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... because every.. many, like, every woman I've ever been friends with, which isnt a whole lot compared to the 8 billion people, but yet, every woman I've been friends with has experienced sexual assault at least once.
What I think also needs to be brought up, is many people who go on to assault, were once assaulted themselves as a child. Women talk about this, men really don't. What I mean is, if a young girl gets raped, even if it's secret at frist, she will likely seek support at some point. I don't think men do in the same way, they seem to internalize, from what I've seen.
My step father raped his bio daughter, was raped by his uncle himself at 12.
My uncle, raped his daughter too, also raped as a child by his uncle (maybe the same one).
My Dv relationship, the guy was raped by the mothers boyfriend at 10.
An ex, who was adopted wholly through the system, raped at 12 by his dad, "but it only happened once so I forgive him". This guy is the only one on this list who wouldn't hurt a fly, but he was the type who didn't wash or wipe his bum properly, because it might make you "gay".
Another ex, was raped by a male authority figue in his life,, and I only know from a wild acid trip he got black out drunk for. He wouldn't have told me sober. He was vauge, but clear, with his story. The man sobbed for 4 hours. I was on half the acid he was, and had not drank. He was mean to me sometimes, and didn't respect me, but I still cried with him and held hella empathy with him in that moment.
The year I was going to sign my kid up for scouts, the leader got arrested for molesting multiple boys, I never ended up putting my kid in scouts for this fear. Based on observation, I strongly suspect he has some dark history too.
Is it right this happens? No. Is it frequent enough it could be considered "normal"? Honestly.. not normal, but common.
And men don't get support, they're "not allowed to talk about it", they don't want to talk about it, so they hit the bottle and get involved in what we can define as risky behavior. And they suffer, and some put their suffering on others, and spread this disease further.
My own brother, who as far as I know was never raped, and has never raped, won't attend family gatherings with children about, because we've so much familial history with this kind of thing, he just stays away. Once me and my sister had children, he ghosted.
It's a disease that affects not only the main victim, but all the people around them.
It's a serious thing, and this is what I think needs talking about more. Shift it off women, men rape, men don't rape.. let's talk about male on male violence for a fucking second.
If an adult man, rapes a young boy, how does that move through his life experience? How does that shape who he is? How does it define "power" to these young men? How can we help these kids? How can we stop this?
I think, vulnerability, and talking about it, men sharing there stories so that others can too, bring awareness to it, would be a fucking start. How many men walk around each day with this shit weighing on them?
Every man who has raped me had a story. All I'm fucking saying. It starts somewhere, and as maladaptive as it is, it is a fucked up coping usually for truama in their life. It's holding power over another to make oneself feel "strong".
We don't get to pick our families, and fucked up shit happens to kids, all the damn time. Sexual violence as a whole needs to be adressed. I want to see it end. It causes so much pain for he/she/they alike.