Welcome to c/WouldYouRather, where we present you with the toughest, most ridiculous choices you never knew you had to make! Would you rather have a third arm that's only useful for picking your nose, or be able to talk to animals but only if they're wearing hats? Yeah, it's that kind of vibe. Come for the absurdity, stay because you've clearly got nothing better to do with your life.
Rules:
I genuinely think you dick could be played off as a joke in many cases.
Um actually will make you the most annoying person anyone knows
Wow, I'd go hard the other way. If it's the first thing you say to a stranger "you dick" is actually dangerous, while "um, actually" is mildly rude, and if repeated even when it doesn't make sense will be correctly clocked as the tick it is. "Um, actually, could you pass the salt?"
I know this is the reasonable answer. But I will choose to ignore it anyways.
Insert that won't stop me because I'm blind meme.