My cats are going to hell and I'll be right there with them
this post was submitted on 19 Nov 2025
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"Of course our cats aren't being raptured too"
-Every Cat Owner
Rapture believers are the dumbest people in the world. If you know someone that believes in a hard date and time. Make sure they sign over all their assets before the rapture. Just tell them "Only people that give up all material possessions will be saved."
I was raised by one, which was so bizarre because he was an otherwise intelligent an articulate person. Could have easily been a college professor but instead chose to waste his time on religion.
He claims he never stopped believing, but when the world didn't actually end on October 21, 2011, he picked up drinking and smoking and started wasting money on $20 scratcher tickets. Stopped reading the Bible every day as well, and eventually turned a MAGA republican near the end. Then on September 30, 2021 he was killed by an intoxicated driver, while crossing the street to buy a scratcher and cigarettes, a few days after brain surgery.
This is what religion does to you. It gets you fucking killed.
Obligatory Parks and Recreation S04E06
God be like:
God power makes his pimp hand strong.
What sort of fucking heavenly rapture wouldn't let you take your pets with you?
Old testament God would totally do that
Oh I know christianity would do that but how can anyone go "ah yes heaven eternal bliss and happiness" and A. not have a problem with their pets being excluded from that and B. Have their version of eternal bliss and happiness be without their loved ones? Like dafuq. I'm not a religious person but if you were to ask me what heaven would be for me my response is gonna include giving tummy rubs to my old roommates cat Chubs (she passed last year D=)
god is an arsehole
Rapture should work in the opposite way, all the assholes get teleported to Venus (they can take their billions, if they want) and instead we can enjoy the planet earth
"They're eating the pets".
That subtle undercurrent of “Christians” that always judges you in some way indirectly. The assumption of your lacking in some way, you don’t meet whatever made up standard they have in their heads. Especially if they figure out you don’t align with their religion or politics.
And also you still need to do stuff for them. You’re broken and weird and not good enough to hang with them but you are good enough to shine their shoes and dance for them and you should be grateful for the opportunity.
Like the after-church lunch rush cunts who tip with propaganda that looks like money at first
It was addressed to anyone who saw it, tbf
Jokes on her when the catpurr arrives.
Jokes on St Peter when 2 billion cats sit scratching at the gates but refuse to go in
You're going to choose the God who won't take care of your cats?
I'td be funny to just empty a town and prank someone to believe the rapture took everyone but you
Why were their cats so bad that they wouldn't get raptured?
I think we all knew that about cats.
Pretty sure the cats will get raptured before this lady.
this is when you sneak out, unseen, and take a week long vacation.. make them think THEY were the ones left behind.
Bonus points if you leave outfits in a pile outside for each person living there.
I mean, the sign was on her front door, not a neighbors. That's just selecting for anyone literate that would be left behind. The fact the neighbor took this as a message to themselves shows a level of narcissism that would guarantee they would definitely not be picked up by the rapture, if it were real...
You're so vain. You probably thought this passive aggressive sign about the Rapture was about you
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Also believing that you will be raptured is a level of entitlement that should disqualify you too.
What if the rapture already happened but only like 3 people went to heaven and nobody else noticed?
well, there are people who simply vanished, without a trace. maybe they were raptured?
The bar to expecting one would be scooped up in the rapture is really, really low. Did you let them do their juju where they install a Jeebus in your aorta when you were 6 years old? Done. Dipped in the water of the church's hidden hot tub behind a painting of a man being tortured? You're on your way. Did you throw money at a church? Ticket punched. Do you both have a pulse and attended a church and wave your hands around and close your eyes? Welcome aboard, sir.
Americans that go to church are told every week how they're going to heaven, getting raptured, etc. It's a given for them and they're brainwashed into thinking that they're beyond good, but also that they should have the same sense of urgency and terror that Gretta Thunburg has about climate change about all the heathens around them who aren't going to get sucked up.
I understand the idea of waiting till someone understands what is going on and can make a choice before someone is baptized.
But 6 isn't that age. A 6 year old is just going to believe what their parents tell them and isn't old enough to understand this choice. Might as well just do infant baptism.
We went through a confirmation process at 17 or 18. Much better way to accept and acknowledge your religion.
For someone to make an informed choice, they also need to know all the options. So, they can't be raised in the religion of their parents. They need top be taught about the other Christian sects: Catholicism, Eastern Orthodox, Anglican, Lutheran, Methodist, Quaker, Jehovah's Witnesses. They even need to learn about the Christian-adjacent ones like Mormonism. Then they need to learn about Buddhism, Shinto, Islam, Hinduism. And, just in case the true religion died out like the Ancient Egyptian religion, the religions of the Aztecs, Olmecs, Mayans and Incas, the Norse gods, the ancient Greek gods, and the copycat Roman gods.
And, if it's their parents who are teaching them about their favourite religion, and those parents are true believers, they should also be taught by true believers of those other religions, not just some kind of scholarly information. We wouldn't want the kids to be influenced by the emotion of their parents.
Of course, no parent is going to agree to this. They're true believers so their religion is the correct one, and they're afraid that if the kids are taught something other than their own religion, the kids might be "brainwashed" into thinking the wrong thing.
The confirmation process I went through included some discussion of other flavors of Christianity. It started putting some ideas in my head that eventually led to dropping the faith entirely.
Might as well just do infant baptism.
I think that is how christening ceremonies are viewed nowadays.
Not exactly 3 but if IIRC there’s only gonna be like 144,000 raptured folks which in today’s global population might as well be 3.
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Anyone believing that they would be scooped up by the rapture and not others are pathological narcissists.
I love how this implies cats don't deserve to go to heaven
But it's ok, because Jesus said God will rip out your humanity so you'll be emotionless and not care about anyone or anything you cared about in life
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It could be for anyone who was left behind and wandered there to see the sign
If my cats can't go with me, I'll just stay behind tnx
The modern Christian idea of heaven is full of contradictions. If you go to heaven and your grandmother is there, you'll be happy if she's the way you remember her: old. But, she'll probably want to be young and in her prime. And what about her own grandmother? Won't she also want her old grandma as she remembered her? Or, what if a widower who remarried after his first wife's death goes to heaven, will both his first wife and second wife be there? Won't they each want to spend time around him?
Basically, the only way to make it work is if everybody's critical faculties are switched off and they're pumped full of the celestial equivalent of heroin. I guess that "off your tits on drugs 24/7" is happiness, but it definitely isn't the way they portray heaven.
add it to the rest of the contradictions of religion. there's no shortage.
I live a life of sin to ensure that I remain down here with my cat.
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