this post was submitted on 18 Jul 2025
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Unironically, though.
Stop trying to be "on time" and start planning to arrive early. That way when something inevitably trips you up, you've got a buffer to work with, rather than any deviation automatically making you late.
Legitimately I started doing this when I realized I'm a better person when I'm not rushing. I can take my time getting there, maybe help someone get their bags to their car, chat with the panhandlers, hold doors open without wishing the other person would hurry up, etc.
Better than just flooding myself with cortisol all the way to my appointment and arriving all flustered and shit.
My sister in law is chronically late. She uses this strategy and always tells herself a time 30 mins early, so she can get places on time.
On one occasion my brother asked her what time dance class for the kids was. She tells him 12:00, so my brother - being an "always on time" person - gets there for 11:45 so he's a little early.
Turns out the time my SIL told him was her personal fake start time, not the actual start time, so he's 45 mins early lol.
"Personal fake start time" is a great term!
It's transparent about what you're doing to others and leads into telling them the actual start time!
Rofl almost this exact scenario happened to me for first day on a job. I asked my partner what time I had written on the calendar then padded it again.
Plus side, it was a gallery job so I got to walk around and check out all the exhibits on my own, so when people asked me about them I actually had some deep reads.
Did you get the job?
Sure did. In fact I'm going to a shift in 3 hours.
Being 15 minutes early is on time.
Being on time is being late.
Shit happens.
On time is late. Nowhere do you show up "on time" and get started immediately. If you're getting to your 9am appointment at 9am, you've not accounted for parking, walking in, literally saying hello, taking your jacket off, whatever.
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We told a friend who was always up to an hour late that the event started at 3 instead of the real time of 4. He arrived exactly at 4, just when the rest rolled up too. He was so mad when he found out.
Let me guess, they did the classic projection case of acting like they were mad because they felt "tricked"?
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I used to be incredibly punctual, in spite of my ADHD, because I stressed out about it. Then I moved to Germany and everyone considered me late for being on time (or 5-15 minutes early, depending on the occasion), so I’ve given up.
Just move to France and you will be just one time by being 30min late
I have this one friend where we always tell him it starts 30 minutes earlier, just so he arrives reasonably on time
I have somewhere to be in 4 hours. It will take me about half an hour to get there. I could get up and start getting ready, or I can get a 4–hour head start on feeling bad for being late. While browsing Lemmy.
Posted 3 hours ago, so you still have the better part of an hour to just chill and not worry. This is definitely the right approach.
Important update: Motivated by my bout of self awareness, I decided to get in very early and prepared instead. I've been waiting for my friends in the freezing cold for half an hour. This is worse than being late.
This is your chance to be superior! Make sure they know you were waiting in the freezing cold for half an hour! Never let them live this down!
H E A T H E N
Hisssss
Step 1: Live in a plave with great and punctual public transport (like switzerland)
Step 2: Arrive exactly at the right time
Step 3: ...
Step 4: The people you wanted to meet finally arrive 20 minutes late because they came by car. There was no trafic; Taking the car just makes you more lenient with your schedule.
I'm always 30+ minutes early to stuff. It's so bad. I always think i will be late, even when I'm 30 minutes early.
Same. Have an appointment 20 minutes away? Ooh, better leave 40 minutes before, just in case.
With the traffic, road work, and detours sometimes thrown in the way, this habit has been quite helpful. The last appointment I had let me in early because there was availability as soon as I arrived, so I got to leave earlier than expected.
"I planned to leave the house at 6 but I planned with a buffer so there is no rush to actually leave at 6."
An extra life hack: If you're going to be late, maybeet everyone knows before you're late. People are constant late with my work. Jon starts at 10. We get emails sent at 10:04, so and so is running 10m late. Let's send this shit 10m ago, because I'm sitting here doing nothing waiting to get started.
- be a wizard
You clearly have no experience with ADHD. I have autism, I'm always way too early. My ADHD friends just don't work that way. They are always late, even when they plan on leaving early.
I know this probably won't help but it's kind of funny. My D&D group years ago had one member who was consistently an hour or more late. So the DM started telling her the game was an hour earlier. People would show up slightly early for the real time, and she would straggle in apologetically, pretty much right on time. Worked like a charm for almost a year before she finally caught on.
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ADHD doesn't work like that, and this whole discussion is full of the sort of responses ADHD folk get every day :\
Aww, how naive.
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