this post was submitted on 14 Jun 2025
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Off My Chest

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my ex was not who he said he was, am i in the wrong? (piefed.social)
submitted 3 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) by cutebc24@piefed.social to c/goodoffmychest@lemmy.world
23 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

I (20f) was 13 and dated a 33 year old, jake. Here’s the thing, though. It happened 7 years ago but i still feel a bit bad for it.

We met online and jake started talking to me a lot and liking my posts on instagram. I ended up joining his small discord server that he didn’t use a lot.

He never told me his age but he would always show a picture of a teenage boy on his posts and send them to me, who looked about 14. Plus, when i confessed that he looked cute (or the boy did) and i said i liked him, he said yes when i asked him out.

things went well in the relationship. He was attentive to me, funny, I really liked him despite being young, so just puppy love.

he knew i was 13, i didn’t know his age. He, after a month of being romantic and calling me cute, wanted to get back with his ex (m20s) and told me that he was actually 33.

He felt bad and said he shouldn’t be talking to minors my age, and also said that I groomed him and tricked him into going out with me. He also said he said yes because he felt bad because i “guilt-tripped” him even though he never showed his real face and didn’t tell me he was freaking 33.

Edit: thank you for your support!! 🙏 🫂

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[–] Darkassassin07@lemmy.ca 37 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Woah, you are 100% not in the wrong; he is.

HE groomed you, he was aware he's literally criminally older than you in this scenario and He had the legal responsibility to recognize that and break off the connection AS SOON as he knew you were a minor. Then there's the blatantly lying by presenting himself as a minor/teenager.

He's lucky to not be in prison right now. That's exactly where this would and should have led if it had continued.

and also said that I groomed him and tricked him into going out with me.

This statement is an attempt to scare you away from reporting this to authorities, so he doesn't face consequences for his blatantly illegal actions.

Please don't feel bad; you did nothing wrong. I wish you the best of luck in the future. :)

[–] cutebc24@piefed.social 6 points 2 days ago

Thank you 🫂 i thought i did, but tysm

[–] Notyou@sopuli.xyz 20 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

DARVO (an acronym for "deny, attack, reverse victim and offender") is a reaction that perpetrators of wrongdoing, such as sexual offenders, may display in response to being held accountable for their behavior.

For anyone like me that didn't know what other people were talking about.

But yeah, fuck that dude. That's some projection claiming that you groomed him. wtf.

[–] DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

This is the psychology of a predator. As it happens, demonstrating it is a large part of the book Lolita.

[–] Maeve@kbin.earth 21 points 2 days ago (1 children)

What? He groomed you, used you, dumped you. Idk what the statute of limitations is, where you are, but I hope filing criminal charges is an option, and that you consider doing so.

[–] cutebc24@piefed.social 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I would if i still had contact, i don’t even remember his username. i haven’t spoken to him since around 2018. Thank you

[–] Maeve@kbin.earth 8 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Well it can't be helped. Best thing you can do is maybe get some therapy and work on healing old wounds, so you can be the best version of yourself, however you picture that. I wish you all the best, because you deserve it. ❤️

[–] cutebc24@piefed.social 3 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Thank you. You too deserve the best 🫂

I barely think about it but I realize what a dick he is.

[–] Maeve@kbin.earth 4 points 2 days ago (2 children)

🫂 You're so welcome, and thank you, too. That means a lot to me.

[–] cutebc24@piefed.social 3 points 2 days ago

We all gotta stick together

[–] cutebc24@piefed.social 3 points 2 days ago

🫂 Yayy!!

[–] aberrate_junior_beatnik@midwest.social 16 points 2 days ago (1 children)

He felt bad and said he shouldn’t be talking to minors my age, and also said that I groomed him and tricked him into going out with me.

This is DARVO bullshit, fuck this guy. You were a child.

[–] cutebc24@piefed.social 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Thanks 🫂 I’ve been without contact with him for 7 years, I don’t even know his username anymore

[–] friend_of_satan@lemmy.world 7 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Good for you for staying out of contact. It's not surprising you still feel guilty or have conflicting emotions about it even this long after, even though this is 100% not your fault. You are the victim of abuse. You may want to talk to a therapist about it.

[–] sunbrrnslapper@lemmy.world 20 points 3 days ago (1 children)

This guy sounds like a real creepo. You should probably report him. Normal people do not lie about their age to children.

[–] cutebc24@piefed.social 7 points 3 days ago

sadly I don’t have his username, I haven’t spoken to him in 7 years and i forgot it.

[–] deegeese@sopuli.xyz 19 points 3 days ago (1 children)

You groomed him?. That’s some DARVO abuser shit right there.

[–] cutebc24@piefed.social 8 points 3 days ago

Agreed.

[–] Alteon@lemmy.world 12 points 3 days ago (1 children)

The thing that worries me....is he's probably doing this to other people. I almost feel that you were maybe his foray into this type of behavior, and as he does it more and gets more confident with it, I worry he may eventually hurt or take advantage of someone (i.e. ask for explicit content, or ask to meet up, etc.)

[–] cutebc24@piefed.social 4 points 2 days ago

Oh god, you’re right. I wish I had his username so i could report him :(

[–] fox2263@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

He pretended to be a teenage boy

[–] cutebc24@piefed.social 3 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

Yep. A weirdo for sure

[–] fox2263@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago

Weirdo and a Paedophile