Ask Lemmy

I would recommend looking for volunteer opportunities. Be open, what exists around you may not be exactly what you want to do, but it you're doing something positive, the journey will make it worth it.

Are there any climbing gyms or bicycle rides?

Is there a physical community notice board somewhere? Failing that, a local library? (The librarians would probably know where to find some sort of community notice board.) Those things often have group activities posted.

Unsure how common it is in smaller towns but in my city moat bars have event nights whether they're trivia, karaoke etc. Or, sounds weird but even going, sitting at the bar and watching a game has, in my experience, often led to conversation.

Walk around your neighborhood and open your eyes to what organizations and institutions exist.

Try sports, gardening, making art, music, and look for shared workshops used for woodworking, car or bicycle enthusiasts, and such.

There’s also always the option to announce your own event, meetup, or activity.

More adventurous route: get addicted to drugs or gambling and then go to self help groups.

I recently went to a pottery shop for a christmas event. I bought a piece from a woman there, and as she excitedly told me about some of her projects, I shared some of mine. It seemed like we had a lot in common, so I said "I think we should be friends" and gave her my number. She texted and tomorrow we're going out for karaoke.

I made friends with my dog's groomer the same way. If you vibe with someone you meet in the course of life, you can act like a child and just straight up invite them to be friends.

I find it helpful to start by looking for hobbies you enjoy for the hell of it and then seeing if there's a community around that. Making friends seems to be a bit easier when there's a shared activity to chat about. For example, I took up acoustic guitar and met a lot of people who like to jam together. Also started learning a type of dance and got involved in the community by attending classes and socials. My buddy met his main friend group at a rock climbing gym when he took up bouldering.

For apps/websites, I had luck attending a few Meetups, e.g. like for people learning a foreign language who want to practice with each other. Some people join rec leagues or attend tabletop game nights.

I personally don't use social media much but it can be useful to see if there are any local events to checkout nearby.

If there's an activity or skill you've been wanting to get into, you could try taking a class in that. You'll meet some other people at your approximate skill level, and it's an opportunity to socialize.

I've personally met a lot of people through climbing gyms and dance classes, both activities where you're often paired up with one other person. Bouldering is great for smalltalk as well, because people are often eager to discuss approaches to the problem.

Not everyone's cup of tea, but I've also met some friends through work colleagues. A colleague of mine was going hiking with friends and invited me along, and since the friends didn't work in the same company as us it felt disconnected enough from work for me at least.

Sometimes the DnD/Magic crowd will crossover with boardgames, of that interests you?

I guess I would start by checking social media for and even semi local groups focused on something you are interested in. Might be a long shot because most social media is so enshittified, though...

Got any stuff that's just collecting dust in a corner, but could be useful to the right person? Look for a free cycle group maybe?

And ...uh, that's about all I can come up with. That does sound frustrating, but don't let it get you down! Human connection is what it's all about, I believe. Hope something works out for you soon!

Edit: lol, that's what I get for teaching my phone dictionary the word fucked 🤣

There are plenty of local, secular, community service groups. I know it’s associated with old people, but my local Rotary club has a lot of good people and we do a lot of good in the community. This isn’t the only option, there are lots of community service organizations and it’s a great place to meet people.

1. what are you interested in? Hobbies, sports, whatever.
2. Check at you local library (gym/stadium/...) and do it IRL, not online & ask the librarian if there are activities announced that relate to 1. Why irl and why ask an actual person? Because not everything is announced through apps or online and because word of the mouth is still the best way to advertise anything local ;)

My local libraries not only all organize their own set of events, around various topics, but they will also happily relay events happening elsewhere.

Local Discords are hit or miss, but at least where I live (mid sized city) there are several for various hobbies and activities. There's also one for the city itself that's active. People on the city channel mostly bitch about local news/politics, but will try to help folks looking for social groups.

Nextdoor has a shitty reputation (for good reason) but sometimes you can find a few sane / helpful people on there, too. They might be able to at least suggest some local groups and events in meatspace.

Have you tried Meetups?

As in, the literal platform/website. Facebook etc. might only have a few niche groups, but in my experience Meetup does tend to have at least a handful of more generic hobby oriented ones that aren't so DnD/MTG focused.

It really depends what you're interests are. If you like art, start checking out artsy spaces and public events. If you like games try hanging out in game or card shops. It took me 3-4 months of showing up to art/music festivals before I started running into people I recognized and felt comfortable chatting up. My experience isn't universal, but as a socially anxious person it required a lot of discomfort and patience.

Got kids? School has millions of parent orginizations that need help. I just got back from the band boosters meeting... not to mention scouts. Great ways to meet people.

parks and rec is always running events of some sort, find something. You can often attend events at any nearby city (suburb) too

my town seems to only have religious, DnD, and MtG groups publicly posted, and as much as I've tried I just can't get into playing DnD/MtG

Time to find God and see if that does it for you. Maybe you'll get into Jesus. 🤷‍♂️

Are there any causes you're interested in? Volunteering is a good way to meet people. Having some kind of structured activity besides "making friends" and defined start/end times can be helpful to take pressure off.

think of something better to do with your time and then start doing it with people