Smoking.
this post was submitted on 10 Apr 2025
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Mirror selfie showing they use an iPhone, or if they are making that ironic "duck face".
It's not something I can always tell "instantly", but lack of curiosity. I can overlook a lot of flaws, being a very flawed person myself, but someone who isn't curious about the world around them is an absolute waste of time, and no amount of physical beauty can make up for it.
Why I broke up ngl
Gonna go out on a limb here and say the obvious: being unattractive.
This question is always fishing for the "weird" things, or for ways for everyone to pat themselves on the back for not being shallow and expressing their moral standpoints in their dating preferences.
But in this day and age, it is always worth it to return to the fundamentals and focus on the obvious. So what's obvious?
- Don't have a fucked up face.
- Don't be grossly overweight or sickly thin.
- Show minimal signs of aging. If you are aging, age gracefully.
- Don't neglect basic higiene and grooming.
- Don't wear ratty or ill-fitting clothes.
- Don't be sick.
- Don't be angry or depressed.
So if anyone is actually trying to become more attractive - here is a good starting point. Accept the things you can't change, and work on the things you can. And yeah, also treat waiters nicely.
A bad attitude: always negative and defeatist.
Treating service workers like shit.
Willful rejection of basic hygiene. Come on, now. Toothbrushes and toothpaste are at Dollar Tree, make some effort.
Arrogance.
And let’s not forget MAGAts, gross. May as well date a cockroach.
Fake boobs and inflated lips
Before they mention any backwards conservative bigot views, or throw their trash out the window of a moving a car, or treat minimum wage staff like dirt, I'm afraid to say that a big red flag for me personally is being religious.
And it's not just because christians seem to be leading the charge in supporting right wing piece of shit politicians. It's not just because they have looked the other way for decades while priests molest kids but treat drag queens reading books in a public library as the ultimate sin.
It's from a lifetime of these people telling me that all the cartoons I enjoyed and music I listened to was going to send me to hell. It's from believing in the first place that anyone different from you deserves to literally burn for eternity and not seeing a problem with that. It's because of every christian that ever told me that only humans have souls and that other animals are just meat robots to use and abuse. It's because of my reborn christian hostel master that used to go on long lectures about how KISS stands for Kids In Satan's Service. And all of the other super racist, super christian piece of shit teachers in that school. It's because of every christian that I have eaten a meal with that insists on holding hands and saying grace without once asking or checking what my beliefs are, or even giving a shit.
I have a lifelong suspicion and distrust of religious people and nothing that has been happening in the world socio-politically in the last decade has improved that suspicion, in fact it's just made it worse.
So even if you claim to be a 'left wing christian" (like fucking for virginity) or try to tell me that most christians are decent people, all of the evidence says otherwise and tells me that christians are dogmatic and unempathetic and will support dogmatic and unempathetic leaders the first chance they get. And that makes us enemies.
The same goes for all monotheistic religions but a single out christianity here based on my own life experience.
The documentary Jesus Camp made me so unbelievably angry... I had to turn it off.
Saw that one too. Still have to laugh about them thanking god for "creating this power point presentation". Funniest shit I could ever th8nk about.
Could never date a religious person either. The nice part is, I've never met a seriously religious person who didn't let you know all about it without having to ask.
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If a dating profile has a photo with a fishing pole in it.
I'm curious about this take. I've heard it a lot but never gotten an explanation on it. Can ypu elaborate?
Last Spring, my partner and I went on a hike beside some pothole lakes. We noticed a gorgeous species of fish in the water. I think they were Pumpkinseed sunfish. Their scales flashed bright colours in the sun, reds and blues. Each of them was tending to a bower they had built. They had each cleared a circle of the pond's floor, making a visibly smooth, light coloured depression. We could see them guarding their little domain, scooping rock up and spitting them out around the perimeter, chasing off rivals, and displaying themselves in the sun. They were beautiful and we watched for the better part of an hour. It was really special to be able to observe animals engaging in highly evolved drives and striving to fulfill their imperatives.
Walking back, we came across three boys. They couldn't have been more than ten years old. They were making a circle around one of these mating fish that they had caught. They were bent over, fascinated. It flopped in pain and fear, slowly dying. I was so fucking horrified. I wanted to throw the children into the water, though I kept my distance and did not interact with them.
I can't blame children for being cruel and violent to a vulnerable individual. Children don't have the full human capacity for empathy, and live in the weird world conjured from the things they are told rather than actually in reality. But when it comes to adults, there are no excuses. Adults who enjoy hurting animals, who do it for no reason other than it gives them pleasure, those people are fucked up. IMO, without exaggeration, they are adjacent to violent sociopaths that abuse humans. Most such people start out by hurting animals.
