None please
this post was submitted on 26 May 2025
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2, 5, 9.
9 thrice
5,6,9 easy.
Some are void if you are always happy.
Stop shopping??? Dafuq
No more shopping for groceries, you have to forage in the woods from here on out
2, 6, 9. Health, happiness, comfortable life.
Revenge of the MonkeyPaw:
1 you are allergic to eating fat and can no longer eat any fat whatsoever.
2 your body has lost its ability to process nutrients, making you starve to death.
3 you’re banned from every store on earth.
4 only your neck gets 5cm longer.
5 but only in your dreams.
6 you can not feel anything but happiness - no pain, anger, sadness, nothing but joy.
7 and you’re awaiting your trial as you’re a KKK NeoNazi kult leader.
8 you get Alzheimer’s disease.
9 but you cannot access it because the government froze your account due to being investigated in a money laundering scheme.
Ah yes my favourite trend of monkey paw: removing the fking benefit instead of giving side effects, while making things worse
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(2 replies)
4, 5, 9
2, 5, and 9 for me
I choose 5 and 9. I really have no interest in any of the others.
2, 5, 9
I would be so happy.
After 9 you can just buy all the others or the process described
999
69!
#4 three times. The rest seem fleeting (money) or attainable through hard work (strength). Unlike others in these comments, I think being happy constantly would be its own type of hell.
But being tall is like being attractive. It is life on easy mode. As a slightly-less-than-average-height person an extra 6 inches would probably be the most permanent, positive impact any of these would have.
5, 6, 9. Come on now.
5,6,9 only ones that really make a big difference in the grand scheme of things.
Being super strong would mean you’d likely end up doing a lot of physical activity for yourself and others, but it would also mean that your resting metabolism is significantly higher than baseline which handily takes care of the fat/weight problem.
Being taller would be fine I guess but, and I say this as a woman in the bottom 25% in height, it wouldn’t actually make any substantial difference in life, beyond being able to touch the floor in a standard chair.
Having a lot of money takes care of shopping without stopping it, As well as the followers thing (rich people are often famous, and if not they can dump some money into something to make them famous if they want) and I feel being happy over-rides forgetting your ex, cuz you wouldn’t feel bad about it.
Easy: 1, 4, 5. I don't care about the rest, don't need it or find it scary.
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2,5 & 9. Plus money always makes me happy so I get 6 for free.
9,9,6 with lots of money causes sadness