Your father is an insecure piece of scum who has projected his unsafe behavior on someone he hasn't met. A store clerk is just a store clerk, what she does after hours is her business, not his. If your father can't say “she/her” to someone that “looks like a guy,” then he has no reason to shop outside/in public.
He sees you as an tool:
that living under his roof,
not a human with will, aspirations, and in need of shelter. The roof he owns is nothing more than a roof. It won't be there for comfort, marriage, warm hugs, protection or shopping trips. If he uses the roof as a means to exploit your behavior, he’s not a father, but a sperm donor.
As an anarchist, I know perfectly well children are their own being, with their own will, their own choices. I have to bless my children's partners and friends as my own, since I was a child myself. My beliefs and politics are my own, and I have to respect those of the children. Forcing my will is anti-anarchist, and anti-protective of theirs.
Your father hasn't grown at all, because you're not his doll.