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This reply heavily deterred me from making it my go-to choice, and I haven't seen anyone refute it:
https://sh.itjust.works/post/52834885/23011371
I'm not going to completely discount these resources, but I'm looking at relationships with other people for Plan A. I'm working on getting outside of my comfort zone and figuring out how to get to places on my own so I can meet new people and become half-decent at connecting with them.
Life at home is mostly cold dullness punctuated by sudden flashes of violence. Months can go by without anything happening. But something will happen eventually. Things are in a cold period right now and I've had more time to think. I'm doing therapy to help me feel empowered to take measured steps to leave (and create a good emergency plan, which will involve contacting the shelters).
I think you have a good point though: I'm sort of tunnel-visioning on this mandatory reporting thing when I should be focused on creating an emergency plan that I can feel confident about. That way, if what I fear does come to pass, I'll know exactly what to do instead of panicking. I'm falling back on old patterns where I waste my time worrying about bad things happening instead of taking actual steps to prepare for when they inevitably do. Thanks for calling that out.
I've been finding that trauma literally makes me stupid. It locks me into myopic fear-based thought patterns that don't actually help and just keep me trapped for longer. People here are probably going to get frustrated because they want to help, but they see me making stupid decisions or focusing on the wrong things. I think I need to listen to them even if they're mean about it, because the alternative is spiraling into the same logic that kept me complacent for years.
Since you have the help of a therapist, you should use them as a resource to help formulate any plans and put them into motion. Therapists aren't just there to talk to, they're good for sound boarding ideas like this off of because they have access to resources that other people might not necessarily have. A therapist's word or signature can get you access to medical care or services that would otherwise be more difficult to get, and they know the ins and outs of systems like social security or aid programs. Their job is to help you, and by telling them straight up that you need help getting a plan together to get out of your living situation they can focus on that.
In the short term, I would recommend putting together a "bug out" bag that you can stash somewhere safe in case you need to leave quickly. Ideally, you should have copies of important documents such as social security cards and stuff that you might not be able to go back for later, but it should at least be just enough stuff to get you by for a couple of days if you need to drop everything and leave. Stuff like a change of clothes, a water bottle, and some cash.
Could it be that this dynamic has prevented you from contacting those organisations who literally exist to help you?
That commenter saying "its all collapsing", might be right, and perhaps no one is able to help you. However, they could also be wrong, and those organisations are ready and willing to help.
To set your expectations, there's probably not going to be a nice comfy free hotel room set up waiting for you. You'll probably be assigned a case officer who will be able to give you strategies to manage the problems you're facing, while you're waiting for accommodation to become available.
Definitely. My mind has tried as hard as possible to convince itself that nobody in the real world cares about me or wants to help me. And therefore there are no social programs, public services, or mutual aid groups because Republicans nuked them all or something. Going to see a therapist IRL was the first time I challenged that core belief. It turns out that good people exist and they want to help me because I'm human. I'm going to need more exposure than that to rewire my bullshit gut instinct, which is why I'm pushing myself to go out to socialize and use public services. I think that the ability to ask for and accept help is key to getting out of here, so it's no wonder why my abusers aggressively push the idea that help doesn't exist.
I believe one way or another things at home will not improve. You don’t really lose much by inquiring to places. At the very least I assume your therapist would have some connections and guidance on places they would trust for you to contact.