“No matter who you are, you can’t just go around throwing stuff at people because you’re mad,” Assistant U.S. Attorney John Parron told jurors
Does that include tear gas canisters?
this post was submitted on 04 Nov 2025
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He said when you're "mad". It's fine if it's because of hate and assholery.
I assume every ICE agent is a Nazi piece of shit who gets off to videos of his buddies zip tying children. Am I justified in throwing a sandwich now?
No because throwing sandwiches at fascists doesn't count as "assholery".
No, you're hating the wrong people.
No, he meant It's only problem when we are mad.
They persist on insecure anger constantly. When they are mad it is automatically justified.
So I should say a joke before I hurl a sandwich, to show I am both 1) not mad and 2) it's just a prank bro. Salami high fives for Mr Parron!
Makes you wonder how the pig feels about being the victim of a felony cold cutting.
I thought they had reduced it to misdemeanor because the Grand Jury would not indict on a felony charge because it was too ridiculous?
That's exactly what happened. They didn't need a grand jury to indict on a misdemeanor
To quote another thread:
Assault with a deli weapon.
This isn't really a great time to be hamming it up.
Bologna assault at wurst.
Clearly the federal agent should have moved out the way. Onus is on them.
If it's a legitimate assault, the federal agent's body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.
Pretty sure just standing there shuts down a thrown sandwich.
What a bunch of insecure children.
This can never be said enough, even (and especially) in seemingly unrelated ways. Keep doing the good work.
Your honor my client was mearly passing the sandwich to the pig with passion! They normally like being fed!
"Felony assault"? Is that a new addition to the subway menu?
No, been there at least since the Jared days. Though there’s argument that the assault to your senses has always been there.
No, been there at least since the Jared days.
They called it the kid's menu back then.
Maybe it only happened in the movies but I thought there was a time in this country when it was common to throw rotten tomatoes at politicians and I've long wished for it to return.
That's the problem with these bastards. They can spend their whole life going places where no common person can say anything they might hear. But get smacked in the face with some rotten produce and you know what they think of you and your bullshit.
CBP Agent Gregory Lairmore, the government’s first witness, said the sandwich “exploded” when it struck his chest hard enough that he could feel it through his ballistic vest.
“You could smell the onions and the mustard,” he recalled.
First off, yes this was assault. Hilarious assault, but assault. But I'd be too humiliated to testify as the "victim" is quoted. Of course he felt it. He's also feel it if I lightly pushed him with my pinky finger.
Technically assult would be very difficult to prove unless he threatened to throw it first, I'm totally not trying to be an ass, but assault requires a moment where the victim can claim a fear or threat of it happening. I am 100% not saying battery wasn't commited (in the most hilarious way possible), but assault may be pushing it.
All this being said, I'm not a lawyer and only know the difference because I've had to look it up a few times after discussions like this. I've also not seen any footage and would love more than anything for there to be a video of some standoff between them first, a dude with a gun/tazer/baton just trying to determine his odds against a bit with a sandwich. Lol
I think we had a similar thing where someone threw/slopped tomato soup on a well-hated TERF(?) Pose Parker here in NZ.
But we've also got the delightful precedent of throwing Silicone dildos at our politicians, too...
Except the grand jury said it wasn't felony assault, this hearing is for a misdemeanor. Prosecutors should get their shit together.
The ham on rye equals tear gas I suppose. MAGA today.
see, throwers on both sides!
As American as baseball.
If it was felony assault, one of the THREE grand juries would have voted to charge the felony
felony assault
*Bologna!