this post was submitted on 29 Nov 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


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1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

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top 23 comments
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[–] Mastengwe@sh.itjust.works 6 points 9 hours ago

This is WAY too specific…. 🀣

[–] Sebbe@lemmy.sebbem.se 132 points 17 hours ago (3 children)

Dad has better opsec than Hegseth.

[–] ryannathans@aussie.zone 7 points 12 hours ago

Where an 8 year old knows

[–] DmMacniel@feddit.org 23 points 17 hours ago

gotta keep the clients safe.

[–] Klear@quokk.au 6 points 14 hours ago

I'm taller than the Mariana Trench.

[–] gigastasio@sh.itjust.works 9 points 11 hours ago (1 children)
[–] ODGreen@lemmy.ca 8 points 10 hours ago

One for the load

[–] watson@lemmy.world 59 points 16 hours ago

"One is for work, the other is for my boyfriend"

[–] ordnance_qf_17_pounder@reddthat.com 33 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

I used to have 2 phones just because I liked having an iPhone and an Android phone. Nobody believed me when I told them that I was genuinely just a tech enthusiast.

[–] IWW4@lemmy.zip 26 points 15 hours ago (2 children)

I have a work phone and a personal phone..

[–] Denjin@feddit.uk 38 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

I have a work phone, a personal phone, one for my drug deals, one each for my 3 mistresses and a Nokia 3210 for playing Snake.

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 11 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

How much spanking do you need that it requires THREE mistresses???

[–] Passerby6497@lemmy.world 8 points 12 hours ago

Hands and arms get tired, so it's always good to have options.

Then again, at that point you should just be poly and not lie to your partners. Much easier that way.

[–] justme@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 points 15 hours ago (2 children)

I use a spare phone for all the BS apps which you are bullied to get

[–] baguettefish@discuss.tchncs.de 12 points 15 hours ago (3 children)

if you use a google pixel with grapheneos, you can have multiple profiles that work similar enough to having multiple phones, with apps in each profile only being able to see what's happening in that one profile, and if you close a profile every app in that profile is stopped completely

I mean, I can just download multiple digital sim cards and tell the phone which one(s) to use. No need for a new profile

[–] Passerby6497@lemmy.world 4 points 12 hours ago

I really want to put graphene on my 8, but I can't risk not having my banking apps...

[–] Zwiebel@feddit.org 4 points 14 hours ago

You can even access two profiles at the same time by using a "private space"

[–] IWW4@lemmy.zip 1 points 14 hours ago

I have thought about doing that. Do you use one for all your business apps?

[–] Saapas@piefed.zip 7 points 15 hours ago
[–] thethunderwolf@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 12 hours ago (1 children)
[–] Harvey656@lemmy.world 20 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

The implication that the child is mad the dad spanked then, so they is going to out the father as a cheater at the family diner. The second phone is for the adultery.

[–] Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net 4 points 6 hours ago

I used to wonder who my dad was talking to out in the garage on the landline he had our there. Seemed to always make his way out there when mom was working or running errands.

Hey dad, why do you have a word document hidden on the computer that lists things like "house" and "tools" with amount of money beside them?

Record scratch

Yep. That's me. My whole life is about to get turned upside down - I just don't know it yet...