It's bad enough that nearly everyone cruel and violent to animals three times a day, but there is a lot of context to that. Billions of dollars a year are spent conditioning and deceiving people, hiding their own cruelty from them and making them feel good about the violence they commit. They don't even think about it. But when you are killing a terrified vulnerable individual with your own hands, JUST FOR FUN, that reality is unavoidable, undeniable, and unforgivable.
Ah so it's the perceived implicit cruelty of the whole thing. I can understand that viewpoint for sure and how it would be quite off putting for many. Thank you for the explanation.
Spitting. If I see a cute guy walking down the sidewalk and he spits at the ground, I'm immediately no longer interested.
Ohhhh gross! It pisses me off when people spit in public, nobody wants to see it or step on it! So gross, ugh. 😡
Smoking
+1
I can find a woman absolutely gorgeous, but as soon as she lights up a ciggie, I'm out. No thanks.
Not having empathy for others.
Echoing Fox News propaganda
I'm very intolerant of behavior that tells me type of people they are. For example throwing garbage on the floor, or being unkind to serving staff, or something like that. Red flags for sure.
And of course there's the obvious stuff that is an instant deal breaker, like bigotry, being anti-vax, hating cats (or animals in general), right-wing politics, etc.
Not returning a shopping cart to the cart corral is an interesting litmus test to see how decent people can be. At least for me.
“That’s what they get paid to do.” Nah that doesn’t sit well with me. Being a lazy dick is not attractive.
Oh that's a good one, yes. It's something that costs you time and you get absolutely nothing in return.
Another one would be how they leave their (public) toilets behind. "That's what cleaners are paid for." No fuck off. -- Though of course this one would be a little harder to actually witness. ;)
Wheeep whoop wooop, Cart Narcs!
- Racist
- Religious
- Egotistical/full of themselves
- Too much makeup/hair/clothing maintenance
- Unempathetic
- Not curious about the world
- Focus on celebrity news over real news
Being overly judgemental
They asked what made people unattractive to me. I didn't say I wouldn't be friends with them or shun them. I just wouldn't be attracted to people like that. There are plenty of people in the world without those characteristics when picking a romantic partner.
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Treating waitstaff or any other retail/restaurant worker poorly.
I had a server today bring me a salad with onions and peppers after I asked her not to. I gently asked her for another salad the way I wanted it, and the poor woman nearly broke down in tears apologizing to me. I reassured her that it was fine and not a problem.
I can’t imagine what kind of asshole treated her so badly over an honest mistake. Like, really?
Or what kind of boss she has. When I see stuff like that, I always make sure to tip well.
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Using Lemmy
Lack of respect. For self or others.
I cannot stand fashion stuff in general but especially things that get in the way of using your body or just doing shit like the rest of us.
Nails so long you can't pick up a credit card off the hardwood floor or type on any regular keyboards? Pass.
Fake eyelashes. Pass
Big fake boobs. Pass
Same goes for clothing that inhibits movement or jewelry that gets in the way of basic ass tasks.
I am a function over form man through and through.
I respect peoples choices to wear whatever they want but I will not associate with those people if I can help it.
Being vacuous
Ie. celebrity worship, a disregard for politics etc.
It's not a snobbery thing, but I can't find someone attractive unless I'm into their mind
Compatibility leads to attraction for me
There are some kinds of walks that are just a turn off for me, and I'm not talking about ministry of silly walks.
Just if the guys have no tension in their body, no self esteem at all or walk as if they'd explode if their peepee touches either side of the legs, wide legged... Maybe one could call it " the baggy jeans walk"? Actually it's hard to describe, but maybe you get it?
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Saying something unapologetically ignorant
Smoking is probably the biggest one for me though tattoos are pretty awful as well.
Tattoos? Man that's interesting. Though specific tattoos can easily turn me off, and placement, I'm surprised at blanket tattoos.
Here are some examples of what i think traps can be amazing for. Incorporating scars that help with trauma from the cause of them
I really like the idea of turning a reminder of horror or depression into something that can be wonderful to look at
To me, this feels like drawing a red circle around a defect that almost no one would notice otherwise. Whether it helps someone with their trauma or not is irrelevant here, as I’m speaking purely about appearance.
I don’t mind small tattoos. I’m not a fan of them, and I’d prefer none at all, but one or two small ones aren’t a dealbreaker for me. Ironically, the only type of tattoo I actually find kind of attractive is a tramp stamp - which even many tattoo enthusiasts tend to dislike.
If I were to psychoanalyze myself a bit here, I suspect it might have something to do with the fact that I have quite a few moles on my body, which I absolutely hate. So maybe there’s some resentment toward people who have naturally clear, "clean" skin - and then choose to cover it with tattoos.
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