this post was submitted on 12 Oct 2025
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The Onion

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(Tempe, AZ) Both backlash from liberals and strong support from republicans is meeting the release of a new gun released by Turning Point USA to memorialize the death of Charlie Kirk, the group’s former CEO. The rifle, equipped with a scope and silencer, and “similar to the weapon that killed Kirk” will be available in November, just in time for the holiday season.

A Turning Point spokesperson said the weapon pays tribute to Kirk’s legacy. “Charlie was a firm believer in gun rights. His last words were about gang violence. We feel that releasing this weapon will help heal the divide his death caused.”

But some say the weapon is in bad taste. The anti-gun group Sandy Hook Promise released a statement saying that any glorification of gun violence, and profiting from it, is unAmerican. They also call out the body targets of Kirk that come with the weapon, asking the logic behind including them.

The weapons, however, are seeing massive preorders. Leo Sturbgetter, a cow detangler in urban North Dakota, says he will be buying one to commemorate Kirk. “He died doing what he loved, and I’ll say a prayer for him each time I see him in the scope. Amen.”

The Kirk family were not available for comment on the new weapon.

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[–] CaptDust@sh.itjust.works 32 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I became physically upset and sick for a moment. Bravo.

[–] DreamAccountant@lemmy.world 8 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Silly humanoid, you can go to any gun store, or gun show - and just ask for the exact same gun. They'll be happy to sell it to you, and probalby teach you to clean it, sell you cleaning supplies, show you how to fire it, then also sell you bullets. And a pen. That's how sales works. They want to sell things. If they don't, they don't get money to feed and house their children or cocaine.

[–] outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

My cocaine is malnourished?

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

To be fair its pretty easy to house cocaine.

[–] ech@lemmy.ca 26 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Took a big ol' bite of that one.

[–] maccentric@sh.itjust.works 10 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I didn’t even realize anything was up till I came across “cow detangler“

[–] bradorsomething@ttrpg.network 4 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Tangled cattle is a serious problem, Leo is a hero.

[–] maccentric@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 month ago

Well, that and “Urban North Dakota” 😂

[–] Monument@lemmy.sdf.org 8 points 1 month ago

I just came from a post about a man facing charges for posting a Trump quote about school shootings (“We have to get over it.”) on a Facebook post about a Charlie Kirk memorial.

I just gave a sardonic chuckle and put my phone down, thoroughly having eaten that onion. I’m glad I picked it back up to check the source. I was about to tell my wife!

[–] Venat0r@lemmy.world 2 points 1 month ago

I guess you're not using an app on your phone that puts the community icon next to the title of the post 😅

[–] miked@piefed.social 2 points 1 month ago

Damn it. I almost finished the onion then I read this reply.

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 19 points 1 month ago (1 children)

TOTALLY ate the onion and came back for seconds on this one!

In my defense, his widow sold merch at his funeral and the rest of the cult is super ghoulish too, so it's not really that far fetched..

[–] Ancalagon@lemmy.world 8 points 1 month ago

Lmao you saved me.

[–] Klear@quokk.au 11 points 1 month ago

Yeah, I ate this one in a single bite. Doesn't sound far-fetched at all.

[–] Monument@lemmy.sdf.org 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Did you write this?

Google literally has no hits for the title you put in. I was going to share the link to the Onion or Beaverton or whatever with some friends.

If you did write it — Bravo!

[–] bradorsomething@ttrpg.network 8 points 1 month ago

Check my post history. One of the hidden secrets of Lemmy.

[–] PattyMcB@lemmy.world 7 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

God, Guts, and Guns, amirite? /s

Should've been a Glock to commemorate gang violence!

[–] bradorsomething@ttrpg.network 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I considered a Luigi Special tie in, but it got off topic

[–] PattyMcB@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Still classic The Onion.

I'd still have upvoted

[–] bradorsomething@ttrpg.network 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

The goal was to make the reader feel more and more nauseous until Leo finally shows up to break the spell and admit that it’s satire.

There’s a whole article I could write on etched bullets, but I’m trying to find the right angle.

[–] UniversalBasicJustice@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Trying to find the right spin*

[–] bradorsomething@ttrpg.network 1 points 1 month ago

Trying to hit the targeted effect.

Trying to get to the jugular.

Trying to define the scope.

…I’ll get to when I have time.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago

chomp

i just about woke the wife with "OH YOUR GOD YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT THOSE FUCKERS DID NEXT" so good jorb

[–] dragonfucker@lemmy.nz 1 points 1 month ago

Yummy yummy onion, drag loves this article