this post was submitted on 20 Sep 2025
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The Onion and other satire w/ layers

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Nintendo has filed a patent giving them the exclusive right to the gameplay mechanic of pressing a button that makes a character jump, sources confirmed.

“It’s hard to believe it’s been over forty years since the original Donkey Kong released in arcades!” explained Shigeru Miyamoto in a recent Nintendo Direct. “So much has changed since then! Mario’s had so many adventures, Donkey Kong has gone from villain to hero, and countless other video games have included a jump button without our express permission. That’s why, starting after this Direct, only Nintendo will be legally able to make games where you can jump. All other publishers have six months to ensure their titles are free of patent infringement. Afterwards, the next jump we see out of any of you, you’ll be jumping straight into court.” [...]


Context: Nintendo recently got some patents which are quite unpopular: https://www.pcgamer.com/gaming-industry/an-embarrassing-failure-of-the-us-patent-system-videogame-ip-lawyer-says-nintendos-latest-patents-on-pokemon-mechanics-should-not-have-happened-full-stop/

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[–] cmbabul@lemmy.world 25 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I for sure ate the onion on that headline

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 12 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Part of this is kinda true. From an interview in 2009, Miyamoto actually said he originally wanted to patent the mechanic of jumping for Donkey Kong. The joke here is that 40 years later, they actually would try.

[–] morphballganon@lemmy.world 11 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] LolaCat@lemmy.ca 12 points 10 months ago

Doing it first doesn’t matter for patents apparently

[–] Zozano@aussie.zone 3 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Someone should patent "being a little bitch baby" and then take Nintendo to court for using their concept whenever Nintendo try to patent something like "fish which move out of your way when you swim close" or "video game controller which you control with your anal sphincter"

[–] Noodle07@lemmy.world 2 points 10 months ago

Me playing an mmo where you can't jump...