this post was submitted on 23 Dec 2025
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"You cant expect us to get used to this [new Name/pronouns] for those few times you visit" (feddit.org)
submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by cows_are_underrated@feddit.org to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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Well, so its this time of the year again, where I am staying at my parents place for about 2 weeks. Due to the fact, that they were semingly unwilling to accept me and my new name/pronouns I decided to go the confrontational way and start correcting them when they misgender/deadname me. I knew that this would spark some discussions, but oh boy I was not prepared that this would bring out what they really think about me. My mom literally said "I will not do something that I dont believe in" (they always said, that they were "accepting" me (they didnt, but they at least said so, looks like they dont even try to hide it)), but even worse I got to hear "You cant expect us to get used to this for those few times you visit". Are you fucking kidding me? I am not more important than a slight inconvenience? You are really not understanding, that this isnt about something being worth it, but instead about your fucking child you raised? I have been here for literally one day and my motivation to stay has already dropped to zero. I am planning to leave at the end of the first week of January, but I guess I will probably leave shortly after new years eve (or maybe already at 30th since I have a perfect excuse for leaving that day). Worst of all: I dont even have weed anymore, so I cant even get stoned as fuck (even if it would only be in the evening) to make it a little bit more bearable. I had hope, that they somehow might still become more accepting once I require the new name/pronouns, but it looks like, this has only made them more hostile towards me. Only good thing is, that I will have the chance to avoid them for most of the day for the 25/26th. Wish me luck, that I can stand through this for one more week, I will try to get out of this as soon as possible.

Edit: Thank ya all for your kind words. I highly appreciate it.

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[–] Berengaria_of_Navarre@lemmy.world 10 points 1 week ago (1 children)

You're in the unenviable position of being probably about half my age. I'm not sure I would have been able to deal with my family if I started to transition back then. As it happens I now live about 2 days travel from them so I see them for max a week every year.

But, I'm genuinely just planning to pretend a while longer. I don't think either of them has more than 5 years left anyway and there's no sense in depriving my own children of the inheritance, just to make a point. For you it's likely your parents will be around for an additional 20+ years so it's not really worth trying to hide it.

I will say that easing older people into the idea gently will ultimately be more successful if you want to retain some sort of relationship with them. As a species we aren't very good at accepting new information. This is especially true with older people who are bombarded with Facebook, twitter, and legacy media saying you're mentally ill and trying to assassinate politicians because you're a drug smuggling, antisemitic, Antifa thug hell bent on force feminising babies for Hillary Clinton.

It's a bizarre and stupid time to be alive.

[–] cows_are_underrated@feddit.org 18 points 1 week ago (1 children)

They had more than enough time to think about it. We had more than one discussion that I would have ended after 3 sentences if it wouldnt have been my parents. I tried the soft and slow way, that one didnt work, so I will go the confrontational route. I havent started misgendering them too, but if they refuse to use my new name/pronouns i will simply stop listening to my old name and then maybe start to use their own weapons against them. I dont care how much they dislike it. I simply want to be referred to as the right gender.

[–] Berengaria_of_Navarre@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago

I'm not saying you haven't put in the effort. Quite the opposite, I'm sure you've been extremely patient with them. I'm just pointing out that now more than ever there is a concerted effort to demonise trans people in order to prop up right wing regimes. In the past we were thought of as the butt of the joke, but now the media is trying to portray us as unhinged psychos. And that's what you're competing against