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Can't we just settle this over a pint?

You just have to convert the glazed donuts to imperial storm troopers. Then divide by Olympic mental gymnastic balance beams.

Then square the reciprocal and add a school shooting.

Then you will arrive at the correct answer.

America is fucked.

Americans I've just given up on. What frustrates me (coming from a country that exclusively uses metric) is how little shit people give to the UK. Those fuckers never get the level of criticism people heap on America, but if you see media produced there, or talk to British people, you'll hear about feet and miles and tell you that running at a 6:00 pace is impressive and shit like that.