while you yourself are one of three people in the city that are looking to slowly pull everything out of COBOL, making it just a bit harder to get a job next time.

[–] CanadaPlus@lemmy.sdf.org 2 points 14 hours ago

Interesting. My experiences with FORTRAN made me expect the worst.

[–] BuboScandiacus@mander.xyz 26 points 21 hours ago

year 9999. We hear you know COBOL.

slams cryo-pod door shut

[–] Skullgrid@lemmy.world 11 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

I've been programming in various languages for about 15 years. I'm stuck working on software automation.

how do I transition to COBOL development?

[–] ellen@piefed.social 17 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

It's easy peasy. Read a tutorial and it's done. Easier than C. Biggest problem with COBOL software is most programs are idioticly huge and have been patched and expanded for decades. Touching anything will break everything. Source: i patched y2k

[–] Skullgrid@lemmy.world 3 points 17 hours ago (2 children)

just to be clear, I want it for getting a job, not just learning how to develop in COBOL.

[–] MNByChoice@midwest.social 5 points 17 hours ago* (last edited 17 hours ago)

Insurance companies in Des Moines, Iowa, USA tended to be heavy users of COBOL near the year 2000. If you want a job writing COBOL, I suggest looking there. I am sure at this point they will do some training.

[–] AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 1 points 14 hours ago

My father does Cobol programming for banks.

[–] cupcakezealot@piefed.blahaj.zone 6 points 17 hours ago

programming languages pre 2000: have heart and soul

programming languages post 2000: ai and javascript slop that take 80 chromium processes to run and 64gb of memory.

[–] Gork@sopuli.xyz 18 points 21 hours ago (2 children)

Y10K will be a serious issue when it eventually comes around.

[–] criticon@lemmy.ca 10 points 17 hours ago (1 children)
[–] marcos@lemmy.world 4 points 15 hours ago

If we survive Y2026...

[–] BigDanishGuy@sh.itjust.works 13 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

Nah it'll be fixed eventually (quote 1970 devs)

[–] MNByChoice@midwest.social 2 points 17 hours ago

Yeah, at they approach 9999 surely they will start using larger variables to store the year, and all of the 2000's code will have moved out of production (2000's and not 1970's because we may have fixed the 1970's code by now.)