Ask Lemmy

I start to wonder if maybe her parents were similar - did provide materially, but not emotionally. Striving through this (and getting hurt along the way) might have taught her to ignore the emotional and she might start thinking it's a good strategy overall.

As per the rest - she doesn't need any mind control devices to pull these tricks on you. She doesn't even have to be intentional about it.

See, an infant is infinitely attached to and dependent on the mother, as it is naturally the only way of survival. At this point, the life of a child is firmly in the mother's hands, all-round.

As kids grow up, though, they learn to think for themselves, to be independent, to disagree with their parents and act their own way. Some parents are not ready for this shift, and exert an ever increasing amount of pressure to control their children, to ensure they act exactly as their parents please. There are many tools for that, and your mother seems to manipulate your need of love and acceptance. She thinks she can use your feeling of hurt and neglect to teach you the "right ways".

These "ways", though, are nothing but her own desires and her vision that doesn't always align with your reality. She may never have suffered depression, and she never got to properly reflect on the issue, so she accepted the wrong narrative that depression is laziness, and now pushes it on you the same way she pushed everything else. By making you feel not loved nor accepted when you do something "wrong" in her book.

Now, what part of your thoughts you should be "locked up" over? The fact you rightfully feel manipulated? Or the fact that you attribute it to some mysterious CIA mind control (read: any external circumstance)? Both are things therapists see on the regular, they can work with it, and all it takes is some talking sessions and maybe simple meds in some cases. Seriously, go for it, you'll be in a much better place (at least mentally) in a few months if you do, and it won't be such a big pressure on your life anymore.

Getting therapy and learning to do things your own way without consulting your mom every step of the way may not only improve your own wellbeing, but your mom's, too. One thing controlling parents need is seeing their kids do things their own way and being just fine. When that happens, your mom will learn to trust you to yourself and finally relax for once. It will also significantly improve your relationships.

Source: went through a very similar thing, then after 1,5 years of therapy I'm free and my mom still loves me the same and we both live a calmer happier life now. After conflicts ended and the dust is settled, our relationships are better than they've ever been. She doesn't want to go back to what was before, and neither do I.